Does anyone out there know the proper ettiquette when it comes to having your face plastered up on the Kiss-Cam at a ballgame or arena?
Is there a way to kiss and don't tell about it?

It hasn't happened to me. Yet.

Or to you either. Probably.

But you know its going to.

It happened to Homer and Marge Simpson on the season-ender of "The Simpsons." They were at a Springfield Isotopes game when they appeared on the Kiss-Cam.
"Look, Homer, we have to kiss, the giant television is telling us," says Marge.
They can create an entire episode around that. You could be scarred for life because of it.

A friend of mine named ... naw, I won't embarass her anymore ... was on the Kiss-Cam, during the NBA Finals at Staples Center a couple of years ago. Problem is, they put her on with some stranger. She curled up into a ball and slinked out of the camera shot.
Isn't that an invasion of privacy? She hasn't lived it down with our group of pals. What was she supposed to do?

I saw two guys once put on the spot on the Kiss-Cam. What are they supposed to do, amuse the crowd and swap some spit?

Former Prez George Bush and his wife/mother Barbara were put on the Kiss-Cam in Houston (Enron Field, right?) They did it. Isn't that just wrong?

A few years ago, a guy showed up a Cincinnati Reds game and got his mug on the Kiss-Cam. Turned out, he was violating his probation. It made the newspapers.

You know the girl is all into it. But what a guy supposed to do?
If he bails out, he looks like a schmuck.
If he does it out of pressure, he feels worse about it. Especially if he's there with a girl he's not supposed to be there with (c'mon, it happens).
There's got to be a way to deal with this.
Send in your suggestions. ASAP. Before you're hooked.

We're not against kissing, mind you. Some of the best moments in sports have involved kissing:

We can't be sure, but didn't KISS play at Dodger Stadium once?

Or go back to the day at Dodger Stadium when the ushers had to kick out two lesbians for making a circus out of it.

If only that happened at more than just an awards show.

Whatever the case, a policy must be in place as soon as possible. For the rest of us to know how to act, what not is cool to do, or how to work this to our advantage.
Think fast. This could be you:

Posted by Tom Hoffarth at 11:46 AM | Permalink

We missed out on setting the TiVo for today's matchup between Maria Sharapova and Ashley Harkleroad at Wimbledon.
What dopes we are.
Maria won, 6-something, blah, blah, blah...
Here's how the Associated Press photographers covered it so at least we'd have some kind of memory of this spendor in the grass actually taking place. (And we'll check the TV listings for when ESPN2 does its "Day at Wimbledon" highlight show ... they've got to get in a few frames of this one, right?)

(Kirsty Wigglesworth/AP)

Ashley hits the ball ...

(Kirsty Wigglesworth/AP)

... then Maria hits it back ...

(We now move forward in the match) ...

(Kirsty Wigglesworth/AP)

Maria hits another shot in what could be the most unflattering picture we've ever seen of her.
No, wait, this one is worse:

(Kirsty Wigglesworth/AP)

Have you noticed yet the name of the photographer taking these pictures? What's a wiggle worth these days in London?

This is a shot from that beer commercial that ran a few years ago. We forget the beer company name. We thought it was appropriate to bring it back into everyone's memory at this point in the match.

(Kirsty Wigglesworth/AP)

No, it's neither Maria nor Ashley. This is Spain's Anabel Medina Garrigues returning a shot from Argentina's Clarisa Fernandez during their match Thursday. Look closely at Anabel's bottom lip. How the heck are you allowed to play with a stud sticking out like that? That doesn't go against the All England Lawnchair Association dress code?

(Kirsty Wigglesworth/AP)

And this is Severine Bremond of France in her win over Switzerland's Patty Schnyder , also on Thursday.
(Again, Ms. Wigglesworth has a snappy shutter going there).

(Alastair Grant/AP)

And this is a pigeon that walked onto Centre Court while Andy Murray was playing against Julien Benneteau. Ms. Wiggleworth wasn't around to take this lame picture. Congrats to you instead, Mr. Grant, for your brilliant work.

Posted by Tom Hoffarth at 1:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

This is a booking photo of the woman charged with stalking Milwaukee Brewers radio broadcaster Bob Uecker.
What else is there left to say.

But here's the whole ugly story:

MILWAUKEE (AP) - It began six or seven years ago, with a stream of flowers, baseball cards and teddy bears arriving in the mail.

The last straw came last month: a confrontation at a hotel pool in Pittsburgh.

Now Bob Uecker wants Ann Ladd to stay away.

The 71-year-old Uecker, the longtime and beloved radio broadcaster for the Milwaukee Brewers, has filed for a restraining order against Ladd, of Prospect Heights, Ill. Felony stalking charges have been filed against the 45-year-old Ladd, who was arrested in Illinois on June 22 and brought to Milwaukee.

Wednesday, Ladd was released on bond and ordered to have no contact with Uecker, and to avoid any ballpark where the Brewers play. If convicted, Ladd could face up to 3 1/2 years in prison and a $25,000 fine.

Uecker, who has not commented publicly on the case, did not respond to an interview request from The Associated Press. Uecker's attorney, Andrew Wronski, declined comment.

But in court documents, Uecker says that Ladd's "unwelcome contact is regular and increasingly aggressive," and the hotel incident "put him in fear of his physical safety."

One of Ladd's attorneys, Christopher Stawski, says Ladd's actions don't meet the legal definition of stalking.

"You have to show this kind of bad intent behind it, and I don't think what she did qualifies," Stawski said.

Court documents describe an unsettling string of contact and correspondence from Ladd, but there's nothing to rival a recent stalking case involving tennis player Anna Kournikova. Last year, a naked man tried to swim across Miami's Biscayne Bay to Kournikova's estate and ended up at the wrong house yelling, "Anna, save me!"

Given Uecker's image as someone famous for being not famous — he used self-deprecating humor to turn a below-average baseball career into success as a broadcaster, beer pitchman and actor — some people's first reaction might be to chuckle.

Who the heck would stalk Bob Uecker?

But Mindy Mechanic, a psychology professor at Cal State-Fullerton who has studied stalking behavior, said no such case should be considered trivial.

"I'm sure it is scary, because you really don't know what that person is capable of," Mechanic said. "You don't know if they have access to a weapon. You don't know where they'll show up next."

Stawski said Uecker never had anything to fear.

"She's a baseball fan," Stawski said. "And like, I think, a lot of us, she enjoys listening to Bob Uecker on the radio. There was no intent, again, to harm him."

Stawski noted that Uecker "comes off on the radio as a guy who's approachable, friendly," and notes that Uecker often talks on the air about his interaction with fans.

"She just didn't perceive him as being so unapproachable as he apparently is," Stawski said.

The problem, however, came in the ways Ladd tried to approach Uecker.

According to court documents, Ladd began by mailing him gifts and items to autograph, first to his office at Milwaukee's Miller Park and then to his homes in Wisconsin and Arizona.

In 2004, she began waiting for him outside an elevator he uses at the stadium, once hiding around the corner and jumping out at him unexpectedly.

In late 2005, Ladd sent Uecker a letter asking him to meet with her to discuss "projects." A later letter said the project was "in fact you."

Uecker recognized Ladd at an autograph session in April and initially refused to sign her items. Uecker then signed one item and Ladd was taken away by team security officers. The incident led to a letter from Ladd saying, "Disdainfully, I am met with your recurrent coldness."

Then came the May 29 pool incident at the Westin hotel in Pittsburgh, where Uecker was staying with the Brewers and registered under a false name.

Ladd, who had booked a room on the same hotel floor as Uecker, met him at the pool around 8 a.m. and asked for a personal meeting. Uecker said he refused and told her to stop bothering him.

But Stawski noted that it is common for fans to gather in the lobby of a visiting team's hotel to look for autographs. Stawski, himself a Brewers season ticket holder, said he receives a media guide from the team that lists which hotels teams stay in on the road.

"I don't think that type of behavior is that unusual - in fact, I would argue that the team encourages it," Stawski said. "Don't publish it."

Mechanic said drawing the line between rabid fan behavior and stalking is a challenge, even to researchers.

"At some level, some types of intense pursuit are normative," Mechanic said. "It's normative to engage in 'groupie'-type behavior."

So if researchers have problems drawing such a line, Mechanic said, it can be extremely difficult for somebody who might have a mental disorder. "You may not even see that line to begin with," Mechanic said.

