HDTV finally realizes its potential

As Mayor of Television, I am invited to a great number of important functions and and an even greater number of unimportant ones. Today, I had the great fortune, so to speak, of being invited to an event commemorating the launch of "Wheel of Fortune" and "Jeopardy!" in the High-Definition format.

How gratifying to know that these programs will soon be able to be seen with the crisp attention to detail they've always merited. Sporting events have benefited greatly from the gorgeous visuals HDTV offers, and now, our intellectual sporting events will, as well. How many times have you wanted to play along with "Wheel," only to be frustrated by the fuzzy quality of the letters? No longer. And now that "Jeopardy!"'s questions-in-the-form-of-answers will be razor-sharply readable, perhaps I will be able to answer one of them now and again.

Mark Cuban, owner of HDNet, once told me - and, yes, as your Mayor, it is my privilege and duty to consort with, or at least name-drop, billionaires - that after experiencing HDTV, many viewers find it difficult or at least disappointing to return to shows broadcast in the old analogue manner. Indeed, after watching an NBA game in High-Definition, one notices the distinct difference when switching over to the muddier, more muted images of "The Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer." Or perhaps that's just what Blitzer looks like. I fear that no technology, however, will ever make the TV Guide Channel palatable.

But HDTV should prove to be a real boon once we're able to watch the newly slender Katie Couric deliver "The CBS Evening News." And HDTV might've even been able to help us more easily discern that CNN anchor Kyra Phillips was dissing her sister-in-law with her mic live in a bathroom while President Bush was blathering away about how important the people of New Orleans are to him.

Hence, the possibility of seeing Vanna White turn letters that spell out the phrase "PINEAPPLE UPSIDEDOWN CAKE" via cutting-edge technology is a triumph for the Good People of Television, one we should all applaud and embrace. Sadly, however, I must send my regrets to Ms. White and Mssrs. Trebek and Sajak on their celebration, at which the Champagne will surely pour: I'm having my teeth waxed that day.