Maybe it ends up Steve Sarkisian.
Jeff Fisher, Jack Del Rio or Mike Reilly.
Kevin Sumlin, Mike Belliotti or Chip Kelly.
Even (gulp) Norval Turner.
Whichever one of them are eventually sequestered by the Pat Haden Search Firm to gauge their interest in a future as USC’s head football coach, isn’t their first question to the BMOC AD something along the lines of:
When it comes time to fire me — and we all know that’ll happen — are you going to be classy about it, or force me to hail a Super Shuttle home from LAX?
Depending on the answer, who drops out right then and there, and who’s lax enough to hang in there for the next line of questioning?
== National parks are ghost towns. Even the ones that are actual ghost towns.
Washington D.C. monuments are as vacated as anything in the Washington Redskins’ win column.
But how completely sideways would things be if the current government shutdown included a stipulation that any building with an Historical Landmark Status could not be occupied for preservationist security reasons?
Meaning, no Coliseum for USC’s game Thursday against Arizona and no Rose Bowl for UCLA’s upcoming contest against Cal next Saturday.
To what local privately financed facility could those games be moved on an emergency basis?
If only that visionary Tim Leiweke were around to solve that unanswerable question.
Ever see Cal Lutheran’s pretty sweet on-campus stadium?
It beats trying to renovate a decommissioned Navy aircraft carrier floating somewhere out near the Channel Islands.
== And through all this Democratic-Republican gridlock, both can agree to sit back and enjoy a high-profile golf event where American know-how is at stake in retaining something called a Presidents Cup?
They must have just witnessed how the U.S. nearly gave away the America’s Cup.
Where can you buy a decent protective cup around here?
== Maybe Don Mattingly proves his managerial skills during his first trip to the playoffs, enough to convince Dodgers ownership to keep him on.
Maybe he doesn’t.
But doesn’t that fact that Dusty Baker has become an option make things much more interesting?
Even if the former Dodgers outfielder and NLCS MVP from ’77 has led seven teams into the postseason as a skipper in Chicago, San Francisco and Cincinnati but not once won a World Series, despite three manager of the year awards?
== What would Kobe Bryant possibly have to go all the way to Germany to get that the general public couldn’t find on an FDA- approved Wienerschnitzel drive-thru menu?
Isn’t there a holistic dentist set up in a Harbor Freeway underpass near Alpine Village who could be of some assistance in the art of spinning blood sausages now that Oktoberfest is in full bloom?
That’s the next step in what we’ll call Farmer John Surgery – replacing a torn joint muscle with treated meat and byproduct.
== Hasn’t Steve Alford already blown it big time by not landing top recruit Trevon Bluiett? What’s the UCLA coach supposed to do now after already hiring Bluiett’s former high school coach Ed Schilling on his staff? Ask Schilling to redshirt?
== Who will get the last laugh in light of the news that Alabama safety Ha’Sean “HaHa” Clinton-Dix had to be suspended indefinitely for accepting a $200 loan from a strength coach – paid back in full – after his car was broken into and things he was about to take on a trip to visit family in Florida were stolen?
Yup, it’s an NCAA violation that they weren’t trying to circumvent, but got nailed for anyway.
Agree, it’s another player that Tide head coach Nick Saban has had to punish for “team violations,” pretty incredible for a squad holding down the No. 1 spot in all the polls.
But if you took a poll of college football players, administrators and fans as to how preposterous NCAA leadership gets in situations like this, who’d come out looking like the bigger joke?