And in Ladd's case, the line might have extended outside ballparks and team hotels.

In court filings, Uecker states a "strong belief" that Ladd has driven her car past his house.

"She never approached him at his house," Stawski said. "Now, whether she may have driven past the house, that may or may not be the case. I don't know."

One day after the pool incident in Pittsburgh, Ladd was warned to leave Uecker alone.

The next morning, she was back at the hotel pool.

Ladd didn't get the message then, but Stawski said she does now.

"I think she understands that Mr. Uecker perceives her intentions as something other than they were," he said. "And given what's transpired, I am sure that she will not engage in any further behavior that he perceives as harassment."

OK, stop. We can't read anymore.
Let's move on and forget this all happened ...

Posted by Tom Hoffarth at 2:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Thomas G. Arthur passed away the other day, on June 8 to be exact, just a month short of his 85th birthday.
His name may not be immediately recognized to sports fans of Southern California, but if it wasn't for him, one of the most iconic items sold over the last several decades at Dodger Stadium may never have come about.
It was Arthur who invented the Dodger Dog.

"Tom was an honest, very capable restaurateur," Peter O'Malley, the former Dodgers owner, explained on the phone Monday when asked about the legacy left by the man who started Arthur Foods Services, Inc., which had all the food stops for the team at Dodger Stadium once it opened, following up for what he did for them when they were at the Coliseum after moving out from Brooklyn in 1958.

"The Dodger Dog was definitely his idea; he deserves all the credit," said O'Malley. "It worked out all the details about the extra long casings with the Clougherty family at Farmer John, and they brought it to us one day and asked if they could try an extra-long hot dog.

"We said, sure, try it out. Everyone respected his judgment, and we respected him since the late '50s, when he was doing the concessions for us at the Coliseum. There was no harm in trying it out. And it was a hit from the start."

Those who've been going to games at Dodger Stadium forever probably think they've always had the extra-longs for sale. Mark Langill, the team's historian, notes through his research that the first references to Dodger Dogs in the game programs were in 1970 -- the first year Peter O'Malley took over as team president. A hot dog at the stadium could have been unofficially called a "Dodger Dog" without it necessarily being the longer version. A program ad for Farmer John has the tagline: "Try the Dodger Dogs at the Stadium."

Morrell meats were the first provider of the stadium hot dogs, through Arthur's company, until Vernon-based Farmer John came aboard later in the 70s. (Hormel Meats recently purchased Farmer John).

The famous Dodger Dog has become a symbol of the team. A food stop at Universal CityWalk (above) carries the name. The team has since created a stuff Dodger Dot character and a bottle-head (a bobble-weiner?) figure for sale at the Top of the Park store.

From a 1988 story in Nation's Restaurant News about ballpark food, Arthur knew that the more simple the menu was, the better. And what could be more simple than a Dodger Dog, an idea he had from eating Nathan's footlongs back in Coney Island when he was a kid.

"There's something American about a hot dog," said Arthur. "As a rule, hungry people don't go to ball games. Most of the people who attend Dodger games have already had dinner and just want one or two hot dogs and maybe a bag of peanuts."

Two years later, in a story in the L.A. Times, Arthur explained why new food products are a survival of the fittest, and why sticking with the basics usually works best.

"We don't put an emphasis (on) what the fans should buy," Arthur said. "You can't force-feed anything on people. We're dealing with a pretty intelligent group of fans. You might sell something to them one time, but the second-time sale won't be there. We look for the guy who makes his mind up on the way to the park that he's going to have a hot dog.

"We're trying to focus on the family-the guy who takes his wife, kids and maybe the neighbor kids. The blue level at Dodger Stadium
is the family crowd, and that's where the real action is."

From a business standpoint, it's tough to say that anything has sold better than a Dodger Dog at the stadium, grilled, boiled or otherwise. The USA Today graphic above shows that the Dodgers are the leaders in hot dog sales every year, according to the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council, mostly because of that novelty wiener is no longer just a running joke. Outside of "buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack," the hot dog is probably the most identified ballpark food through the years.

O'Malley points out that it was Arthur's background as an artist that led to his creativity in the food department.

Arthur, a World War II veteran, attended Art Center School of Design and USC School of Architecture as he pursued a dream to become a cartoonist and illustrator. Out of necessity, he started a food and drink vending business at L.A. movie theatres that developed into contracts with the Coliseum and Sports Arena, and eventually Dodger Stadium. He retired in 1991 when it became too costly to operate the food stuff and the Dodgers hired a bigger company.

Now, as for the fact that the Dodger Dog may not be the healthiest of health foods available at the stadium, no one really seems to care. On the Farmer John Website, you can see that a 76-gram Dodger Dog extra-long "meat weiner" (as opposed to the 76-gram extra-long FrankFooter beef frank) does pack alot of "junk": 190 calories, 21 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 50 mg of cholesterol, 780 mg of sodium and 8 grams of protein.

And fans continue to love all 10 inches of 'em.

"I don't know of any other club that sells a hot dog that long," said O'Malley. "Or anyone that has sold one over this long a time."

Posted by Tom Hoffarth at 8:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

(Lenny Ignelzi/AP)
Neither San Diego Padres right fielder Brian Giles nor a Petco Park fan can come up trying to catch a home run by Seattle Mariners' Richie Sexson in the eighth inning of their game Sunday.

Here's some more of the stuff you may see later on SportsCenter, but look just as cool by the Associated Press photography staff:

BENT LIKE ... BECKHAM:

(Martin Rickett/AP)
England's David Beckham fires off one his trademark benders on a free kick during the game against Ecuador ...

(Deither Endlicher/AP)
... and teammates Frank Lampard, left, and John Terry celebrate as Beckham's kick goes into the net, the only goal in England's victory during the World Cup round of 16.

(Thomas Kienzle/AP)
Meanwhile, the girlfriend of Ashley Cole, left, and Victoria Beckham, David's wife, seem to have lost their focus while in the stands at Gottlieb-Daimler Stadium in Stuttgart, Germany. Where's the game? Wouldn't know from looking at this pair.

UP THE LADDER, BUT NOT HIGH ENOUGH

(Ric Francis/AP)
Pittsburgh shortstop Freddy Sanchez fails to reach a ball hit by the Dodgers' Kenny Lofton in the third inning of the game at Dodger Stadium.

NOW CAN WE PLAY?

(Kathy Willens/AP)
Alex Chung, Andrew Galante and Michael Boulos, all 10-years-old, wait for the baseball game between the New York Yankees and the Florida Marlins to begin at Yankee Stadium after rain caused a delay.

FOR THE BIRDS

(Chris Gardner/AP)
Russ Ortiz, far right, the former Montclair Prep star, talks with pitching coach Leo Mazzone, left, and coach Rick Dempsey, center, after a workout before the Baltimore Orioles game against Washington. The Arizona Diamondbacks released Ortiz last week, and the Orioles picked him up Sunday, despite his 0-5 record and 7.54 ERA in six starts. Mazzone was Ortiz's pitching coach back in Atlanta in 2003 and '04, where he won 21 games for the Braves that first season.

A ROCKY DAY FOR BULLWINKLE

(Paulo Duarte/AP)
A supporter of The Netherland's national soccer team cheers before the start of The Netherlands vs Portugal World Cup game. Portugal won. No bull.

MORE CARTOON FUN

(Roberto Pfeil/AP)
David Odonkor, a star player on German's national soccer team, leaves the team hotel in Berlin with his Wile E. Coyote T-shirt, a day after they knocked out Sweden in the round of 16.

ONE FOR THE OLD MAN

That's Shawn King, the very young wife of the very old CNN talk show host Larry King, singing the National Anthem before the start of the Orioles-Nationals game in Baltimore. He must be very proud.

Posted by Tom Hoffarth at 3:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

How can you not be a fan of Barry Zito , the modern-day equalivant to another former USC pitcher, Bill Lee .
But is the Half-Baked Zito slowly turning into The Garv when it comes to making good with creditors?

