You can read through the final chapter in today's Daily News of Jon Secrist's journey to St. Paul, and back home via Amtrak, after he tried to catch on as a 53-year-old knuckleball pitcher. It kind of ties up the five journal entries he submitted for us between taking off on the trip April 17 and finding out he'd been cut on May 5.
Here are the links again to those blog entries again (which include many links to stories done on him during those 18 days):
May 5: "The saga's over"
April 30: "I could have gone nine innings I felt so strong"
April 25: "I got by the first hurdle"
April 24: "I'm in a curious spot"
April 17: "It could be five days or five months"

Sean Aronson, the St. Paul Saints' radio play-by-play man, had this to say about Secrist's time with the team:

"I spoke to Jon about how he felt he was fitting in with everyone and he told me most of the guys seemed to accept it. I'm sure there were a few guys that never got on board because there were a few guys coming into camp that were fighting for jobs and they didn't want to lose out to Jon. They all treated him well, with a lot of respect and when there were team functions at night there didn't seem to be any awkwardness.

"It's funny you hear a lot of people talk about their hey day when they played in high school or college and how they still play against professionals. The thing people don't realize is there is much more to pitching than throwing a baseball. You have to be able to hold runners on, field your position, cover first base and ultimately I think this is what cost Jon his opportunity. I'm not saying he couldn't have gotten better as the season went along, but I'm sure it was a factor in George's decision. For the most part, Jon pitched well and his knuckleball danced. He gave up one homer, but it was to a guy who hit 21 bombs last season, so he isn't the first guy to give up a homer to him.

"All-in-all I have the utmost respect for Jon and he has proven if you have a dream, then go after it."

And, to end it, the Howard Jones' song, "No One Is To Blame":

Jeanne Zelasko said she's spending Mother's Day today taking both her mom and mother-in-law to see the play "Wicked."
"Is that a bad idea?" she asked, wondering about the name of the play and the connotations it might have.
Anything you do with your mom on Mother's Day is good, no matter what the spectator event.
Not to say this Mother's Day is any more special than others, but the fact that Zelasko says she's cancer-free after treament on her thyroid -- the Fox network reporter/anchor was operated on in early January after doing a bowl game, and then had to endure some radiation treatment to kill the rest of it off -- makes this one she's much more wanting to share with others.
"I know it's 'my day,' but this Sunday ... and quite honestly every day since my diagnosis ... it's about everyone else that has enriched my life," she said. "I remain greatful to God that my mother's work on earth apparently is not done. I remain greatful to God for all the wonderful people in this mother's life. Most especially, my husband (Curt Sandoval, the KABC Channel 7 sportscaster) who, by the way, gets the assist for my actually getting the roll of mother, and my two incredibly wonderful children (Trevor, 10, and Isabela, 2) who have defined that roll and really put everything into perspective. They are my gifts. Do I really need more?"
Some flowers would be nice.

During Sunday's "Outside the Lines" (6:30 a.m., ESPN; 9 a.m., ESPNEWS), reporter Kelly Naqi is to reveal the results of an investigation that took her four months to figure out about their relationship, according to an ESPN press release.

They say Naqi has a series of exclusive interviews with "a former member of Mayo's inner circle who says he served as a trusted advisor to Mayo" and now apparently needs to talk.

We've read plenty of stuff about how Gillory was Mayo's go-between to USC when he was deciding which school to attend, and there's a lot of dirt on him, and Mayo's mother doesn't trust the guy.

Will this bring down the Trojans' basketball program like the pending Reggie Bush situation will bring down the Trojans' football program?

In addition to the TV stuff, ESPN.com says it will post video and a written version of Naqi's report on Sunday morning.

Smith, a Valencia resident, will be at the parking lot across from the Santa Clarita Valley Food Pantry (24133 Railroad Ave.) at noon with his daughter Kayla, son Kenny Jr., and students from Valencia High.

"We are so grateful for Kenny Smith and his family," said Larry Jones, president and founder of Feed The Children. "Four hundred Santa Clarita families will receive food because of this generous gift of kindness."

Founded in 1979 by Larry and Frances Jones, Feed The Children is an international charity based on private, non-government support. Feed The Children is a Christian, international, nonprofit relief organization with headquarters in Oklahoma City.

Whatever it is about Pau Gasol that Lakers fans don't know yet, Hubie Brown can help fill in the gaps.

