Fantasy pigskin, to a new low
Going with the somewhat inept slogan "They drop the ball: You pick up the cash," the second season of the Onion's exclusive bottom's up fantasy league (aka: "Shattered Expectations") kicks off Sunday where the more you win is based on the more your players screw up.
It shouldn't be any other way.
Signing up for this fantasy league at the Onion's site could make you $500 a week, or $5,000 (in real American currency, they say) if you're the end-of-season champ.
The Onion sent out an alert to current subscribers to let them know all this was taking place, just in case you were asleep at the wheel.
The letter, addressed to "Dear Readers and Disgruntled Football Fans," says it wants only to capture the real feeling of a fantasy team owner: Disappointment, disillusionment and disbelief.
Last year's winner, Glen Nakamura of Lakeland, Fla., showed "unwavering pessimism," according to the site, and can now purchase "untold amounts of beef jerky."
The site even offers draft suggestions. Such as: Anyone on the Minnesota Vikings, for starters. Jason Elam, the Denver Broncos' kicker, could be a steal since his job is to "mop up man for a transition team."
Think of it this way: Enter your roster in both the league you're trying to win, and in this one. That way, no matter how the players perform, they're doing some good for you.
Boy, if only Brian Bosworth was still in the league ...