This just off the low-speed sports wire:

LOS ANGELES (AP) -- A contractor has sued Barry Zito, claiming the Oakland Athletics pitcher owes more than $200,000 for remodeling work on his home.
Ramland Construction Co. is seeking $210,275, plus 10 percent interest, according to the lawsuit filed Tuesday in Los Angeles Superior Court.
The contractor claims Zito breached the written deal they had when the pitcher allegedly stopped payments in February on the original bill of $563,000.
The work included $27,000 for new kitchen cabinets, a $20,000 Koi fish pond, $12,000 in new kitchen appliances, a $10,000 aquarium, $7,100 for an aquarium enclosure and $4,200 for a firepit at Zito's West Hollywood home.
Bruce Rudman, attorney for the contractor, said in court documents that he will try to have the case sent to arbitration.
"We are surprised to hear of this filing and cannot comment until we have a copy of the lawsuit," Kathy Jacobson, Zito's publicist, said Thursday.

Maybe a copy will pop up soon on The Smoking Gun.

What would Barry be doing living in West L.A.?

And why would he need a koi pond?

To impress Leeann Tweden?

To win back Alyssa Milano?

The questions with Zito will never end.....

For a link to the real Barry, check out his cause, Strikeouts For Troops...

Posted by Tom Hoffarth at 11:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Superagent Scott Boras has been called many things by many people.
The devil? Sure, that provokes one image of him by at least a few general managers around major league hardball.

But how about God?

It happened to one of his clients. Or, at least, to a reporter who didn't hear the player correctly, and easily assumed he meant one thing when ... well, have a look at it yourself:

In the June 7 Los Angeles Times, there's a story about Luke Hochevar, who had been drafted by the Dodgers out of the University of Tennessee in 2005. Boras was signed up as his agent, which meant Hochevar was putting his career into Scott Almightly.
Boras wanted top dollar. The Dodgers didn't budge. As a result, Hochevar went back into the 2006 draft. The Kansas City Royals took him with the first overall choice.
Hochevar seemed relieved that the ordeal was over.

In the Times' story, Luke (above) had this to say:
"Scott had a plan in this, and his master plan definitely worked," Hochevar said. "It was tough through it — you go through it and you fight it — but when it all comes down to it, Scott has a plan for you, and he definitely worked a miracle in my case."

Well, almost.

Here's a correction that appeared in the Times two weeks later, on June 21:

An article in Sports on June 7 quoted pitcher Luke Hochevar, drafted by the Kansas City Royals, as referring to "Scott" -- Scott Boras, his agent -- when in fact he used the word "God."
Here is the correct quote: "God had a plan in this, and his master plan definitely worked. It was tough through it -- you go through it and you fight it -- but when it all comes down to it, God has a plan for you, and he definitely worked a miracle in my case."

OK, we get it. Easy mistake.
(Although Boras probably doesn't think one was made).
Won't happen again. God forbid.

On that note, if there's a need to clear things up, check out this new book "And God Said, Play Ball" by Gary Graf.

For the record, that's not Boras' hand on the left. Or the right.

Posted by Tom Hoffarth at 9:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

What the name of Charles Atlas do any of us know about Ghana?

The country's population in 2005 was 21,029,853 _ slightly less than the state of Texas (22,859,568) but far fewer rednecks.
It was the first African country to obtain its independence from Britain. Take that, Beckham.
It has major cities named Ho and Tamale. But not Hot Tamale.

Learn more fun facts about this tiny West African nation as several online resources as its squad of kickballers face the U.S. in another put-up-or-shut-up game in the World Freakin' Cup.

Our running commentary from today's U.S.-Ghana contest that started at the crack of dawn -- OK, 6:55 a.m. -- follows:

Ghana doesn't even know if it has enough electricity in its country to power all the TV sets watching today's game. Seriously. We have computers, Blackberrys, etc.
Guilt trip, eh?

Let's begin with another Red Bull and a heaping plate of fufu (see below):

6:30 a.m.: Top of the pregame show, ESPN's Reece Davis uses the phrases, "The day is here -- judgment day for Bruce Arena and Team USA ..." and "one game to elevate one dream" and "four years of blood and sweat built for this moment." Who is he channeling, Brent Musburger?

6:31 a.m.: Dave O'Brien's voice over (over the U2 video) uses that phrase again, "One game changes everything."

6:32 a.m.: Davis asks Julie Foudy if knowing the Czech-Italy game matters simultanously: "On the field, you don't care about the other game ... only if it's tied at halftime and (talking about) goal differential."
In that case, we'll check over on ESPN2 for updates since Julie doesn't want to care.
If the Czechs and Italians wink and decide to tie, as Wynalda implies, the U.S. needs to beat Ghana 4-0. Sounds like a plan to us.

6:35 a.m.: Marcelo Balboa makes first camera appearance. His he wearing hair extenders? Or it just his Lindsay Lohan look of the day (mustache included)?

6:40 a.m.: A look at the US lineup: 5 defenders, 4 midfielders and one lone forward (Brian McBride). And you wonder how games end up nil-nil. Is the midfield wide enough for five dudes?

6:41 a.m.: Shelley Smith interviews Bruce Arena. It's a two-shot. Can't handle it this early in the AM. First question: Bruce, what's your lineup? Arena rattles it off. Kinda just like we saw in the graphic on the screen seconds earlier. Smith then kind of rushes him off, asking questions over his answers. Good to see her technique hasn't changed.

6:48 a.m.: Wynalda: "Landon Donovan, show up today. Please." Kind of like what Alexi Lalas says before every Galaxy game.

6:58 a.m.: The U.S. lineup again. And the U.S. fans are ready to party.

7 a.m.: Dave O'Brien's first innocuous comment of the day: British oddsmakers have made Ghana a 6-to-5 favorite. Promoting some gambling, are we? Where on ESPN.com can we get some action on that spread?

7:02 a.m.: First ominous graphic of the day comes down from the top of the screen: The U.S. is 0-8-1 in World Cup games in Europe and has been outscored 24-5.

7:05 a.m.: Ghana dude Essien gets a yellow card. Balboa is already griping about the refs.

7:06 a.m.: Here's a did you know: Ghana folk love to eat fufu balls. They're crushed up yams or plantains or casavas with black pepper and butter. We found a recipe that asks that you put the boiled yams in a food processor to remove the lumps, but don't puree it. I'm sure the Ghana housewives will take heed to that.
Here's the recipe from a famine relief organization (type in the words "fufu balls" into the search engine) if you're in the mood to cook, as well as donate a little pocket change to the cause. C'mon.

7:07 a.m. Another did you know: The Washington Post has a fantasy World Cup game going on, where you pick six players and a team's defense, and how they perform gets you points. It's stupid enough to try out. The guy leading seems to have created 352 different teams. Why not give it a shot.

7:08 a.m.: O'Brien mentions one of the guys out there plays in the MLS, but he doesn't get into what MLS stands for. Why not: He explained what the letters FIFA meant during the England contest the other day.

7:11 a.m.: Ghana has a guy named Pimpong. Pronounced (almost) like Ping-Pong. At least it is by O'Brien and Balboa.

7:17 a.m.: Breaking news scroll at the bottom of the screen: The Knicks have fired Larry Brown, and Isiah Thomas will take over as the head coach. Good to know the Knicks aren't taking away from the importance of this event with anything earthshaking.

7:18 a.m. Out of boredom, I flip on 97.5 FM, KLYY, the Futbol de Primera network coverage in Spanish, where Andres Cantor works these days. When Ghana scores, I want to hear that classic "Goooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaalll" call. And I have no idea if Andres is even doing this game. Lot of mention of "la pelota," so I'm good.

7:23 a.m. Haminu Draman of Ghana scores and -- no doubt about it -- it's the Cantor call is in full effect. The dog next door starts barking. I crank the volume up more. The family cat runs under the bed. My friend across the street comes out to water his lawn, but mostly to look at my front window to see if anyone needs to call "911."

7:24 a.m.: Claudio Reyna is dragged off on a stretcher after Draman showed up him just before scoring.

7:25 a.m.: ESPN graphic: Teams scoring first in this World Cup have a 25-5-5 record.

7:26 a.m.: The Ghana goalie is laying on the ground. Now's the time for the U.S. guys to start shooting at the net. Instead, they stop to see if he's hurt.

7:27 a.m.: Update: Italy leads the Czech Republic, 1-0.

7:36 a.m. ESPN graphic: Landon Donovan has not scored in his last 17 national games. How many Galaxy games can we throw in there, too?

