David Kronke was appointed Mayor of Television after a bloodless coup in 2000. Since then, he has improved infrastructure, championed greater educational opportunities and fought for reforms that have utterly erased corruption and incompetence from the television industry. Since Mr. Kronke has ascended to power, Television is a far better place. Family-friendly mayhem
Just in case the TV catchphrases list wasn’t idiotic enough for your tastes, let us introduce you to the “Top 100 Most Family Friendly Primetime Network Television Series,� according to the new “Myers Emotional Connections® Study of TV Viewers.�
Actually, it’s an incredibly long and involved list (three lists, actually, that’s how long and involved it is), so we’ll just give you some of the high points. Whoever was polled considered “Hannity & Colmes� (No. 11) and their taunting of intellectually inferior liberals more family-friendly than “SpongeBob SquarePants� (No. 14), “Monk� (No. 15) and NASCAR races (No. 16). These same geniuses found “The O’Reilly Factor� (No. 24) more wholesome than “The Andy Griffith Show� (No. 26), almost certainly the kindest, gentlest show on television ever, and, certainly, Andy never repeatedly bellowed at anyone to “Shut up.�
More: “Walker, Texas Ranger,� despite its high violence quotient, ranked No. 28. “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart,� decidedly not aimed at kids, was No. 45; “The Colbert Report� tied for No. 67. “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation,� noted for its tasteful evocations of human savagery and Vegas decadence, tied for No. 49. The World Series of Poker, a celebration of gambling, was No. 58, just ahead of the old (and apparently rather transgressive) Olsen-twins sitcom “Full House.�
Oh, and NBA games on ESPN (No. 17) ranked significantly higher than NBA games on TNT (No. 75).
The results broke significantly differently by gender: Men had “Walker Texas Ranger,� “Hannity & Colmes� and “The O’Reilly Factor� all in their top 10, while women named HGTV’s “Divine Design� No. 1, Food Network’s “Ham on the Street� No. 3 and HGTV’s “Designed to Sell� No. 9. (Gee, I guess we really are all clichés.) Honestly, if my parents had sat me down before the TV and had me watch any of those shows, I'd be certain I was being punished: Death by Boredom.
The No. 1 most family-friendly show overall? Speed Channel’s “Trackside at …�
Clearly, the methodology is haywire. This is what the press release had to say about that:
“Myers surveyed 6,100 adults ages 18 to 64 in May to determine their emotional ties to the TV programs they view, measuring nine attributes of emotional connection. The percentages below reflect the percent of viewers to each program who rate that program five, six or seven (top 3 box) on a seven-point scale for ‘I am comfortable viewing this program with my family.’�
Clearly, Myers then neglected to give weight to shows mentioned far more frequently than others. I mean, “Trackside at … “ no doubt is fine for kids, but I hadn’t even heard of it, so the eight or so people who may have mentioned it in their lists helped propel it right to the top.
Also: Wouldn’t most people consider most of what they watch to be appropriate viewing? Otherwise, wouldn’t watching family-hostile programming make them, um, bad people?
And what to make of the 14.7 percent of those polled who don't consider “The Andy Griffith Show� family-friendly?
Perhaps those surveyed also participated in this study.
Anyway, there's a great deal more to gripe about with this thing, including some glaring inconsistencies, but that's your job, once you check out the lists after the jump.
These lists may not scan very cleanly, but there's no way I was going to spend the rest of the night cleaning them up. You'll get the idea eventually. Or you can throw up your hands in disgust. Either way, I'll understand.
I am comfortable viewing this program with family.
