It's like a scene from the old rags-to-riches-to-rags movie "The Jerk," where Steve Martin invents a new device that'll keep your eye glasses from slipping off your nose called the "Opti-grab," and everyone's cool with it -- until one day, there's this rash of people who's eyes become permanently crossed because of it, and he is wiped out by a class-action lawsuit.

Today's NBA is using a new Spaulding ball that has no "opti-grab.' Where once it seemed the league's marketing department was cool after introducing it, and this was going to bring the league a bunch more money in product development, now there's a rash of complaints by players who can't crossover dribble without it slipping out of their hands. Or they're saying that it's too sticky. Or that it just looks too funky.

Expect a class-action lawsuit soon.
It's as if David Stern's autograph was replaced by Daniel Stern, and the ball that once had a purpose now is a prop for a bad comedy flick like "Celtic Pride."

From today's Sports Business Daily comes a littany of complaints about the new ball, culled from a variety of different newspapers from across the country. Apparently, Shaquille O'Neal was the first to go public and gripe about it, but no one really listened. Then others started chiming in:

=Wizards guard Gilbert Arenas: “Once it starts soaking up sweat, it gets slippery. Guys are going to be turning the ball over like crazy this year because you can’t hold on to the ball."
=Suns guard Raja Bell: “It sucks. This ball isn’t even a cousin of the one we played with.� =Mavericks guard Jason Terry: “(The new balls) stink. I’ve worked out with it all summer long, and I’ve grown accustomed to losing the ball out of bounds a couple times.�
=Mavericks coach Avery Johnson: “It’s like a volleyball. It feels smaller than the other ball. But I personally don’t complain about that stuff. ... You got to adjust to change.�
=Suns forward Shawn Marion: “Everybody hates that ball. It seems like it’s more for an outdoor ball than indoor. It doesn’t even feel like a NBA ball.�
=Suns guard Steve Nash: “It’s almost like you have to relearn how to make your plays because this ball sticks to your hand.�
=76ers forward Chris Webber: “We’re going to have to do it like baseball, change, like, every five plays. Once it gets wet, it’s terrible.�
=Mavericks guard Devin Harris: “People going up for layups are having the ball slip out.�
=Bulls guard Chris Duhon: “It’s hard to catch, hard to shoot and hard to get some type of grip on it. I don’t think they tested it to when it was late in the game, everybody’s sweaty and (it) puts a huge damp on the ball.�

Here's what the old ball looked like. Sorry, we don't have scratch-and-sniff device here, or else you could get a better idea what the texture is on it. It's a grainy, pebble leather finish that absorbs moisture better. But the league wanted something that the kids could play with outdoors and still be the same as the indoor ball, so this genetically enhanced ball was created.

Unless this new ball improves the overall shooting percentage of every player on the court, expect more complaints in the coming weeks than were registered by last year's league-impossed dress code.