7:40 a.m. So I'm at the Dodger game last night, and someone in the press box mentions that Miss July , in the current issue of Playboy (which I don't subscribe to and only read for the sports-related stories) looks an awful lot like Lindsay Soto, the Fox Sports Net reporter.

Here's Miss July, Sara Jean Underwood:

Here's one of Lindsay from the Daily News archives, from the story we did on her in early 2005:

Nope, don't see it. Lindsay doesn't have braids.
Probably gotta go out and pick up the issue in question.
(Pause to rummage through my stack of magazines under the desk).
Oh, here it is.
Hmmmm.
It also says here that Miss Underwear -- uh, Underwood -- is a former "Girl of the Pac-10," from Oregon State back in 2005. Soto, a respected journalist, would never stoop to such nonsense, even though she attended USC.

7:43 a.m.: U.S. scores!!! 43rd minute. Finally. Cantor screams. Clint Dempsey does a dance. It's a 1-1 tie. There's an actual live cutaway to Columbus Crew Stadium in Ohio.

7:48 a.m.: Ghana scores on a penalty kick. Someone named Appiah. Cantor's call has now frightened the squirrels that run across the backyard looking for stray nuts. Ghana leads 2-1. Where's Dempsey's dance now?

7:50 a.m.: Halftime. Red Bull that came in, time to go out.

7:55 a.m.: Rewind the TiVo, needing to hear Dave O'Brien's U.S. goal call. Here it is:
"DeMarcus Beasley gets it back, plays it in, across to Dempsey, he did it! This one is tied! (Long crowd noise).
"Well, they're excited in Columbus. They're excited in Manhattan, and Los Angeles and Chicago and Boston!"
Another dog yelps outside the window. He couldn't let the crowd keep cheering?

8:04 a.m. Start of the second half. Intrepet reporter Shelly Smith relays info to the booth that there'll be a quick decision about Eddie Johnson entering the game for a scoring boost. You think? Balboa: "I might have started him. You need goals."

8:07 a.m.: ESPN graphic, again to get the U.S. viewers to stay around through the second half: "United State is 0-14-2 when trailing in World Cup games." Not just at halftime. But trailing at any point.
O'Brien then says the U.S. is 0-13-1 when trailing. Of course, he's reading a note that was in effect before this tournament, not taking into account the two games played (a loss and a tie) this past week.
I gotta stick with O'Brien instead of Cantor. The entertainment value is just too good.

8:10 a.m. O'Brien now points out that Bruce Arena teams are 2-16-2 when trailing at the half. We have no clue whether his information is even accurate at this point.

8:17 a.m.: U.S. bald goalie makes a nice save, to prevent it becoming a 3-1 deficit. So how's that four-goal victory working for the Americans?

8:18 a.m.: O'Brien, and a graphic, provide this info: The Americans have never won the third game in Group play first round: 0-5-0. Again, who do you trust?

8:22 a.m.: O'Brien: "Landon Don ... I should say, Ben Olsen, taken down. That was Pimpong with the foul."

8:23 a.m.: Eddie Johnson is subbed in.

8:24 a.m.: O'Brien: "If you're just joining us ..." We tuned out whatever came after that.

8:36 a.m.: U.S. makes its last sub, bringing in Bobby Convey. He must be Bruce Arena's non-victory cigar sub.

8:39 a.m.: O'Brien and Balboa are still harping on that penalty call. O'Brien mentions that the ref, Markus Merk (above, explaining his call to incredulous U.S. players), is a dentist by trade, from Germany. Thanks for that update.

8:43 a.m.: Update: Italy leads 2-0 now against the Czechs. Now the U.S. just needs to score a dozen goals to advance, right?

8:44 a.m.: Did you know: Judgment at Nuremberg was a Stanley Kramer flick made in 1961, starring Spencer Tracy and Burt Lancaster. Amazon.com has copies available starting at $4.96.

8:48 a.m.: O'Brien: "Alot of the USA fans beginning to sense their fate on this day... Inside five minutes ... Four years of dreaming, of sweating and working so hard ... the United States on the verge of elimination."

8:49 a.m.: My next door neighbor is starting construction on his house again. Little early in the day to start the jackhammer, eh? I gotta turn up the volume. Why in the world did they buy that house for $1.6 million, then start tearing it apart and redoing everything? New front door. Repainting the outside. New windows. Who knows what they're doing now...

8:50 a.m.: Final: Italy 2, Czechs 0.

8:52 a.m.: O'Brien: "Donovan ... feeds it to Olsen ... takes a swing and a miss!" Good to know he hasn't lost his fastball on a good baseball cliche.

8:53 a.m.: We're in extra time. Can't the U.S. team put Mia Hamm into the game now? Or the chick pulling off her top to distract the Ghana team?

8:57 a.m.: O'Brien: "The draw against Italy was inspiring and couragous, but this one is over and the U.S. World Cup dreams are finished." And here's a picture of your American losing team to put up on the wall for the next four years:

9 a.m.: Eric Wynalda, after saying the players' efforts were good: "I'm more concerned about the managerial position of the United States National team ... I'm going to be the first one to say it, Bruce Arena screwed up this World Cup for the U.S."
Reece Davis, kind of taken aback: "I know we're in the immediate aftermath of a heartbreaking loss, but if you're putting the World Cup on him, then what does it mean for his future?"
Wynalda: "I'm talking about the first two games, the confidence was not there, they never got into any one of these games ...
"This team, as much as it was being touted as the best American team, was poorly managed, and the problem I have with this the strength of Bruce Arena has always been to put people in positions where they'll be successful. On several occasions in this World Cup, that was not the case. The end result, gotta say too little, too late, Bruce did not make the right moves."
Julie Foudy then rambled on, sort of agreeing, and then put it on the players: "Where was Landon Donovan?"
Wynalda: "Playing in a 4-5 system, that's where he was."

Wynalda's final shot on Arena: "The horseshoe fell out of his back pocket."
So as Arena checks the time left in his coaching career, we'll sign off. Thank goodness we're up early enough now to catch "The View" from start to finish.

Posted by Tom Hoffarth at 6:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I emailed a poster from the movie "Nacho Libre" to my brother, because the guy who plays the sidekick to Jack Black (on the right) looked alot like my nephew.
My brother sent the picture back, with a slight alteration, and the note:
"I was looking at the other guy in the photo too. Kinda looks like another family member..."
Yeah, like me.
In face, and body type.
If only I could master Photoshop ...

Posted by Tom Hoffarth at 10:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The Dodgers announced today the list of Hollywood luminaries -- that's what it says in the press release -- who plan to participate (some will actually wear a glove and compete) in the annual "Hollywood Stars" softball game at 5:15 p.m., before Saturday's Dodger game against Pittsburgh at Dodger Stadium.

Talk about setting the bar low. No Rob Lowe or Sean Astin (see above). Not even Tony Danza and his star on the Walk of Fame to brag about.

Remember, this isn't like the old days, when Sinatra would take his cuts against Nat King Cole, pitching to Jerry Lewis in actual baseball game.
It's not even the days of Billy Crystal playing a decent shortstop.
Go farther down, when it was David Hasselhoff, Robert Wuhl, Keanu Reeves or Molly Sims.
Lower? Randolph Mantooth.

It's softball now, and there's a smaller fence put up so fans can sit in the field before they're chased back to their stadium seats.
The shine came off this annual exhibition long ago, and the McCourts have tried to spice it up in recent years, trying to get the Hollywood community to embrace the team and buy tickets and seen and get seen.

Here's the best they could come up, pretty much in order of star power:

Actors or actresses we've heard of:
James Denton from "Desperate Housewives"
Louis Gossett Jr. (who only plans to be a coach)
Michael Clarke Duncan of “Sin City��?

The "B" list who are supposed to provide the comic relief:
Jimmy Kimmel from "Jimmy Kimmel Live."
Adam Carolla from "The Adam Carolla Show"
Sarah Silverman from "School of Rock" and her own comedy specials.