Respondents: AGES 25-54
Top 3-Box Rating 5/6/7 on a 7 point scale (1= Strongly Disagree, 7= Strongly Agree)
PROGRAM (Network)
TOP 3 BOX %
RANK
Trackside At... (Speed Channel)
100.0
1
Little People Big World (TLC)
94.7
2
Everybody Loves Raymond (TBS)
93.3
3
Antiques Roadshow (PBS)
92.3
4
Bailando por un Sueno (Univision)
92.2
5
Cowboy U (CMT (Country Music Television))
91.8
6
Don Francisco Presenta (Univision)
91.3
7
The Dog Whisperer (National Geographic Channel)
90.8
8
Trading Spaces (TLC)
90.7
9
7th Heaven (The WB)
90.2
10
Hannity & Colmes (Fox News Channel)
89.4
11
What Not to Wear (TLC)
89.4
11
Explorer (National Geographic Channel)
88.6
13
SpongeBob SquarePants (Nickelodeon)
88.4
14
Monk (USA)
88.1
15
NASCAR Racing (Speed Channel)
88.0
16
NBA Basketball (ESPN2)
87.9
17
The Secret Life Of... (Food Network)
87.8
18
Designed to Sell (HGTV)
87.0
19
The Amazing Race 9 (CBS)
86.8
20
Unwrapped (Food Network)
86.3
21
The This Old House Hour (PBS)
86.3
21
Los Premios Billboard (Telemundo)
86.3
21
The O'Reilly Factor (Fox News Channel)
86.2
24
Miami Animal Police (Animal Planet)
85.5
25
The Andy Griffith Show (TV Land)
85.3
26
American Idol (Fox)
85.2
27
Walker Texas Ranger (Hallmark)
84.9
28
CNN Presents (CNN)
84.8
29
The West Wing (NBC)
84.7
30
Good Times (TV Land)
84.7
30
Divine Design (HGTV)
84.7
30
Tuckerville (TLC)
84.6
33
Emeril Live (Food Network)
84.6
33
Mega Movers (History)
84.4
35
The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (Nick at Nite)
84.2
36
Ham on the Street (Food Network)
84.1
37
Psychic Detectives (Court TV)
84.0
38
Deadliest Catch (Discovery)
84.0
38
House Hunters (HGTV)
83.9
40
reDesign (HGTV)
83.9
40
Cash in the Attic (HGTV)
83.9
40
Survivor: Panama -- Exile Island (CBS)
83.9
40
The Planet's Funniest Animals (Animal Planet)
83.9
40
Gilmore Girls (The WB)
83.8
45
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart (Comedy Central)
83.5
46
Good Eats (Food Network)
83.2
47
Going Tribal (Discovery)
83.1
48
MythBusters (Discovery)
83.0
49
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (Spike TV)
83.0
49
Soul Food (BET)
82.9
51
Iron Chef America (Food Network)
82.8
52
Ghost Hunters (Sci Fi)
82.5
53
General Hospital Today (SOAPnet)
82.5
53
Little House on the Prairie (TV Land)
82.4
55
NCIS (CBS)
82.3
56
National Geographic's Most Dangerous Moments (Nat Geo)
82.2
57
2005 World Series of Poker (ESPN2)
82.1
58
Weather: Evening Edition (The Weather Channel)
82.0
59
Full House (Nick at Nite)
82.0
59
Stargate SG-1 (Sci Fi)
81.9
61
Design Remix (HGTV)
81.8
62
Charmed (The WB)
81.7
63
Xiaolin Showdown (Cartoon/Adult Swim)
81.6
64
Overhaulin' Truck (TLC)
81.5
65
Flip This House (A&E)
81.4
66
Barrera de Amor (Univision)
81.3
67
Stargate Atlantis (Sci Fi)
81.3
67
Ghost Whisperer (CBS)
81.3
67
The Colbert Report (Comedy Central)
81.3
67
Everwood (The WB)
81.3
67
Monster Garage (Discovery)
81.1
72
Seinfeld (TBS)
81.0
73
Decorating Cents (HGTV)
80.8
74
NBA Basketball (TNT)
80.5
75
NFL Live (ESPN)
80.2
76
Ancient Discoveries (History)
80.1
77
Law & Order: Criminal Intent (Bravo)
80.1
77
Anthony Bourdain (Travel Channel)
79.8
79
Baseball Tonight (ESPN)
79.7
80
Landscapers' Challenge (HGTV)
79.7
80
Deal or No Deal (NBC)
79.7
80
Star Trek: The Next Generation (G4)
79.7
80
Nashville Star (USA)
79.5
84
Invasion (ABC)
79.5
84
Any Movie (Hallmark)
79.4
86
Sabado Gigante (Univision)
79.4
86
Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends (Cartoon/Adult Swim)
79.4
86
The Apprentice (NBC)
79.3
89
Friends (TBS)
79.2
90
Doctor Who (Sci Fi)
79.1
91
$40-a-Day (Food Network)
79.1
91
Half & Half (UPN)
79.1
91
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (ABC)
79.1
91
Who Wants to Be a Millionaire (GSN)
79.0
95
Boxing (ESPN2)
79.0
95
Reba (The WB)
79.0
95
Most Haunted (Travel Channel)
78.9
98
One on One (UPN)
78.9
98
Lost (ABC)
78.8
100
Supernatural (The WB)
78.8
100
Overhaulin' (TLC)
78.8
100
AVERAGE (among 382 programs)
71.1
I am comfortable viewing this program with family.
