A Southern California guide to Yankee Stadium

==First thing you gotta know going into the stadium is that Derek Jeter has to give the OK. He owns a 24-Hour Fitness near Union Square. Then there are these posters all around the city imply as much (with the sillouette of Michael Jordan giving it the stamp of approval):

==Compare that to the fact that the Yankees' current hottie, Joba Chamberlain, can only get his face on a poster promoting a Boston-based donut chain:

==Passing by some other New York sports landmarks -- like this one, where the local WNBA team plays -- also gives a different appreciation for the fact that Yankee Stadium is a place of some recent World Championship celebrations (right, Joe Torre?):

==Another sports-related theme park, the ESPN Zone in Times Square, at least offers a dinner under $50. But good luck getting the waiter to have someone with the remote control change one of the 1,000 TV sets tuned into a West Coast baseball game.

==Inside the Zone, there's a piece of art hanging on the second floor, which Josh Pahigian lists in his book "101 Baseball Places To See Before You Strike Out" as No. 54: The Babe Ruth Photomosaic. It's a 10 foot by 12 foot image composed of 1,392 different New York Yankee baseball cards that, upclose, is a very different image than if viewed from a distance. MIT grad Robert Silvers created this:

==The trip to Yankee Stadium begins for most on the subway. We had the No. 4 train. Imagine our surprise to see Mickey Mantle along for the ride:

==Exit at 161st Street, or else you'll die:

==Upon exiting, make sure you note that you're at the 161st Street stop. It's where you'll want to get back on the train when you leave. Or else you'll die:

==One of the first things you'll see on the subway platform is the new Yankee Stadium facade. It looks like the pictures from the good ol' days. It's a warm, fuzzy feeling, until you get pushed from behind to get off the platform and go down the stairs, or get crushed from the people behind you. Do it. Or you'll die.

==If you're there early, head over to Stan's bar. Or Stan's souvenir stand. Or whatever else Stan owns on that street:

==You can pick up an authentic Reggie Jackson or Mickey Mantle uniform. Remember when they had their names on the back? Neither do we:

==Swing around to the main entrance, and you'll get a look of contrasts: The new versus the current:

==There's also a list of rules and regulations that you must know about the stadium before you enter. Good idea to show up at about 10 a.m. to finish before the 7 p.m. first pitch:

==Actually, it is cool to show early and try to get one of the remaining tickets to get a Yankee Stadium tour. There's a few problems. All advanced tickets have been sold out. If you get there by 9 a.m., you may be able to snag a ticket to the noon or 1 p.m. tour -- but that's it. And they run $20 an adult. How do you plan to kill a few hours between the time of buying the ticket, then taking the tour, then waiting for the game to start? It's your life.
You can also spend the time walking around the park and reading other important signs. Such as:

==That last shot is one you can find inside the park, when you're lost and think you have a suite seat, as opposed to a sweet seat. In fact, getting into the park ASAP is a good thing. You can be first in line (hopefully) to Monument Park, which starts forming at the bottom of the left-field box seats. If you're late, there's only time between the 5:05 p.m. stadium opening and 6:15 p.m. cut off to visit. Otherwise, the line looks like this:

==And all you see of the monuments is this:

==You could pay a visit to the giant bat outside the main entrance -- except it's being dug up now and you can't get near it:

==You could go down the box seats, down the hallway with the Adidas stripes painted on them, reminding everyone that the company has paid George Steinbrenner a lot of money to get the branding rights:

==After getting really close, you could try to deke the usher into letting you weasle down farther, only if they unhook the actual chains they've got on each aisle to keep you away. In addition, they set up extra netting around the field so batting practice balls don't go into the stands as much as you'd think. That's safety-first thinking. Or, trying to avoid losing balls to fans:

==Above each field-box aisle leading back into the tunnel is a team photo of a championship year. That's a nice touch:

==And how many championships has the team won? Oh, right. It's plastered just about everywhere you look (and if you look hard enough, that's the Empire State Building in the background):

==Yo, can't you read the sign? That means you, Jeter:

==Probably just taking in the fabulous view:

==With this being the last season of the stadium and all, the T-shirt sales are going brisk. Well, maybe not. This is about the limit of what's offered:

==At least you can gorge yourself on the local hot dog, Coney Island style:

==Or wolf down one of New York's famous Philly Cheesesteak sandwiches:

==Not that the ticket prices are too high, but the local police staff a couple near the office in case there's a credit card fraud case to investigate immediately:

==The unobstructed view from our $75 seats along the third base line, as Andy Pettitte delivers to Maicer Izturis:

==And the A-Rod/Jeter left side of the infield:

==Here's the counter on the MetLife sign in right field, marking down the days before this place is knocked to its knees:

==A ramp, leading from one section to another, with about as much natural lighting as you'll get:

==The scoreboard, midway through the game. By the time the Angels took a 10-2 lead, Yankees fans were heading for the exits, doing their best Dodger Stadium immitation:

==Game over. One last look at the remnants of a memorable evening. Right, Jeter? Wait, there's a guy blowing a whistle at us as we're trying to leave, telling us that exit is closed and we have to turn around and go far the other way.... OK, thanks:

==Again, thanks for the time. Mr. and Mrs. So Cal enjoyed the visit. Plenty of Angels fans in the crowd as well, talking about their favorite things: The tape-recorded National Anthem, the amazing bright bank of lights that ring the roof of the stadium that forces you to wear a cap just to shield your eyes, the free jar opener that was given away to the first 18,000 fans at the game (attendance: more than 50,000), the clip of "Rocky Balboa" shown on the big screen as the Yankees tried to rally back from a 12-4 deficit in the eighth, all the loud features on the Jumbotron between innings, highlighting the poor sound system, the guys who drag the field doing a routine to the Village People song "YMCA," the beer sales in the stands (one beer per ID) ... it all just blends together.

==And one more forlorn glance at the new Yankee Stadium across the street. What'll it cost to get that thing finished next week?

==At the very least, the only nostalgia a So Cal baseball fan could feel came at the end of this N.Y. trip, when taking a shuttle bus from Newark Airport in New Jersey to JFK Airport on Long Island, we cruised along the Belt Parkway through Brooklyn long enough to see the Gil Hodges Bridge, the Flatbush off ramp and another off ramp to Erskine Ave., just before getting to Queens and Rockaway Park.
There was a ballpark there, too, right?