Farther Off the Wall

For some reason, the latest edition of Sports Illustrated forgot to include that promo for DirecTV that it promises sex from an SI swimsuit babe if you sign up for its "NFL Sunday Ticket" package.

OK, maybe not sex. We usually don't read the ad copy that goes with it. But we finally did last time we saw the ad in the July 24 issue (with Reggie Bush lookin' mean on the cover). It's the fantasy football issue, so maybe we just got to fantasizing too much when we flipped over to page 33:

There's the headline: SHE WANTS YOU ... If You're the NFL's Greatest Fan!

If you're one of three winners, SI Swimsuit model Brooklyn Decker (pictured above, in that same pose, except they flopped it for the magazine because they have no ethical scruples) will come to your house, along with the "NFL Sunday Ticket" package. (Brooklyn Decker sure beats a visit from a sales rep from Black & Decker, although in this case, we're not sure which is the grand prize, her or the Sunday Ticket package).

Stop drooling and read on: If you enter today at si.com/greatestfan, the ad copy says you could win "a visit from Brookyn Decker* to your home." Contest ends Aug. 7 and ... wait, was that an asterisk we just glossed over.

*Subject to availability.

Talk about finding a loophole where a peephole should be. That could leave a mark. As could the rest of these photos on her website:

From what we're able to glean about Ms. Decker, an 18-year-old from Middletown, Ohio but raised in Charlotte, N.C., as a Tar Heels fan, from her spot on the SI.com site, we're going to surmise that she:

Knows how to use a Thighmaster (if only it didn't keep squirting out from between her legs while she was watching TV in her bikini) ...

Can fold laundry ...

Is hardly aquaphobic when it comes to using nature's bidet (look up the word, guys) ...

And can contemplate any way to get out of a promotion in case the winner is really creepy.

Other than that, you're on your own, big boy. Enter the contest, accept the dish, and if she's a no-show, at least you'll have some pictures to look at during the commercials.

Meanwhile, our friends at Deadspin.com have uncovered another strange ad in this week's Sports Illustrated that could prevent Canadians from winning Callaway golf clubs.... They should be worried about Canadian Club anyway, right?