Former athletes who agreed to share their star power:
Mia Hamm of USA Women’s Soccer (happens to be married to Nomar Garciaparra)
Former Dodger third baseman Ron Cey
Former Cy Young Award pitcher Bret Saberhagen

Current mayor of Los Angeles who has been in Sacramento this week trying to take over the school district:
Antonio Villaraigosa

A formidable infield that we've actually heard of but now they need this exposure to help their IMDB.com resume:
Jonathan Silverman: Comes every year because he's available and can play shortstop.
Mario Lopez: Last seen on "ESPN Hollywood" and embarassed by any "Saved By The Bell" references. But has big muscles.
James Van Der Beek: Pushing sales of “Dawson’s Creek��? DVD boxed set, made a great catch tearing down the fence in the 2004 game (above).
Corbin Bernsen: He's listed as being connect to “Psych." Is that a movie or TV show?

Those who should be embarassed to even considering attending, but must have good agents:
Matt Gallant, host of "American Inventor"
Brooke Burke, host of CBS' "Rockstar"
Brian White of "Family Stone"
Carlos Mencia of "Mind of Mencia��?
Shane Powers of “Survivor Exile Island��?
Kendra Wilkinson of “Girls Next Door��?
Wolfgang Bodison of “Akeelah and the Bee��?
Tony Potts of "Access Hollywood��?
Michael Rosenbaum of “Smallville��?
Scott Patterson of "Gilmore Girls��?
Larry Joe Campbell of “According to Jim��?
Dave Annable of “Brothers and Sisters��?
Tony Todd of “Little Big League��?
Jen Finnigan from "Close to Home"

Nico from Latino 96.3 will emcee.

Be sure to arrive in time for the introductions. It may be the only applause they get all night.

Posted by Tom Hoffarth at 1:15 PM | Permalink

Pardon my 10th grade Spanish, but that's the charm of "Nacho Libre," which may or may not be the best sports flick of 2006. But at the midway point of this calendar year, why not start throwing a list together, to see where we stand, and where we'll need to improve before the Christmas rush.

With much anticipation, we finally got to see Jerga Negro (again, maybe our translation of Jack Black needs some work) in action in "Nacho Libre," the inept Friar Ignacio turned into a lucha libre, with his sidekick, Esqueleto (the Skeleton). It was definitely part "Napoleon Dynamite," part ... we're not sure. Many of the critics, like MTV's Kurt Loder, weren't real hot on it. Loder calls it "a curious misfire ... (that despite) some spirited wrestling scenes — it's oddly low on energy."

Agreed. But Kurt, did you NOT notice that Ana de la Reguera(above) was in the flick? As a nun, for cryin' out loud? Any boob can see her potential as a "Monday Night Football" sideline reporter. And she uses her real Latino name.

For those who wonder if "Nacho" even fit into the sports-genre category, here's our list of the top movies with some kind of sports element that have come out this year so far:

1. "Akeelah and the Bee": If it's on ESPN, is it a sport?

2. "Nacho Libre": Men grappling other men. And midgets.

3. "Game 6": Already out in DVD. Michael Keaton, and the 1986 World Series.

4. "Benchwarmers": Jon Heder (N. Dynamite) returns.

5. "She's The Man": Amanda Bynes as a soccer chick. Yup, it works.

As for the top bona-fide, no doubt sports movies of 2006 so far:

1. "Glory Road": A story that needed to be told, even with some inaccuracies.

2. "The World's Fastest Indian": Anthony Hopkins breaks the land speed record on something pretty archaic.

3. "Peaceful Warrior": A college gymnasts seeks advice.

4. "Stick It": A rebel girl must to back to become a gymnast.

The best documentaries so far:

1. "Heart of the Game": In theatres now.

The bottom sports movies of 2006, so far:

1. "Goal: The Dream Begins": Like a Telemundo soap opera. The first of a trilogy. Can't wait to miss the other two.

2. "Cloud 9": Burt Reynolds as a women's beach volleyball coach, with Angie Everhardt Gabby Reece and Paul Rodriguez. All that's missing is Tom Arnold. Oh, wait. Here's there, too. Went straight to video. Can't blame 'em.

Coming later this year to find a spot on one of those lists above:

"Talladega Nights": Will Ferrell does NASCAR.

"Invincible": Marky Mark does the Philadelphia Eagles.

"Gridiron Gang": The Rock does pigskin.

"Once In a Lifetime": A documentary about the New York Cosmos.

"Church Ball": Fred Willard, Gary Coleman and Kareem Abdul Jabbar about a Mormon basketball team. We're still on a mission to find it.

Are we missing anything? (And no, Terry Bradshaw naked in "Failure To Launch" doesn't count). Email your top 10 ...

Posted by Tom Hoffarth at 8:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The Sports Business Journal, a weekly publication connectioned to the excellent daily must-read, The Sports Business Daily, posed that question and tried to answer it in a story it published in its June 19-25 issue.

Hopefully you can read it via this link. If not, post a comment and we'll find a way to email you a copy.
You can also read it if you sign up for a trial subscription.

Posted by Tom Hoffarth at 1:41 PM | Permalink

Now that we know who Gary Coleman is cheering for, it's obvious that it ain't easy being green, or a kickball fan, if the best you can do is slap on the grease paint and try to do a Blue Man Group cheer for your country.
The Associated Press' photogs came up with these fan shots from the World Freakin' Cup, just in the last day or two. Too good not to show off ...

Just saw an ad in the paper about a new website where "gentlemen who wish to correspond with beautiful women of the Ukraine" can just sign up and have at it. Is she one of 'em?

xxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx

No idea what that means, but it's probably a complaint that the scoreboard clock is wrong because it wasn't made in Switzerland.

xxxxx xxxxx xxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxx

Either a PETA protest in Seoul, or a statement about some of the less attractive female fans on Korea's side.

xx xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxx

Yes, the Los Angeles Angels of Korea have their own fan club.

xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxx

A couple of German guys show their support for Saudi Arabia before Monday's game against the Ukraine. In a similar gesture, Saudi fans will dress as their favorite cast members of "Hogan's Heroes" to help cheer on the Krauts later in the tournament.

xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxx

Nothing particularily special about this picture, just the guilty pleasure of watching French fans upset over that stunning tie against Korea on Sunday. Oui, oui. Didn't see us crying about a tie against Italy, did you?

xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxx xxx

Apparently, the affects of eating mad-cow beef from above in Korea aren't pretty.

xxx xxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxx

An American fan dressed up as an ESPN reporter asks Landon Donovan for an autograph ... uh, an interview ... moments before an embrace.

xxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxx

And you wonder why everyone is pulling for Brazil to win. Can we get that guy out of the picture next time?

Posted by Tom Hoffarth at 10:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

"I just can't believe I did that, I'm such an idiot," Phil Mickelson told reporters at Winged Foot shortly after a double-bogey on the 18th hole cost him the U.S. Open by one stroke.
San Jose Mercury News columnist Mark Purdy, one of my favorites, could be saying the same thing today.

"Mickelson may not win, but don't expect a choke" was the headline on Purdy's column that appeared Sunday morn before the final round.

Here's what it said, in part (with excerpts on our part in boldface for added emphasis):

MAMARONECK, N.Y. - Sigh. Remember the good old days?

It wasn't so long ago that you would look forward to the final round of the U.S. Open with relish -- because you knew, you just knew, that it was time for Phil Mickelson to choke.

You could practically set your calendar by it: Middle of June. Sunday afternoon. Final nine holes. Time for Mickelson to gag.

We seem to have moved beyond that era.

In fact, we seem to have moved 180 degrees into an entirely different era. It's hilarious, really. Saturday evening here at Winged Foot, after Mickelson shot a 1-under-par 69 to end his round in a tie for the Open lead, he actually had to tone down the expectations of reporters. They kept asking him what it would be like to win his third consecutive major championship. Mickelson said they were ``jumping ahead a little bit'' and pleaded for caution.

``Let's just wait another 24 hours,'' Mickelson said, ``and see if I put together one more good round. I've got 18 holes tomorrow and I have not ever won this trophy.''

True, and true. But it's amazing what winning two Masters titles and a PGA Championship will do for a guy's reputation. Once known as the best man never to win a major, Mickelson is now playing better golf than anyone on the planet -- including That Tiger Guy who missed the cut.

How sure a thing is he today? Even among his fellow competitors, you won't find anyone who thinks Mickelson is likely to fold ...

The Old Phil was notorious for being too much of a risk-taker on the course. That meant he was just as likely to make double-bogeys as birdies down the stretch. The New Phil has discovered the proper math for the Open, where par is precious. He struggled early Saturday but kept making enough pars so that when he did dump in two birdie putts on the back nine, he could leap up the leader board ...

