Our wish list from a wishy-washy first week at Wimbledon: Upset, upon upset. Slipping, upon sliding. A ban on wrong-colored shoes. A little rain, a little pain.
We got that, and more, when a couple of reporters started to beg the question — could Serena Williams handle a courtship battle against Andy Murray?
Seriously, the men’s big banger from England said he’d gladly be an exhibitionist if she was involved.
Maybe something’s been lost in the translation.
Put it this way: If there was a battle of the sexes exhibition to be staged between the top woman in the world and one of the best male players, “I doubt I’d win a point (against Murray),” said Williams.
Without a doubt, she’s correct.
“She could test a lot of men on this planet, probably seven and a half billion, but Andy Murray is not one of them,” Jeff Tarango, the former touring pro in the 1990s from Manhattan Beach Mira Costa High who once studied at Stanford under existentialist philosopher Albert Camus.
“Let’s go to the depth of it,” he continued to the BBC Radio. “What they’re asking is, ‘How low do you have to go in the men’s game before Serena pulls off a win?’ I’m going to say (players ranked) 300-350. . . . They might start getting a little nervous and I think on a good surface on a good day, she could maybe take someone out.”
Tarango sounds like he’s up for the challenge, eh?
We know too much already about the kind of men Serena’s been taking out, even without Maria Sharapova’s scouting report.
Get to the real point here: Given her domineering ways, how many games will any women left in this Wimbledon field get off Serena before she officially raises the giant silver plate again?
== We continue to smell the fire burning deep inside for Gilbert Arenas.
The former NBA All-Star hot shot out of Grant High, once booked for carrying a firearm without a license after threatening a teammate in the locker room, was caught from behind by the California Highway Patrol last week. It wasn’t merely speeding on the freeway at 2:30 a.m. The LAPD bomb squad was also called in to sniff out about 100-pounds of fireworks sitting in the bed of his pickup truck.
Does that mean the “Agent Zero NoHo Big-Ol’Fourth of Hibachi Shizzle” has fizzled?
== Look, D12. It’s this way:
The Lakers can offer five years and $118 mil, with strings attached – membership of the Jimmy-Jam Buss Club, Mike D’Antoni’s “system,” Kobe’s presence, unlimited Nickelodeon TV appearances, a Dodger Stadium luxury box with Magic Johnson, and endless investment opportunities in the billboard industry.
The Houston Rockets can “only” afford $88 million over four years, with their own strings attached – no state taxes, consistent top billing, a more likely immediate playoff run, Astros tickets up the wazoo, still no state taxes, and a view of the next oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.
It’s win-whine either way, eh?
== What in the name of Rod Dedeaux makes USC think it can salvage its baseball program by doing a drive-by into Westwood and dragging John Savage away from his UCLA College World Series championship program?
== Those Miami Marlins, the Costco of Major League Baseball, have a deal going on Ricky Nolasco?
== Now that the Brooklyn Nets have decided to become the NBA’s Throwback Team of the Year after their relic swap with the Boston Celtics, why not do something with more foresight and add Jason Collins to the roster?
== While Aaron Hernandez is killing time in the state pen, anyone up for another remake of “The Longest Yard”?