It’s Out of the Question: If the Coliseum’s going to get a new name, why not offer it to the highest bidding alum? (Like they don’t have the ego to follow through on it)

Here's one rendering of a Coliseum upgrade by the company RTKL in 1999 (

Here’s one rendering of a Coliseum upgrade by the company RTKL in 1999 (

Maybe you’ve heard: USC calls all the shots at the Coliseum now.

Next, the university will be looking for some cash to fix up the place, preserving it “for generations to come,” they promise.

That could lead to, big gulp here, awarding naming rights to the 90-year-old National Historic Landmark — one of 144 in the state along with the Alcatraz Island, the Lake Merritt Wild Duck Refuge, the Donner Camp Sites in Nevada County, the Richard M. Nixon Birthplace and something called the Fresno Sanitary Landfill (otherwise known as simply “Fresno.”)

Who’s USC going to call for some cash?

Please, for the love of Gary Coleman, don’t call us for the press conference where they’re going to unveil signage for the CashCall Coliseum.

Certainly, you’ve already got your own personalized nickname for the Grand Dame of L.A. Game Fame. It’s likely based on your encounter with a potential injury lawsuit. Or making an unwise choice in where to leave your parked car. Or deciding it was best to pull a U-turn before heading into one of the restrooms.

Now, it’s your chance to be proactive.

You may notice when you saunter into the place today after being frisked, wanded and patted down — and that’s before you reach the security checkpoint – there remains a great need for spackling cracks, bolting down loose seats or additional shade relief. These things take money, about $100 million the university reports. They could always add another surcharge on the already substantive Cardinal and Gold membership requirement. But really, what better way to turn on the money faucets than prostituting the naming rights?

Got any suggestions for the current Kifflandia Neverland Ranch?

It’s gotta be snappy, reflective of the Southern California lifestyle, bold and beautiful as it rolls off the checkbook. Heck, most didn’t even realize the Great Western Forum long ago got its name because a local bank bought the first major sporting facility naming rights deal. Most just thought it made sense. And dollars.

We can agree that alliteration works best – or, less worse — in these acts of corporate desperation.

carlsxSo, if not CashCall, would you consider CarMax, Carl’s Jr., Capital One, Charles Schwab, Chevron, Chiquita, Cigna, Chubb, Circuit City, Cigna, Citigroup, Clorox, Coca-Cola, Colgate-Palmolive, Comcast, Charter, Clear Channel, ConAgra, Countrywide Financial or CVS.

Costco-foodcourt(Sorry, but we can’t endorse Costco. You may greatly improve the quality and price of the grandstand hot dog and pizza, but the risk is too great that they’d start jacking up our annual membership fees just to cover all the added exposure to market the 120-pound bag of Cheez-Its).

If Farmer’s Field isn’t on the drawing board any longer, can we leverage it?

5-characteristics-to-look-for-in-every-potential-new-hireIf a staffing specialist like Accountemps or Administaff signed on, could they help during a soon-to-be open coaching search?

If Andy Gump could pull a few levers, maybe he could also kicked in some additional product outside the gates as they relieve their latest anxieties.

Even better if Andrew Clondike Gump III was a USC alum.

Free polls from
If USC eventually takes out a naming rights deal for the Coliseum, which company would make the best fit?
Costco CashCall CarMax Carl’s Jr. CVS Citibank Capital One Clear Channel Andy Gump Rick Caruso   

Which leads to this suggestion: Isn’t there a foolhardy USC captain of industry/deep pocket donor, already with too many plaques honoring himself on a library wing, a film school studio or business department war room, prepared to match his ego with an obscene endowment (whatever Pat Haden proposes) to put his name in perpetuity across the top of the most hallowed piece of L.A. sports property?

cs_1795-edit_sp13__fullMay we present the Rick J. Caruso (Class of ’80) Coliseum for the next big  mixed-use property/retail outlet idea? Just pick whichever end zone you’d prefer to park your mega-yacht.

==  A restaurant company in Wisconsin that has had a licensing deal with Ryan Braun to brand a few of their food establishments is cutting its ties with the Milwaukee Brewers’ shamed slugger.
Just as well. Didn’t you notice that the sizzling steaks in Ryan Braun’s Graffito Restaurant looked a little too juicy on the menu and were actually too tough to swallow?

==  If foresight for the 2020 Summer Olympics means blindly going along with Pau Gasol’s recommendation – take Madrid over Tokyo and Istanbul  in this weekend’s IOC vote – what have we got to lose? It’s not like he’ll be playing on Spain’s Olympic team seven years down the road, preparing to sabotage the U.S. chances, right?

BTevVhLCIAAowvW== What’s the problem with the headline in the Columbus Post Dispatch that proclaimed “Elway throws seven touchdown passes” in Denver’s 49-27 season-opening win over Baltimore on Thursday?
Obviously, “Elway” was a way better fit in the headline space than “Manning.”

== The reason why the defending Super Bowl champion Ravens couldn’t hold their ’13 season opener at home was because the Orioles had already laid claim to the parking lots around the adjoining facilities in Baltimore on Thursday and wouldn’t budge.
Turns out, the Orioles drew just 17,383 at Camden Yards for their baseball game.
Would the Ravens like to split the gate receipts on that one with the Birds?

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