'How Do You Do?' That'll be an additional $50, of course

So my 8-year-old kid has a soccer game this week, and it's her birthday, and her grandparents are in town from Lake Elsinore, and I'd really like to make it special but I'm not into spending a ton of money on a big party ....
What can I do to make this game so unique, it'll be the envy of all my friends and ex-wives?

You mean I can get Pete Arbogast to call the game for me? He's not too busy?

And it's just 500 bucks? Are you flippin' kiddin' me? Where do I sign up?!?

At this new home-made website, "Call Your Game" (linked here), where "professional sportscasters provide play-by-play for your team."
Oh, pinch me. No, really. Pinch me. Harder.

According to the "list of services," you'll get "a professionally announced game broadcast," with a pre- and post-game show "tailored to your desires. We will generally not talk nor show action during breaks in the action, but will send the 'broadcast' to 'commercial.'"
Get it? A "broadcast" in quotes. So it won't be on the radio?

No, but you get a free CD (or $20 for an additional copy, $10 after that).
And you can even be the colorman for Pete, without having to pay extra.

The cost? It practically pays for itself!
Arbogast, in the "Category A" announcer since he is "the voice of USC football," runs just $500.
(Does USC know he's using its name to get side work?)

Mark Helmer, an associate producer on USC football and basketball, will do play-by-play under "Category B" announcer for $250, plus $150 for a color analyst. Or you can get some other USC graduate student or website broadcaster to do the call for a mere $150, with a $100 color analyst.

Note: Fees are collected at least two weeks prior to the game. In case you sober up and realize what a colossal waste of an idea this really is.

We're not sure why no one like Bob Miller or Vin Scully hasn't thought of this idea themselves. It's as if Arbogast has formed his own radio stable of broadcasters. You go, pimp daddy.
Heck, if you want to join the club, just drop Pete an email and you're practically in (at this link) or call him -- 323-203-8302. Collect even. There's Rory Markas, picking up the phone right now.

The beauty of it is they'll call any sport -- including car racing, surfing, lacrosse, tennis "and other racquet sports" ... even bowling. What can't they do?

You gotta read the rest of the horribly slow-loading website for more details. It'll provide minutes of entertainment for the entire family.