"He's an interesting dude," says the ESPN / ABC NBA analyst with a chuckle.

For parts of three seasons, covering about 200 games, Brown was Gasol's coach with the Memphis Grizzlies - those formative years when the Spanish star barely out of his late teens was trying to figure out this NBA style of play, thrust into a role to carry the hopes of a young team that Jerry West was trying to mold as the general manager.

Brown, working with Mike Tirico on the Lakers-Utah series Game 3 tonight on ESPN (6 p.m.) and Game 4 on Sunday on ABC (12:30 p.m., Channel 7), is personally interested to see how far the gangling 7-footer who thought he had a better future as a doctor has come along to be an integral part of a championship-caliber team.

WNBA 'TRUTH' IN ADVERTISING?

The voice belongs to Candace Parker, the newest member of the WNBA's Sparks.
"I'm sorry, but you couldn't pay me to watch women's basketball."
Uh, excuse me . . .
"Nothing exciting ever happens. Look at the WNBA. The league has stayed the same for 10 years. There's no new blood. What kind of future does that league have? None that I can see."
Did someone lock her up in one of those confessional closets on a reality show and forget to let her out?
It's TV, all right, but only an attention-grabbing commercial for the women's pro league that the NBA's marketing department has helped push out to the networks starting with tonight's playoff games on ESPN.
After Parker recites the lines, the words that show up on the screen at the end: "She wouldn't say that. Would you?"
Two more spots that include Detroit's Cheryl Ford ("Let's be honest, your rec league team would smoke us chicks without working up a sweat") and Indiana's Tamika Catchings ("No offense, but women's basketball is a joke") are part of the "Expect Great" campaign, conceived and produced by the NBA's Goody, Silverstein & Partners firm, that could be a slam dunk in helping debunk some myths. Some of which may have started with a snappy campaign when the WNBA started that boasted "We got next."
"It comes out of research that tells us that, while there's great potential to grow females and children in our game, there were misconceptions about the level of play and athleticism among some men," said Hilary Shaev, the VP of marketing for the NBA. "We also found out that men typically are the gatekeepers for sports conversation and consumption. So combine the fact that in most cases guys control the remote control, and some aren't convinced the level is as good as it is, the result was a strategy geared toward them."
In the end, this is supposed to get those hey-men to reconsider their attitude about the WNBA, which should then trickle down to their female family members.
But with the content sounding so anti-WNBA, could it backfire?
"There's always a possibility for various interpretations of anything," said Shaev, "but the way the spots are designed, when you hear those words and see the expressions on the players' faces, you're sticking around to see why she's saying it.
"The players were great about this, too. They completely understood the approach. Some of it is things they've heard said directly to them."

WHAT SMOKES:
== Long-time Fox Sports Net West sportscaster Bill Macdonald reports that he's resting OK but will likely miss assignments for up to six weeks after undergoing surgery Tuesday to remove a cancerous prostate at the UCI Medical Center in Orange. Macdonald, 50, found out about a month ago that a biopsy determined the cancer as aggressive, leading to decision to remove the entire gland, which will help determine if the cancer has spread further. Macdonald missed his usual Lakers post-game show anchor role Wednesday night at Staples Center, and will be most noticeably absent this time of year from hosting the Angels' pregame shows and play-by-play on Avengers' games.

==Kings' TV analyst Jim Fox can be heard doing the Stanley Cup Western Conference finals series between Detroit and Dallas on NHL Radio (available on XM Satellite Radio as well as NHL.com) with play-by-play man Dave Strader and Ducks' analyst Brian Hayward, who is serving as a rinkside reporter. Fox has also been doing playoff analysis online at YahooSports.com.

WHAT CHOKES
== HBO's decision to cover the Dallas Cowboys' life at training camp in Oxnard this July for its latest edition of "Hard Knocks" seems as if it'll provide plenty of entertaining possibilities - a Jerry Jones' trip to the Beverly Hills' plastic surgeon for touchup work, perhaps - but it most likely won't include any special appearances by Tony Romo's main squeeze Jessica Simpson "unless she's out there running 7-on-7 drills," said NFL Films president Steve Sabol. HBO Sports chief Ross Greenburg has tried to make it clear that "this is not the E Television Network, this is HBO and HBO Sports. We're doing it for the avid football fan that used to watch 'Inside the NFL,'" which was an HBO property until it let the cast go after last season.

