Our Daily Dread: Go ahead, LOL at the LFL (and, no, it's not an STD)

In 1970, the famed Motown group The Temptations (which, by then, had several impostors) recorded a song called "Ball of Confusion (That's What the World is Today)".

Spin that forward on your 45 record player nearly 40 years.

Your Los Angeles Temptation (official website linked here) open their regular season Friday, against the Denver Dream. At a place called Dick's Sporting Goods Park in Commerce City, Colorado. If the players, officials and fans can actually find it.

Their home opener at the L.A. Sports Arena -- a place abandoned by even the worst of L.A. franchises and is used more for commercial shoots, rap concerts and emergency triage formation during earthquake drills -- isn't until Nov. 27 against the Seattle Mist. That's a team name -- not a soft drink, a deviant fantasy or a form of climitia.

The Women's Arena Football League? They haven't manned-up that well yet. The AFL is dead, for all genders.

Grab onto the Lingerie Football League, you boob.

Embrace it, in a long, wet kiss. Then step away and take a cold shower.

They call it the "True Fantasy Football." They're a perfect 10 teams. Only one game played per week, starting Sept. 4 and (after a Nov. 20 bye week for Thanksgiving and Dec. 25 bye week for ... whatever) ending Jan. 29.

And then, if the best-laid plans of mice and dirty old men play out, there's the Lingerie Bowl. If it's not canceled. Again.

Full contact, as advertised. Full pads, as if they're needed. Full-figured women need not apply.

With a hair stylist, make-up artist and tanning supervisor on hand, and used much more, than someone with medical expertise.

We'd advised that you don't be tempted to watch these Tempations, but that's like your mom telling you that she and your dad are going out of town to Pala Casino this weekend and you're not to watch The Playboy Channel. Or else.

Or else, you'd never see a naked woman?

At the official LFL site, we've tried to expose more information to the general public, just in case they were curious. We're lucky our Norton Virus software wasn't suddenly activated and seized up our screen with a flashing warning -- proceed at your own risk. And wear a Trojan.

A profile pops up of someone named Lauren Jenkins -- with the blonde hair and eye black that makes her look like some hot stripper at a former XFL after-party. Not that we'd know.

Lauren -- or is it Jenkins? -- is a 5-foot-9, 129 pound offensive linewoman. She's 21, and listed as a "two-year veteran." She's sweaty, looks mean, stands cool and appears to be hot at the same time.

Back up a sec.... There's not a great track record here. Kinda like that crazy girl you see at the strip club, but with a rap sheet that explains why a pair of fuzzy handcuffs are hooked onto her garter.

The first Lingerie Bowl was at the famed L.A. Coliseum in 2004. Your Los Angeles Dream -- that's what they were called back then -- shut down the New York Euphoria, 6-0 in a pay-per-view event shown at halftime of Super Bowl XXXVIII. But that halftime show was made more famous by Janet Jackson's exposed breast.

Somehow, the Lingerie Bowl was upstaged by an alleged wardrobe malfunction.

Subsequent Lingerie Bowls were hit and miss. Mostly a miss, after the local community petitioned to have it go away. It may have been played, but you couldn't see it.

This year, it's billed as a full-on league, with an Eastern and Western Division. With odds posted on who'll win it all (linked here). On a 50-yard field, without punts, field goals, kickoff or, as one writer added, dignity.

The first game of the season, between the Chicago Bliss and the Miami Caliente, must have been played, because there's plenty of photographic evidence. Just no final score really posted anywhere. The league got more exposure from the fact there were several players who had their tops and/or bottoms ripped. It just goes to show how serious the players are about this. Or seriously duped into thinking they're athletes.

Oh, wait. We found a score. The Bliss won, 29-19.

"(Miami) had a couple of wardrobe malfunctions," Bliss cornerback Danielle Moinet told the Chicago Sun-Times. "That must be really troublesome. The top comes off, and it throws you off. I can't imagine that happening to me and me going back out."

The league also got some great pub last month when Jasmine Fiore's name popped up in the news. She's the former model (who posed in this '06 Lingerie Bowl promotion, linked here) found murdered in Buena Park, the victim of her ex-husband, the reality show guy who later off'd himself in Canada... What a mess.

Uglier than the LFL, but not by much.

If the Lingerie Football League wants to be taken seriously -- and it seems to be trying -- it's not going to happen this year. Probably not the next either. No matter that there's already an iPhone app being put out there for all your important LFL information.

We'd like to tell you the L.A. Temptations have the hottest quarterback in the city, but even that's not true. We don't even know the poor girl's name. And don't get us started on the tight end.

As a business model, the LFL is not Maidenform for long-term success. Even when you strip it down to the bare essentials.

It's short-term, 22/6 newscycle eye candy, off the radar almost as quickly as it's on it. Unless there's a YouTube clip that catches the nation's fancy and draws regular attention to it for something more than just bra slippage, it's doomed from the start, and another poor reflection of our values beynold idle curiosity.

There's no "there" there. Most of us don't even know how to spell "lingerie," let alone know how it works.

It's like jock itch. We see it, we scratch, we get in more trouble.

That's the LFL. Laughoutloud Funny League. Watch it for yourself. The Temptation's first game is on TV, on KDOC (Channel 56), Friday at 8 p.m. (in between a rerun of "Frasier" and an infomercial). The league bought the local TV time. We can't wait to see what advertisements are in there to support it.

It's not like the Temptations that we know and still listen to.

By the way, the same Temptations had their first hit song in 1965. "My Girl."

Hey, hey, hey.