Yet, even more stuff we don't want for Christmas
The list we started in today's Daily News column -- stuff we really don't want to buy, nor want to have sent to us -- gets longer by the mouseclick:
Item: "Tarnished Heisman," by Don Yaeger and Jim Henry (Simon and Schuster)
Price: $25
Where: Bookstore websites, including Barnes and Noble
The rundown: The book is supposed to detail the improper benefits (some $300,000) that Reggie Bush received when he was at USC, dealing with a sports marketing company that could cause him (in some people's opinion) to lose the 2005 Heisman Trophy that he was given.
What we'd tell the customer service rep upon returning it: "If we wanted an overpriced doorstop, we'd have asked for 'Game of Shadows' instead."
Item: Mark Mangioo autographed photo.
Price: $19.99 (opening bid)
Where: eBay.com (item no. 150191366330) through Monday.
The rundown: An 8x10 photo of the Kansas football coach offered by someone in Chicago.
What we'd tell the customer service rep upon returning it: "We were looking for a wallet-sized photo ... Oh, this is wallet sized?"
Item: Michael Vick autographed 2004 Topps card
Price: $120
Where: www.michaelvickcards.com
The rundown: Near mint, No. 34 of 50 cards signed personally by the Atlanta Falcons quarterback.
What we'd tell the customer service rep upon returning it: "Hmmm. You've got nothing in a 2007 card?"
Item: A UCLA shower bucket set.
Price: $27.99.
Where: www.DicksSportingGoods.com
The rundown: "Are you a first year college student adjusting to dorm life? Do you want to support your favorite team while on vacation or away for the summer? No matter the need, this team-colored shower bucket set is the solution! The officially licensed items in this shower bucket set are designed with the team graphics and include: printed flip flops, waterproof zippered case, mesh loofa sponge, molded plastic soap dish and a toothbrush holder. "
What we'd tell the customer service rep upon returning it: "Maybe Dan Guerrero needs this more than we do to clean himself off of the mess he's made with the football program."
Item: Marcus Allen autographed USC throwback football jersey.
Price: $338.46
Where: www.onlinesports.com
The rundown: Allen signs it with a “Heisman 81” inscription, which probably washes out if you take it to the cleaners.
What we’d tell the customer service rep upon returning it: “It has the name ‘Allen’ across the back. Everyone knows USC football uniforms have never had players names on them. How far back are throwing this?”
Item: Jim Craig’s 1980 U.S. Olympic Gold Medal ring.
Price: $5,500 (opening bid)
Where: eBay.com (item number 320192005074) through Friday.
The rundown: A collectables seller in Boca Raton, Fla., says it’s only the second one they’ve handled in 20-plus years. It’s a size 10.5, weighs about 30.5 grams with 10K gold inlays, in mint condition. The pitch goes on to explain that it’s “very rare salesman sample with all the proper markings inside the ring.”
So it’s not really Craig’s ring, if in fact he ever received one.
What we’d tell the customer service rep upon returning it: “So tell us: Do you believe in miracles? Didn’t think so.”
Item: Anaheim Ducks pet jersey
Price: $29.99.
Where: NHL.com store (item 2794592)
The rundown: "A pet can be a sports fan's best friend. You can watch Anaheim's next big game while wearing your favorite jersey, sitting next to the team's new biggest fan! Your pet will be wearing the Hunter Ducks pet jersey with a screen-printed team logo displayed on the back and the NHL shield embroidered on the sleeve. The officially licensed jersey is constructed of breathable micro-mesh polyester with a stylish v-neck cut for a comfortable fit."
What we'd tell the customer service rep upon returning it: "See, the thing is, we don't have a pet duck. Don't you sell a dog dish in the shape of the Stanley Cup?"
Item: Golf Ball Life Vest
Price: $6.99
Where: www.Stupid.com
The rundown: For those tired of seeing their Callaways sink to the briny deep of the local golf-course lake. This tiny orange flotation device will allow the ball to stay buoyant if it does go in. How you then rescue it from the water is up to you.
“We’re not sure how the rules of golf apply to this device,” says the description on the site, “but it’s OK with us if you swing at the ball while it’s floating near the shoreline.”
What we’d tell the customer service rep upon returning it: “It cost more for this lifejacket, which eventually filled with water and sunk, than it would have to buy three new balls.”
Item: A Hong Chih Kuo bobble head doll
Price: $14.99
Where: eBay.com (item number 170175719990)
The rundown: The Dodgers pitcher, who actually did play some last season but may never been seen or heard of again, is memoralized in a hand painted, very limited edition piece of bobbleheaded sculpture.
What we’d tell the customer service rep upon returning it: “It's a cool thing, but actually, this bobblehead shows him, I believe -- correct me if I'm wrong -- throwing right handed. Maybe I didn't get a good look at him this past season -- I do remember him hitting a home run into the right-field pavilion and flipping his bat in the air -- but he was also batting left-handed. And didn't he start in one of the playoff games against the Mets in '06 because ... he was left-hander?
"Think we could see the other bobblehead of him (item 17017561899) where he’s holding the ball in his actual pitching hand from the same seller?”