Even more from ESPN/ABC analyst Hubie Brown , following his assessment of the Lakers' Pau Gasol in today's media column, with some more paragraphs to drool over:

==Brown, on how Gasol was in his early years of the NBA when he coached him at Memphis:

"When we coached him in '03 and '04, one of the first things we tried to change was his strength. He started working out more with the weight guys. He was also extremely bright, and no one laughed when he talked about being a doctor when this was all over. Naturally, you can be impressed by his parents (both in the medical profession in Spain, and both played second-division basketball) and they're wonderful people."

==On the impact he's made with the Lakers:

"Everyone talks about how this is the first time he's played with a player like Kobe. Forget that. This is the first time he's been with a power forward as good as Lamar Odom. They compliment one another. You're seeing that in this (Utah) series, no one player can guard Kobe. Or Pau. So Odom's points and assists are up. Odom has to be played man-to-man because everyone else doubleteams Kobe and Pau. What makes it more dangerous is they're all three excellent passers, at the top of the list in the league at their positions. It makes it easy to stay in the flow especially when each can beat their men off the dribble
"The only guys I've ever seen able to guard Pau man-on-man was Kevin Garnett and Karl Malone, otherwise you've got to double him. He can score with either hand, and dribble with either hand."

==On what parts of Gasol's game that he can improve upon:

"You always want to go with more strength, and shoot a higher percentage at the foul line. He'll struggle with that at times. But as far as jumpshooting, his range, finishing with either hand, with his back to the basket ... he's got all that stuff to go right now."

==For a look at the WNBA "Expect Great" ads that are debuting tonight on NBA playoff telecasts, click here for the spots by the Sparks' Candace Parker, as well as those done by the Detroit Shock's Cheryl Ford and the Indiana Fever's Tamika Catchings .

==The non-Laker NBA playoff game lineup this weekend:
Saturday: Detroit at Orlando Game 4: Dan Schulman and Doris Burke, 2 p.m., ESPN
Saturday: Boston at Cleveland Game 3: Mike Breen, Mark Jackson and Jeff Van Gundy, 5:15 p.m., Channel 7
Sunday: New Orleans at San Antonio Game 4: Marv Albert and Reggie Miller, 5:15 p.m., TNT.
Monday: Boston at Cleveland Game 4: Kevin Harlan and Doug Collins, 5:15 p.m., TNT.

==TNT's studio guys are smellin' up the studio Sunday, for a decent reason.
Ernie Johnson, Charles Barkley and Kenny Smith will go barefoot on the set Sunday to raise awareness for Samaritan's Feet, a charity that tries to help outfit 10 million impoverished children worldwide. Samaritan's Feet founder Manny Ohonme will join the TNT crew after the New Orleans-San Antonio game.

==TNT's Doug Collins, during Wednesday's Lakers-Jazz telecast, comparing the Lakers to a certain golfer who's coming off knee surgery: "The Lakers have looked them down and the Jazz need to dig in their heels and compete and show the Lakers that they think they can beat them. It's almost like when you play golf against Tiger Woods and you're getting ready to tee it up and you think, 'I can play great tonight, but I still don't think I can beat him.' The Jazz are a good team, they've got to start playing with some confidence."

==Credit Deadspin.com for finding a link to ESPN touting Detroit's Richard Hamilton as "The Flomax Difference Maker" graphic.
"You see, this is what's going to continue to happen while Baby Boomers control the pursestrings," writes editor Will Leitch. "If you don't think we're a couple years away from the LeBron James MedicAlert Bracelet NBA Finals MVP Award. And, inevitably, the Mitchell-Jerden Funeral Home MLB All-Star Game. Though, by then, they'll probably scratch and claw for the Crystal Cryogenics 500."