It is no accident that Mickelson is making those pars. This is another part of the New Phil that is rarely mentioned: He now does homework like a man studying for a poa annua bar exam.

You think someone like that is going to seize up and collapse today? If you are tuning in today in hopes of seeing something like that, you had better change the channel. Maybe you should go over to Tiger Woods' house and ask to borrow the remote control.

Sorry, Mark. Maybe we just don't know the real Phil yet.

Posted by Tom Hoffarth at 10:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Take a look at that map of Italy. No wonder they're good at futball. They're about to put a boot up the rear end of the U.S. World Freakin' Cup soccer hopes. We gotta protect Reggio di Calabria from doing some damage to our spastic isthmus of Mississippi.

Somehow I woke up in time to actually do another live commentary of today's contest, as a follow up to Monday's U.S.-Czech mess.
We'll put the frozen pizza in the oven and have it ready to burn by about 1:30 this afternoon.

10:04 p.m.: First off, you gotta go to this Website and play this game where you click the mouse under a soccer ball and try to keep it up in the air to score points. Why couldn't real soccer be like this?

11 a.m.: The plan for this was to catch the action on Univision Channel 34 -- like everyone else seems to be doing in Los Angeles. I went into Jerry's Deli in Woodland Hills yesterday for lunch (because I love spending $14 on a tuna melt), and just about everyone working there -- yes, the guys from the kitchen, especially -- were poking their heads out to see the Mexico-Angola contest.
If I do that, the sound has to go down, and I don't get the inane commentary from Dave O'Brien. Sorry.

11:15 a.m.: I realized I TiVo'd the Czech-Ghana game from earlier in the day on ABC. Flip it on. Brent Musburger, of all tired broadcasters to drag out, is on the studio set with Wynalda, Lalas and a bloated Giorgio Chinaglia, who is supposed to be the best they can do to bridge the Italian history of soccer with the Americanized version since he played in the old NASL with the New York Cosmos.

You guys know all about the Musburger drinking game, right? Read up on it, then pull up a keg and spend part of Saturday with us...

Musburger, once he wipes the desk off from all the drool he just producted, asks Uh, Oh Giorgio the scripted question to show off his sliver of Shakespearan knowledge with a reference to Julius Caesar:
"I have to ask you off the top, do you come to praise the United States side here today before the Italian match or to bury them?"

(that deserves a drink...)

Chinaglia: "No, they're buried. It's finished. It's over."
A nervous chuckle from Brent.
"There's no way," Chinaglia continues. "I saw the changes Alexi showed me they're going to make, and .... (inaudible because he speaks with such a heavy dialect and much too fast to ever think he could be a broadcaster).
Wynalda, acting very defensive: "We expected that out of him. If we say 'we' and we're talking about the U.S. team, he's going to say 'we' and he's talking about the Italian team."

Jeez, is Wynalda getting a little touchy about the "we" angle I used in Friday's media column -- which I actually endorsed under the circumstances?

Next, is a shot of Julie Foudy at her soccer camp in Chicago prompting a bunch of 12 year olds to start a chant of "U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!" after claiming that "as journalists, we have to be impartial."

11:25 a.m. Fastfoward through the Czech-Ghana game and -- are you kidding me, Ghana wins, 2-0...
So does that mean Ghana is five goals better than the U.S., who they play on Thursday? Where the hell is Ghana anyway?

Dave O'Brien, who has this crazy shadow over his face (haven't they heard of umbrellas?), makes the proclamation: "You can feel that collective weight rising up off their shoulders, because even if the United States loses to Italy, they will not be elminated from further Cup contention."
Marcelo Balboa: "I don't think they're thinking about it like that. They're thinking, 'We've got to find a way to get a point.'"

11:30 a.m.: Back to the live ABC pregame, and again, the screaming loud U2 introduction of Bono from a live concert screaming, "Uno, dos, tres, quatorce..." from "Vertigo." Does Univision go this all out with an Irish band to fire up their teams?
Musburger gives the two U.S. lineup changes as if we had just pulled out of Iran.
"It's showdown time!" Brent rumbles. It doesn't get much more over-the-top than the Musburger, followed by a mess of TV commercials.

(drink up ... you GOTTA do it)

11:38 a.m.: Shelley Smith interviews Bruce Arena. Ewwwwww. At least the camera focuses entirely on Arena, probably because it's impossible to get both of them in a two-shot.

11:40: Wynalda predicts a 2-1 U.S. win. Where's Chinagalia to dispute it? For some reason, he's not there. Maybe at the ABC employee buffet line?

11:47 a.m.: Musburger, back from a batch of commercials: "It's put-up or shut-up time for the U.S. team!" Man, can this guy hype it with just the perfect cliche! Right into another batch of commercials, no less!

(I SAID TAKE ANOTHER DRINK.... YOU HAVE TO)...

11:51 a.m.: Another fanfare, graphic explosion, O'Brien intro from K-town! Where's the volume control?

11:54 a.m.: Landon Donovan and his team marches into the stadium. Tough to see much of a size difference between him and the little kid who's acting as the escort holding his hand.

12:04 p.m.: O'Brien's mike temporarily goes out four minutes in. Then they fix it. Damn.

12:12 p.m.: Eleventh minute of play, O'Brien notes some U.S. guy "is playing with a little bit of cockiness that was missing the other day against the Czech Republic."
Sounds like O'Brien is getting a little too cocky.

12:15 p.m.: Convey kicks a really close chance wide.

12:16 p.m.: Convey kicks another really chose chance high. Convey is looking a little too cocky. Maybe he needs a drink with Brent:

Go ahead, fire one down. You know Brent is playing beer pong back in the studio. Never heard of it? Read up, my friend ...

12:21 p.m. Can hear fans in the background yelling "Boring ... Boring ... Boring." Or maybe they're just asking for more Budweiser, which is the only swill they can buy at the stadium.

12:22 p.m. Italy scores. One-nil. Twenty-first minute. Our baldy goalie is left laying in the grass after the guy takes a pretty long boot.
Scroll at the bottom of the screen notes that the Yankees lead the Washington Nationals 9-2 in the bottom of the fifth inning, and Steve Stricker is the third-round leader at the U.S. Open.
At least we know what's important.

12:28 p.m.: O'Brien reminds us: "The U.S. has never won a World Cup game on European soil."

12:27 p.m.: The U.S. scores! Or an Italian guy Zaccardo kicks it into his own net! That counts? Twenty-seventh minute. It's 1-1.
Remember that name, Cristian Zaccardo. Someone will find him floating head-down off the coast of Sicily in about two weeks.

12:28 p.m.: Brian McBride takes an elbow to the face. Red card. O'Brien: "It's on Nesta (No. 13), one of the key defenders! ... Actually, it's going to be on De Rossi (wearing No. 4) ... my apologizies. De Rossi hit with the red card and he is out!"
No worries. Your bad.
Again.
Good thing this isn't a police lineup trying to identify a perp. It's worse.

12:41 p.m. Italy makes a sub. Yes, it's an Italian sub. Which reminds us, we're pretty hungry.

They're taking out Francesco Totti for some ridiculous reason. They're already down one man. Oh, wait, they're letting another guy go in.
Totti is actually an Italian we kind of like. Just read a story about how the Italians love to make fun of him for his lack of intelligence. He was so smart, he turned all the jokes into a book and sells 'em for charity.
That'll show 'em who's stupid.

Feel bad enough for him that he's going out -- and he went to the correct sideline -- let's find his book and buy a copy, shall we?

12:44 p.m.: Now the U.S. has a guy sent off. Mastroeni? Sure he's not on the Italian side? He's from Argentina, actually. Plays for the Colorado Rapids of the MLS. It's some kind of lame make-up call. We'll take it. Sorry, Pablo. It just makes it all even again.

12:47 p.m.: Halftime, 1-1. And the U.S. hasn't scored yet. Makes no sense to us either.

12:51 p.m.: Musburger, back for the Taco Bell highlights.
Proclaims: "The United States for all intents and purposes, 10 on 10, they must win this game."
Sure, OK, have a swig.

1:03 p.m.: Second half starts. No one is bleeding. Yet.

