This is what's in Vogue?

The nine-page spread on Tiger looks enticing. In the editor's note, Jay Fielden writes that for the second issue of Men's Vogue -- holy crap, how did I miss the first one! -- featuring Tiger, "who hasn't granted the kind of access he gave us in years," was a way to accomplish "the impossible" for the periodical which supposedly will have three issues this year, then expand to 10 in 2007. The magazine's website expands on that threat.

The Tiger story first shows him in a $2,300 Prada gray wool suit riding a waverunner and trying to look all James Bond on us, taken by Annie Leibovitz, no less. The title, "Inside the lair," gives us hope of finding some nuggets of information we haven't read before.

If you're looking for some new insight into him and his dad, forget it. The story was written so long ago, the passing of his father isn't on the radar, nor is Big Earl even mentioned as we kept skimming, hoping to glean something of more substance than just Tiger wearing -- oh, another expensive suit, this time, dressing down with a $1,250 Dolce & Gabbana wool piece, with a Brioni sweater ($425) and a Gucci ascot.

If you're at all familiar with any of this fuu-fuu stuff, you'll know that this magazine isn't about the stories, it's the advertising. From (in order, from cover to back) Ralph Lauren, Giorgio Armani, BMW, Gucci, Bally, Faconnable, London Jewelers, Neiman Marcus, Dior, Tag Heuer, Aston Martin, Hinckley, Marc Jacobs, Corneliani, Remy Martin, Brioni, Chanel, John Lobb, Polo, Prada, Louis Vuitton, Porsche, Canali, Ermenegildo Zegna, Calvin Klein, Tod's, Hugo Boss, David Yurman, Burberry, Salvatore Ferragamo, Bloomingdales, Versace (with Halle Berry in the ad), Jill Sander, Cole Haan, Donna Karan, Breitling, Bentley, Coach, Nikos Jewels (available at The Lakes in Thousand Oaks), Loreal, Brooks Brothers, Lacoste, Barneys, Valentino, Ghurka, Prada (again), Saab, Saks Fifth Avenue, Bagutta, Amstel Light (what are you doing here?), Valextra, Cohiba ...

Then we hit the Tiger Woods story. And another by an ultra marathoner named Mike Trevino ("Ultra endurance is hard on any relationship -- try geting up at 3 a.m. and telling your girlfriend you're going for a run" .... yup, I have that problem almost every day)....

And those cardboard subscription inserts telling me I could have this magnificant glossy -- 10 issues for $15, rather than the $4.95 that I just paid for the cover price.

Let me think about it while I start tearing all these ads out to see just how many pages are devoted to copy ...

Naw ... We'll spare you the Details.

THIS JUST IN: The Onion has discovered how Tiger Woods was able to pull off his British Open victory.