**GOLF:

==NBC's team at The Players Championship at TPC Sawgrass is, of course, Dan Hicks and Johnny Miller at the 18th, reporters Gary Koch (16th hole) and Bob Murphy (14th), on-course reporters Roger Maltbie, Mark Rolfing and Dottie Pepper; general assignment poet Jimmy Roberts and Bob Costas, who does some interviews as well.
NBC has 10 of its 42 cameras at the 17th island hole, including a microscopic lens embedded in the lip of the tiny front bunker. Two of the cameras are in unusual spots -- one is on a crane 120 feet above the trees in front of the 16th fairway where it can see 16, 17 and 18. Another is ferried to the island off the 17th green, where the cameraman is marooned for about eight hours a day to get reaction shots on the 17th tee.
A record 94 balls were hit into the water off the 17th green in last year's event.
In addition to the cameras, the network has 21 microphones planted around to get a splash sound from every conceiveable spot. The PGA Tour site home page also has a webcam pointed on the 17th hole, so those frittering away work hours can have something to watch.
Maltbie said of the 17th hole: "I've ripped a few sleeves in there through the course of time. I used to make it a habit on Wednesday (during practice round), I'd fire one or two of them in there just to get it done. I figured I'd serve the Terrible Water God at 17 and I'd be done for the week."
More on Miller talking about Anthony Kim from Thursday's blog.

**HORSE RACING:

(Illustration by Bill Schorr)

==NBC says its Kentucky Derby coverage was the most-viewed in four years with 14.2 million eyeballs, up three percent over last year, even though the rating was flat at 8.8. NBC also has the Preakness on May 17, 1:30 p.m., where Big Brown tries to win the second leg of the Triple Crown.

==HBO's "Real Sports" installment that begins Monday (10 p.m.) includes a Bernard Goldberg report called "Hidden Horses" that, with hidden cameras, looks at how underperforming thoroughbreds are auctioned off and sent to the less humane and less regulated slaughterhouses across the border because the practice of killing horses no longer takes place in this country. Some of the thoroughbreds end up on the plates of European and Japanese diners who pay top dollar for the delicacy.

**NHL:

==ESPN has worked a deal where the CBC "Hockey Night in Canada" lightning rod Don Cherry joins its studio show with Barry Melrose starting tonight on SportsCenter after the Pittsburgh-Philadelphia game.
"Pairing Don Cherry and Barry Melrose will provide NHL fans with two of the most respected and opinionated voices in hockey today," said Norby Williamson, ESPN executive vice president, production. "SportsCenter will be the place to turn for Stanley Cup analysis, debate and highlights."
And the game itself, regretably, is on Versus.
Cherry said he will donate his ESPN fee to the Humane Society. Last year, NBC worked out a situation to have Cherry join the network on its Stanley Cup final telecast.

**BASEBALL:

==The L.A. market gets Fox's New York Yankees at Detroit Tigers contest on Saturday (12:55 p.m., Channel 11) with Dick Stockton and Eric Karros (along with 54 percent of the country). Other regions get Arizona at Chicago and St. Louis at Milwaukee. Joe Buck and Tim McCarver have the weekend off.

==The Onion Sports headline of the week:

Nationals Book It After Foul Ball Accidentally Smashes Capitol Rotunda

**BOWLING:

==Holy Schenkels: CBS, without any golf this weekend, has resorted to something it calls "Bowling's Clash of Champions," a two-day event (Saturday, 2 p.m.; Sunday, 1 p.m., Channel 2, a great lead-in for CBS 2's Sports Central) that was taped and edited from last week's event at Municipal Auditorium in Kansas City, Mo., where 16 champions from last year's U.S. Bowling Congress tournaments (including U.S. Open men's champ Pete Weber and U.S. Women's Open champ Liz Johnson) competed in a sudden-death format. The players, ranging in age from teenagers to seniors, were put in four groups and told to throw one shot on one of four lanes they pick. The player with the lowest pinfall was eliminated until one player remained. That player went into the semifinals, and the remaining two men and two women bowled against each other in a traditional format (that'll be Sunday's show) for a $50,000 first prize. Bill Macatee calls it, with Nelson Burton Jr. trying to figure it all out, plus non-Pennsylvania governor Lynn Swann as the gutter-side reporter.

**MISC.

==ESPN2 has an announcer-less Arena Football game on Monday (5 p.m., Philadelphia vs. Georgia) that will rely on analyst Ray Bentley to provide information in and out of commercial breaks, during time outs and when play is in the red zone -- isn't play always in the red zone in the AFL? Audio from seven on-field mikes attached to four players, two coaches and a referee will be enough.

==CBS has the taped package of the NCAA women's gymnastics finals from late last month, airing Saturday from noon to 2 p.m. Tim Brando and Amanda Borden provide the audio commentary.

==ESPN360.com signed a deal to carry Euroleague basketball games over the next two seasons, starting in October. Led by former Duke star Trajan Langdon, CSKA Moscow defeated Maccabi Tel Aviv 97-91 in this season's Euroleague Final last Sunday.