1:04 p.m.: Eddie Pope gets a yellow card. Then a red card. Say what? Is MasterCard sponsoring this thing? It's not priceless.
Balboa: "This is a bad referee. I know the referees are getting evaluated and I would hope this is his last game."
Now the U.S. is down to nine. Just enough to field a baseball team.

1:08 p.m.: Conrad in, Convey out for the U.S. Where's Beasley?

1:12 p.m.: Italy makes some kind of switch in personnel that we have no clue about. Maybe O'Brien can explain it. Probably not. Shouldn't there be at least some kind of graphic up there to tell everyone how many are each side?

1:13 p.m.: A tiny graphic pops down to fill everyone in who may have dozed off about the player situation. Now we need a little arrow pointing out where Donovan is on the field. We've misplaced him.

1:15 p.m.: Back to that soccer ball game, where you kick the ball up in the air as long as you can. I just scored 10. That's a career best, thank you.

1:19 p.m.: Another Italy sub. Toni out. Iaquinta in. Easy on the mustard, OK?

1:20 p.m.: Finally, Beasley in, Dempsey out for the U.S. We don't sub as well. We're more of a tossed salad kind of roster.

1:20 p.m.: Donovan and McBride on a breakaway. McBride left-foots it wide. Like it matters.

1:23 p.m.: Beasley seems to have scored. O'Brien yells. ABC changes the graphic to say 2-1 U.S. Beasley looks happy. "Offsides! You cannot count it," O'Brien screams. "Take the goal away." And the graphic guy does, after a few seconds.

On the replay, it's pretty obvious McBride is in the way of the goalkeeper, enough so that Balboa says it's a good call. O'Brien drags out his rulebook and recites the obstruction rule like Harry Anderson in "Night Court," but far less funny.

Then another Italian player, this time a guy named Fabio, falls to the ground and has to be carted off. Such a drama king.

1:27 p.m.: Cherundolo is pushed down by Zambrotta and gets a yellow card. Guess which one is from the U.S. and which is Italian. Donovan takes a kick, Bocanegra heads it long. Only 20 minutes left.

1:32 p.m.: O'Brien notes that with the U.S. having only 9 and Italy just 10 means "there's a lot of space out there." Yeh, the TV cameras really illustrate that well.

1:50 p.m.: Are we done yet? The clock shows 90:00 but there's all that extra time to add for when the refs wanted camera time.
At last, the final whistle. Our bald goalie claps his hands over his head. Standings on the screen still shows U.S. in last place in the group. So not all is lost.

1:56 p.m. Musburger, back in the studio, says Kasey Keller (above) is the man of the match, "making several fine saves ... so he's the man of the match."

DRINK.

Musburger then brings up the name of the referee in question: Some guy from Uruguay, Jorge Larrionda, who in 2002 was one of five refs suspended for irregularities.

Sorry, but he doesn't look all that irregular to us.
Finally, Lalas butts in and says, "He had a bad day."
Wynalda: "There are two kinds of referees we see. A bad one and a worse one. He was a worse one."
Chinagalia: "(Inaudiable mumbling)."
Musburger: "One of the things we can not do is criticize the effort of the United States team. They hustled. ... Keep this in mind Thursday. You're going to want to be close to a cable television set. The U.S.-Ghana match. We are all fans of Chinagalia (and Italy beating the Czechs)."

SURE, one more for the road.
Naptime.
Over. Out.

Posted by Tom Hoffarth at 10:46 AM | Permalink

Alexi Lalas (right) and Eric Wynalda (left) -- not Dave O'Brien nor Marcelo Balboa -- are the most important talking heads to listen to these days when the subject matter is the U.S. national soccer team.

Lalas' red hair was afire, Wynalda was almost pale white and both were pretty blue after they watched the Americans drop a 3-0 decision to the Czech Republic in the World Cup opener last Monday.
Given a few days to recapture their emotions, they offered up some more observations in the hours before the next U.S. game against powerful Italy (Saturday, 11:55 a.m., ABC):

Lalas' bio:
First World Cup TV assignment ... former co-host of ESPN2's MLS Extratime ... color commentator for NBC's Olympic soccer coverage in 2000 ... first former MLS player to serve as president and GM of a league team, joining the Galaxy in April ... 1994 World Cup starting defender for U.S. team ... played for U.S. in '92 and '96 Olympics ... recently voted into National Soccer Hall of Fame ...

From his L.A. office, before jetting back to the East Coast for the weekend soccer coverage and the Galaxy's game in New Jersey, Lalas talked about:

Why he's still doing the TV work when he has all this in-season Galaxy work to do:
"When I agreed to do it, I was back working in New York (with the MLS Red Bull team) and it was just a hop, skip and jump (to Bristol, Conn.). Obviously things changed, and it turned into a 3,000-mile commitment. I can come in on the weekends and stay here (in L.A.) for my real job during the week. I wanted to honor my commitment, and I think it's good exposure for the team, too."

How his emotions have settled since Monday's loss:
"For me, it wasn't that the team lost. There's no shame in losing to the world's No. 2 team. But in the past, all the U.S. teams at least fought and had pride and in the end, maybe the better team won. But there wasn't a sense of urgency or recognition that this was a World Cup game. We're not going to let this team off the hook just because they're the U.S. team. We'll criticize and critique them."

On if his comments get back to the players and possibly motivate them:
"If they do hear it, I don't think they care. We constantly scream and yell about the lack of attention or focus, and this is part of it. If anyone complains about what I'm saying, I'll introduce them to members of the New York Yankees. It could be a whole lot worse."

On whether he's comfortable criticizing Landon Donovan, his star player for the Galaxy:
"If he plays well, I'll comment, and I do, just as if he was with us. You have to be honest in what you're looking at. We're trying to get him to be more consistent with the Galaxy. He's notorious for stepping it up when it's a big game, and it can't get much bigger than this weekend."

On why, during the taping of a show on American soccer's 10 greatest moments, he said: "If the next 10 years is anything like the past 10, the sky's the limit. We'll win a World Cup":
"It's going to happen. I'm telling you."

Wynalda's bio:
A field analyst for ESPN2's MLS telecasts in 2003, and a game analyst for matches, including the MLS Cup ... first U.S.-born player to play professionally in the German Bundesliga ... played in the first MLS season, scoring the league's first goal ... played 108 matches for the national team, including three World Cups (1990, '94, '98) ... holds the record for most goals by a U.S. national team member (34) ... inducted into the National Soccer Hall of Fame in 2004.

From the Bristol, Conn., newsroom at ESPN, where the Moorpark resident will be holed up for weeks on end during the World Cup, Wynalda gave his measured, yet meaningful takes on:

If his emotions have cooled since Monday:
"My emotions were similar to a lot of people who follow soccer. I've taken the last few days and watched the game over several times. I've also watched the U.S.-Portugal game again from 2002 to see the strategy used there. I've watched the replay (of Monday's game) so often I can honestly say the U.S. is a better team with Claudio Reyna in the midfield."

As a technical advisor to the movie, "The Game of their Lives," about the U.S. upset over England in 1950, whether Saturday's game will be the game of these players' lives:
"Maybe. This game is a true test, more than the first one, as a soccer nation. Our talent will be tested and our character and all the issues of pride and patroitism. We need to see that from our guys and they need to win us back."

The 12-hour plus days of working, watching games, and then instantly analyzing them for ESPN:
"It's bad, but it's not that bad. I'm busy, but no one's forcing me to watch these. I'd be home doing the same thing. I'm just getting paid to watch what I'd be watching anyway."

XXOOXX XXOOXX XXOOXX XXOOXX XXOOXX XXOOXX

By the way, the two don't alway agree on stuff.
Did you know:
"Alexi Lalas has been lying about alot of things ... I just don't believe him, I'm sorry, but it's only because he has a track record of lying," Wynalda said a couple of months ago in the Newark Star-Ledger of his former 1994 World Cup teammate.
Wynalda was calling Lalas out for denying that he was leaving the MLS' Red Bull New York team before eventually taking the job as president and GM of the Galaxy.
"Maybe that's the corporate side of things," Wynalda continued. "It's one thing to have no comment on something, it's another thing to blatantly lie, and that's something Alexi Lalas needs to learn. Professionally, I'm sure he'll do the job, but all this other stuff, his credibility is a little shot."

