How low can ESPN go
Let's review ESPN's selection of programming for the calendar year 2006:
The Spelling Bee: Somehow, we've just kind of accepted at this point, although our desire would be to put it on the Learning Channel, not for two days over ESPN and then ship the finals to prime time on ABC. This isn't an episode of "Kids Got Talent," OK?
Poker: Out of control. Everyone has to have a card show now because of the ratings. That porcupine has left the forest.
The Hot Dog Eating Contest: A Fourth of July staple now. Ship it to the Food Channel and have Rachel Ray host it. Again, it's not a sport. It's a think people do, then puke.
Dominos: It's a thing you call when you want pizza, not something you should be made to watch.
The World Series of Darts: Get drunk, throw sharp objects at a wall.
But there are two more things ESPN has coming up on its schedule you need to be aware of:
Saturday, 1 p.m.: The 2006 Bratwurst Eating Contest, immediately after the Pro Football Hall of Fame induction ceremony. Maybe this is where The Giant Chorizo, recently ejected from the Sausage Races at Miller Park in Milwaukee, can find new work.
Aug. 21: A one-hour special on the 2006 World Sport Stacking Championship . If this had something to do with Pamela Anderson Rock (is that her name now? didn't she star in some show called "Stacked" on the WB) we might understand. Instead, it's a bunch of ADD kids with plastic cups ... here, look at the website and see if you can figure how they're being exploited.
Kind of makes the Little League World Series and the Soap Box Derby look like legit TV events, eh?