==ESPN, Inc. (that's ABC, ESPN, ESPN2 and ESPN Classic) will have live coverage of 31 games from the UEFA European Football Championship from June 7-29. Most are on ESPN2 (17), but ABC will do two matches -- a quarterfinal contest on June 21 and the title match Sunday, June 29 at 11:30 a.m. from Vienna, Austria, a game that will be preceeded by a Galaxy-DC United MLS contest at 9 a.m. that day to make it a doubleheader broadcast.

**AND FINALLY:
==Stuart Scott, never one to dangle a participle, has a colon over his shoulder. That is a colon, right?

ESPN talking heads, from Scott to Jim Rome to Woody Paige, are part of a PSA that urge the male audience members to inspect themselves, according to a story in the New York Times.
"In a world of donated media, nothing is more important than to get the right message across to the right audience," Advertising Council executive VP Priscilla Natkins says in the story. "It's hard to orchestrate this as finely as we'd like."
Scott recently underwent chemotherapy after a malignancy was discovered during an emergency appendectomy.
If the message comes from the messenger who knows what he's talking about, all the more power to him, and us.

The star-crossed first baseman, remembered through Red Sox Nation for having a grounder go through his legs that allowed the New York Mets to win Game 6 of the 1986 World Series, was one of three named to the 2008 class of electees to the Baseball Reliquary's Shrine of the Eternals on Thursday.

Former Negro Leaguer Buck O'Neil and former big-league umpire Emmett Ashford also received enough votes to be inducted into what's been called the People's Baseball Hall of Fame, based in Pasadena.

The three will be inducted in ceremonies at the Pasadena Central Library on Sunday, July 20 by the Baseball Reliquary.

Of the 50 eligible candidates, Reliquary director Terry Cannon said that O'Neil received the highest voting percentage -- he was named on 53 percent of the ballots, which ties him with Bill "Spaceman" Lee for the highest percentage since the Shrine elections began in 1999.

Ashford (31 percent) and Buckner (29 percent) edged Casey Stengel (28 percent), Dizzy Dean and Don Zimmer (25 percent), Effa Manley (24 percent) and Steve Dalkowski (23 percent).

What may be seen as a wholesome activity is suddenly turned into a nightmare as the "stunts get more complex, injuries and other disastrous consequences often result" like eating disorders, intense pressure to succeed and " according to the press release issued by the channel for "THS Investigates: Cheerleading" (8 p.m.)

"Financially, an average year can run on a low side maybe about four thousand dollars, on the upside of about 20 thousand dollars," says Jennifer House, a mother of one Ohio cheerleader.

Says Ashley Picard, a college cheerleader who suffered eating disorder: "There's a lot of skeletons in the closet in the sport of cheerleading. You know, along with being able to wear the makeup and the hair and the short little skirts, there comes a pressure of, you know, being considered attractive and being thin."

"He's quite a good chipper and a great ball-striker, very aggressive, but with his putting, he had three or four chances to win in the past and didn't take it," Miller, the 1973 U.S. Open and '76 British Open champ who collected 25 PGA titles during his career, said of the 22-year-old Kim, who grew up in Studio City and comes into The Players Championship this weekend fresh off winning his first PGA event, the Wachovia Championship, by five shots.

"Last week, he was putting his brains out," Miller continued. "Whe he can put that package together, it's enough to win by several shots, which he did.

"The thing I see in his game that reminds me of mine is I see him inconsistent maybe with his makeup and his aggressiveness. But he's shown he can actually blow away a field, which is a good sign and that's how he can win two or three times a year with that approach. He could be the next great young player with Adam Scott."

Miller, a World Golf Hall of Famer who joined the PGA Tour in '69 at the age of 22 but didn't win his first title until '71, gets another first-hand view of Kim, a PGA rookie last year, as he tries to stay dry at TPC Sawgrass. Miller has his 18th tower spot for NBC's 10 hours on Saturday and Sunday (11 a.m. to 4 p.m. each day) after the network produces the Golf Channel coverage today (10 a.m. to 4 p.m.) and Friday.

"I think experience is overrated," said Miller. "If a guy comes in there thinking that he's got no scar tissue and he just comes in and plays a normal game, he's pretty amped up, hopefully he can go two ways. They can either play terribly or be a star.