Later, Lalas shot back in the same newspaper: "People are going to say what they're going to say. I would be doing a disservice to my company and team to dwell on the past. I'd be the first to admit I made mistakes on the job, but I have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of for anything the past three years or the past month. I love Eric. At best, he can be misguided. At worst, delusional. I'm sure I'll see him down the road and we'll talk and open up that little mind of his. Some of us have grown up and some of us haven't."

Yes, the two have talked it out since...

Posted by Tom Hoffarth at 1:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Get out to the Special Olympics Southern California Summer Games and support the athletes this weekend at the annual site, the Long Beach State campus. There will be 1,500 Special Olympic athletes performing and 3,000 volunteers for the event that starts Friday with the Opening Ceremonies from 7-9 p.m. and ends with Sunday's Closing Ceremonies at 2 p.m.
More info: www.sosc.org.

Here's the schedule this weekend:

Friday: 7-9 p.m.: Opening Ceremonies in the Pyramid with special guest Maria Shriver.

Saturday: 8 a.m. to 4 p.m.: Competitions in Aquatics, Athletics (Track & Field), Basketball, Bocce, Golf, Gymnastics and Tennis; Healthy Athlete Village; Sports Expo Park.

Saturday: 9-10:30 a.m.: Breakfast With Champions ceremony, featuring UCLA basketball coach Ben Howland and broadcaster Ross Porter.

Sunday: 8 a.m. to 1:30 p.m.: Competitions in Aquatics, Athletics (Track & Field), Basketball, Bocce, Golf, Gymnastics and Tennis; Healthy Athlete Village; Sports Expo Park.
Sunday: 2 p.m.: Closing Ceremonies at Sports Expo Park.

Among the entertainment and sports celebrities who will be out there:
Jack Faulkner, NFL Alumni
Jackie Kallen, First Lady of Boxing,
Ben Howland, UCLA Men’s Basketball Coach
Jackie Joyner-Kersee, Olympic Medalist
Jerry Mathers, Leave it to Beaver
Jim Pickens, Actor, Grey’s Anatomy
Virginia Powell, USC 8-time All-American
Kurtwood Smith, Actor, That ‘70’s Show

Posted by Tom Hoffarth at 9:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Not too late to scrounge up a present for Dad by Father's Day (yes, it's this Sunday, you goof). Not with the Internet at your disposal. Not with a credit card and FedEx.
Pick, click, and have it delivered ASAP. Some fast-fix suggestions:

The low-end option: Doesn't involve money or much forethought. Drag him out to Dodger Stadium for the third annual Father's Day Catch. Runs from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. Free entrance, free parking. Space is limited. Go to www.dodgers.com for more info.

The high-end option: Game-worn jerseys by Hall of Famers. Like Walter Johnson, Larry Bird, Mickey Mantle, Wilt Chamberlain. It's a Soteby's Collectables Auction on June 24. Or just buy the catalogue for this thing ($36) at www.sothebys.com .

The options in between:

Chocolate balls: Stop giggling. At Gayety's chocolate shop, they've got 'em in the shape of soccer balls, basketballs, golf balls, footballs. Check it out yourself at www.gayetys.com.

Surf's up: This cat named Maynard in La Mesa has an awesome surf poster collection on his Surf Classics website, but even better, he has a few of these things for sale.

We're also partial to anything at the Dewey Weber store, now based in San Clemente, although a quick ship may be dicey. It's worth the effort.

L.A. RETRO GEAR: Dad had to have been a Kings fan back in the yellow-and-purple days. Team LA Store has 'em for $100. Have "GORING" put on the back with No. 19 to really rattle his memory bank.

MOVIE STUFF: "Nacho Libre" comes out Friday. Want a mask that Jack Black wore in the movie? Swear. At Premiere Props' Website, they guarantee it's movie-worn stuff. The Nacho Libre mask above goes for $2,500. But if you gots to have it ...
They've also got things from "The Bad News Bears" and "Longest Yard" remakes. And, for $119.99, you can snag the leather shoes Terry Bradshaw wore in "Failure To Launch." Not sure the size...

ESPN-IT: One-stop clicking for things in different price categories, from $16.99 NBA flip-flops to $499.99 Raiders neon bar signs that never seem to go out of style. White jumpsuit not included.

Posted by Tom Hoffarth at 11:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Susan Stratton, familiar to those who've watched Lakers games over the years as the producer/director back in the truck who Chick Hearn used to converse with over his live mike, has been relieved of her duties after 29 years doing the games for KCAL-Channel 9.
More on this in Thursday's paper, and Friday's media column

Posted by Tom Hoffarth at 7:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Before it's too late and they box this thing up for good, check out the latest eBay.com item: A replica of the helmet that Ben Roethlisberger wore while he was in his motorcycle crash Monday.

It's item No. 8828346114. Don't be fooled by knockoffs.

This guy named Bob from Phoenix who listed it claims to have had the idea first, but then eBay, as it tends to do, closed the auction down. After a few others put up their similar listings, this guy put his back up.

ESPN "SportsCenter" made a mention of it, and there were more than 9,000 hits on the item as of Wednesday morning.
From an opening bid of $3.50, it was past $5,500 at mid-morning (the 30th bid), and it's supposed to be up there until a little past 5 p.m. on Friday.

The questions asked by prospective bidders provide the best comic relief.
So far, some have asked:
Q: If I get this helmet, will it protect me from a Chuck Norris round-house kick?
Q: Will this allow me score TDs I didn't score at the goal line, and give my team favor with the referees?
Q: Do you think this helmet could be adapted to hang gliding or even rollerblading, or would it be too cumbersome?
Q: Is this helmet street legal in California?

And our favorite:

Q: Isn't it sad that everyone stole your idea and photograph? It's not funny or mature.
A: Yes, that is pretty sad.

Don't forget: It also costs $5 to ship this this via UPS.

BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

By the way, there are plenty of other Roethisberger stuff on eBay related to this. Of the 1,733 items, here's one from a real fan:

Item No. 8828595122 has "authentic wreck crash souvenier." Starting bid: 1 penny.

Here's part of the listing (with all the typos we could leave):
I AM A TRUE STEELER FAN AND HEARD OF THIS WRECK QUICKLY ON THE AM DIAL FROM THE STEELERS FLAG SHIP RADIO STATION, I DROVE TO THE SITE OF THE INCIDENT WHERE BIG BEN HIT FACE FIRST INTO A VAN AND HIS FACE HIT WINDOW. QUICKLY THINKINGI MADE THE MOST OF THIS INCIDENT AND WENT TO THE LOCAL SANDWHICH SHOP AND BOUGHT A ZIP LOCK BAGGIE AS SHOWN FOR 25 CENTS. I ALSO BOUGHT QUE TIPS TO TAKE SAMPLES (AS SHOWN) FROM THE PAVEMENT AT THE SCENE OF THE CRIME. I SPOKE TOTOW TRUCK DRIVER JOSE LUGO AND DAVID DOMINGUEZ AND THEY LET ME USE THEIR BRUSH AND PAN TO SCOOP UP THESE PIECES. I HAVE ALSO THE SCREW, BLACK TAPE, AND NUT BELONGING TO THE MOTORCYCLE. THEY WILL SOLD WITH THE BAGGIE AND THE QUE TIPS AS SHOWN. THE QUE TIPS HAVE NOT BEEN TOUCHED AND SAMPLES ARE NOW DRY. I ALSO WENT ON MY HANDS AND KNEES IN THE INTERSECTION LOOKING FOR TEETH AND HAIR SAMPLES, BUT NOT FOUND. NOT INCLUDED EITHER. I GOT MORE SAMPLES AND STUFF FROM THE SCENE OF THE CRIME AND I WILL LIST MORE SOON. EVEN THE HALL OF FAME (NFL) CALLED ME TODAY AND IS INTEREST IN WHAT I GOT.
BUYER TO PAY $10 FOR SHIPPING OF ALL COLLECTIBLES. THIS IS A TRUE COLLECTORS ITEMS FOR ANY STEELERS FAN FOR CENTURIES TO COME.

Can't you just imagine this guy typing out the listing while breathing into a bag so he doesn't hyperventilate?
Here's his "CSI: Pittsburgh" photo to prove what he's got:

Another quick thinker has scrambled to get Item No. 7249395622 listed today: The domain address to TOOTHLESBERGER.COM, starting at $499.99, or buy it now for $15,000.
Good luck with that one.