"(Kim is) the kind of player like Jerry Pate or Lanny Wadkins, who says 'Get out of the way, I'm Anthony Kim and I'm ready to whip your butt.' He's the kind of guy you want, confidence wise, who gets the younger guys fired up."

Kim has a 1:33 p.m. (EDT) tee time starting from No. 10 with Bo Weekley and D.J. Trahan today in what most in the golf world refer to as the fifth major.

The Dallas Cowboys have plans to scoot on back to Oxnard this summer for training camp, and with them will include about 24 extra members of NFL Films to revive the HBO series "Hard Knocks."

The Cowboys, who last year trained in San Antonio, are scheduled to come back to Oxnard in late July, where HBO will generate what it calls a five episode "cinema verité series" that focuses on the daily lives and routines of players and coaches.

Owner Jerry Jones, coach-to-be-soon-replaced Wade Phillips, stars like Tono Romo, Terrell Owens and Pacman Jones (maybe) and perhaps a visit from Jessica Simpson would seem to bring enough interest for HBO to commit to some 700 hours of taping and quick turn around to keep the reality show fresh each week.

"HBO's ability to develop sports and entertainment franchises is unmatched in television," Jones, who heads the NFL's TV committee, said in a press release. "They commit the resources to do it the right way, and they know how to effectively reach sports fans. This is an opportunity for the Cowboys to bring millions of our fans closer to our team and the training camp experience."

The series starts Wednesday, Aug. 6 and goes through Sept. 3.

This will be the fifth time HBO has done the "Hard Knocks" series, going back to the first time in 2001 to focus on the Baltimore Ravens the year after they won the Super Bowl. In 2002, the Cowboys were the featured team, under Dave Campo. That team ended up going 5-11 in the regular season. The series resumed last year to follow the Kansas City Chiefs.

"It's the most challenging, high-profile project of the year for NFL Films," said NFL Films president Steve Sabol. "There is no shooting script, no structure, no format. The storylines change weekly. For NFL Films, it is a six-week-long audible."

Hey, how 'bout something with Jerry taking the famed Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders to get some plastic surgery touchups at a private Beverly Hills salon during a break in practice? The storylines are endless.

Today, the Kobe MVP T-shirt made its debut for $19.95 on the NBA Store site (Item No. 3120314, if they need to restock). Can't find it yet on the Team L.A. Store site, unless you're looking for some other kinda goofy Kobe apparel that says nothing about MVP on it but is still celebrating his 81-point game ... when was it, a couple years ago now? Ask Joel Meyers.

This new MVP shirt replaces the one that Adidas put out in recent months -- and the NBA Store apparently stopped selling, but is still available on Amazon.com.

And this is much different than what's been selling on eBay from a shop in, no less, Denver. Or this other one from something called Zazzle that's far more understated.

By BRADLEY BROOKS
Associated Press Writer

BAGHDAD -- The weight of the 9-iron felt just right. My first swing off the first tee was smooth and the ball sailed straight and true.

For a brief moment I forgot where I was. Then I gazed down the fairway -- actually just a few clumps of grass, scrub brush and plenty of rocks.

This is golf, Green Zone style.

One recent afternoon -- squeezed in between sandstorms and incoming mortar rounds -- a colleague and I hit the links. We dubbed it the Baghdad Open.

But there's nothing really open about it. The nine-hole Crossed Swords Golf Course is closed in by 15-foot concrete blast walls and watched over by humorless Gurkha guards from Nepal.

Black Hawk helicopters buzzed overhead. Bursts of gunfire interrupted backswings. The threat of incoming rockets and mortars was ever present.

The course -- a total of 479 rugged, dusty and nerve-fraying yards -- was created a year ago by a British military officer who was part of a NATO training mission. Its name comes from one of Saddam Hussein's eccentric architectural legacies that's now a Green Zone landmark: two giant hands holding curved sabers that served as an archway for the late dictator's parade grounds.

The course "is the sole entertainment that we have here in Iraq," said Air Force Maj. Al Geralt of San Diego as he finished a round. He reported his score was somewhere between "abysmal and miserable."

"But it's loads of fun," he said. "The NATO boys that came up with it -- it is one of the best things they could have done for morale out here."

So long as you don't expect anything resembling the country club back home.

The greens would more aptly be called "browns" as they are made of dirt. The cups are fashioned out of baked bean cans sunk into the ground with large, creepy beetles crawling in the bottom.

There was, of course, a sand bunker. But oddly, for a desert country, just one.

Arguably the most hallowed spot of American golf -- Augusta National, home of the Masters -- bills its Amen Corner, holes No. 11, 12 and 13, as among the toughest tests in the golfing world. But I would challenge Tiger Woods to a round at the Green Zone course any day -- just to see how his steely concentration would hold up when the mortar alarm blares: "Incoming! Incoming! Take cover!" and shells land nearby.

Players are allowed only two clubs -- a short iron or a pitching wedge, along with a putter. I chose a 9-iron, the club my father taught me to use for my short game since my first feeble swings in preschool. My competitor, Associated Press photographer Petr David Josek, went with a pitching wedge.

The short irons and sand wedges -- along with woods used at a mini driving "range" consisting of a small tee box and net -- were donated by Nicklaus Golf Equipment. Putters were donated by the Yes! company.

The fee is a small donation (most people give $2 for a round) and about $800 has been raised so far. Once they hit the $1,000 mark, all future proceeds will go to the National Fallen Heroes Foundation, a charity that helps the families of American soldiers killed in Iraq.

Our tee time was 5 p.m. The day had cooled to about 109 degrees.

The first challenge was getting by the Gurkha guards. Despite gaining access a few times before, on this particular day our security badges were deemed insufficient. After 45 minutes of explaining, pleading and miming a golf swing -- the guards had little command of English -- a British officer took pity and got us to the first tee at what must be one of the quirkiest courses in the world.

It has competition, though. Several years after the fall of the Taliban in Afghanistan in 2001, the Kabul Golf Club was cleared of landmines and reopened. Near the DMZ separating the Korean peninsula, the single, 192-yard hole at U.S. Camp Bonifas playfully billed itself as "the world's most dangerous golf course."

In the Green Zone, there is so little grass on the course golfers must carry their own: swatches of artificial turf for all shots except putts.

"I guess we'll always hit the fairway, right?" Petr quipped as we made our way to the first tee, fake grass in hand.

There are a few unusual club rules:

==A ball can always be repositioned one club length, as long as it isn't nearer the hole. When putting, a player is allowed to remove large rocks from the path to the hole, but cannot use the putter to groove a trail in the hard soil to the cup.

==Any ball hit over one of the concrete blast walls is considered lost -- the player must replay the last shot and take a penalty stroke.

At least the layout is simple. The shortest hole is a 15-yarder, with the tee box being a sand bunker. The longest hole is 90 yards, a straight shot to the green.

During our swings on the second hole, prolonged bursts of gunfire could be heard -- perhaps from a practice range private security guards use, maybe from fighting. Either way, there is nothing like the sound of a .50 caliber machine gun to disrupt a swing.

I've played golf all my life but rarely in the past decade. Petr claims he has not swung a club in the past six years, but he is also a tremendous poker player and his graceful tee shot on the first hole indicated I might have been taken in by a ringer.

There was no money on the line in this year's Open -- gambling is forbidden in Iraq under military rules. We don't fall under those guidelines, but we respected them out of sheer cheapness. Bragging rights back in the office would be payment enough.

On the third hole, I let out an anguished yell as my putt bounced off the exposed top of the baked bean can hole, robbing me of par.

"This is Baghdad golf," Petr reminded me. "You just got to deal with the consequences. It is what it is."

Petr was forced to take his own advice when his putt lipped out on the sixth hole, costing him a birdie.

As we closed out our nine-hole round, both Petr and I were certain he was a stroke ahead. Yet, when scores were tallied, we ended in a tie: a humbling 12-over-par 39.

We agreed the only proper thing is to meet back in Baghdad in a year's time for a second edition of the Open.

Another golfer on the course, Clifford McDaid, a security consultant from Northern Ireland, smacked his tee shot 30 yards beyond the pin on the third hole. The ball hit one of the concrete blast walls and bounced back to within only a few feet of the cup.

"It's Baghdad rules, mate," he said to his golfing partner. "This is some crazy golf."

The same opponent that the Washington Nationals have on May 22.

And the San Francisco Giants ...

Which is the same opponent -- sort of -- that the Angels face on May 22.

Which is the same opponent that every MLB team has on their calendar for May 22.

Remember when they wanted to put the Spider-Man logo on all the bases when that movie came out a couple of years ago? Welcome to the digital age of advertising. You know have another reminder about what move is coming out that day.