Respondents: FEMALES 25-54
Top 3-Box Rating 5/6/7 on a 7 point scale (1= Strongly Disagree, 7= Strongly Agree)
PROGRAM (Network)
TOP 3 BOX %
RANK
Divine Design (HGTV)
95.3
1
Little People Big World (TLC)
93.9
2
Ham on the Street (Food Network)
93.0
3
Full House (Nick at Nite)
92.5
4
Everybody Loves Raymond (TBS)
92.2
5
Antiques Roadshow (PBS)
91.7
6
The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (Nick at Nite)
91.2
7
NASCAR Racing (Speed Channel)
91.1
8
Designed to Sell (HGTV)
91.0
9
What Not to Wear (TLC)
90.8
10
MythBusters (Discovery)
90.6
11
Veronica Mars (UPN)
90.5
12
The Amazing Race 9 (CBS)
90.5
12
NBA Basketball (ESPN)
90.4
14
7th Heaven (The WB)
90.0
15
Miami Animal Police (Animal Planet)
89.9
16
Trading Spaces (TLC)
89.8
17
Good Times (TV Land)
89.4
18
Unwrapped (Food Network)
89.1
19
Who Wants to Be a Millionaire (GSN)
89.0
20
Iron Chef America (Food Network)
88.8
21
Emeril Live (Food Network)
88.6
22
Stargate SG-1 (Sci Fi)
88.0
23
Ancient Discoveries (History)
88.0
23
The Colbert Report (Comedy Central)
87.8
25
American Idol (Fox)
87.6
26
House Hunters (HGTV)
87.4
27
Gilmore Girls (The WB)
87.3
28
The Planet's Funniest Animals (Animal Planet)
87.0
29
Any Movie (Sci Fi)
86.9
30
SpongeBob SquarePants (Nickelodeon)
86.9
30
Reno Rib Cook-Off (Food Network)
86.7
32
Good Eats (Food Network)
86.6
33
The Andy Griffith Show (TV Land)
86.5
34
NBA Basketball (TNT)
86.3
35
The West Wing (NBC)
86.3
35
Monk (USA)
86.2
37
Soul Food (BET)
85.8
38
Design Remix (HGTV)
85.5
39
The Parkers (BET)
85.3
40
Seinfeld (TBS)
85.2
41
Survivor: Panama -- Exile Island (CBS)
85.2
42
NCIS (CBS)
85.0
43
The Secret Life Of... (Food Network)
84.9
44
Landscapers' Challenge (HGTV)
84.8
45
Hannity & Colmes (Fox News Channel)
84.8
45
Psychic Detectives (Court TV)
84.7
47
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart (Comedy Central)
84.6
48
Supernatural (The WB)
84.5
49
Flip This House (A&E)
84.4
50
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (Spike TV)
84.3
51
reDesign (HGTV)
84.3
51
Star Trek: The Next Generation (G4)
84.0
53
Deal or No Deal (NBC)
83.7
54
Stargate Atlantis (Sci Fi)
83.3
55
Girlfriends (UPN)
83.2
56
Ghost Whisperer (CBS)
83.2
56
Tuckerville (TLC)
83.1
58
The King of Queens (CBS)
82.9
59
What You Get for the Money (HGTV)
82.9
59
Charmed (The WB)
82.7
61
Invasion (ABC)
82.6
62
Blow Out (Bravo)
82.6
62
Everwood (The WB)
82.5
64
Smallville (The WB)
82.4
65
Ghost Hunters (Sci Fi)
82.3
66
Half & Half (UPN)
82.3
66
The O'Reilly Factor (Fox News Channel)
82.0
68
Ed Edd n Eddy (Cartoon/Adult Swim)
82.0
68
Scrubs (NBC)
81.9
70
One on One (UPN)
81.8
71
Little House on the Prairie (TV Land)
81.8
71
Girlfriends (BET)
81.4
73
Decorating Cents (HGTV)
81.4
73
Medium (NBC)
81.3
75
On the Record With Greta Van Susteren (Fox News Channel)
81.3
75
Everybody Hates Chris (UPN)
81.1
77
General Hospital Today (SOAPnet)
81.1
77
Lost (ABC)
81.0
79
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (ABC)
80.9
80
Supernanny (ABC)
80.8
81
America's Next Top Model (UPN)
80.7
82
Whose Line Is It Anyway? (ABC Family)
80.7
82
The Apprentice (NBC)
80.7
82
Nashville Star (USA)
80.6
85
Any Movie (Lifetime)
80.4
86
Deadliest Catch (Discovery)
80.4
86
House (Fox)
80.2
88
Animal Precinct (Animal Planet)
80.1
89
FreeStyle (HGTV)
80.0
90
Dog the Bounty Hunter (A&E)
79.9
91
Commander In Chief (ABC)
79.4
92
$40-a-Day (Food Network)
79.3
93
The Next Food Network Star (Food Network)
79.3
93
Miami Ink (TLC)
79.0
95
House Hunters International (HGTV)
79.0
95
Close to Home (CBS)
78.8
97
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (CBS)
78.7
98
Friends (TBS)
78.6
99
NUMB3RS (CBS)
78.5
100
AVERAGE (among 259 programs)
73.8
I am comfortable viewing this program with family.
Respondents: MALES 25-54
Top 3-Box Rating 5/6/7 on a 7 point scale (1= Strongly Disagree, 7= Strongly Agree)
PROGRAM (Network)
TOP 3 BOX %
RANK
Little People Big World (TLC)
96.3
1
Everybody Loves Raymond (TBS)
94.8
2
Walker Texas Ranger (Hallmark)
93.6
3
Hannity & Colmes (Fox News Channel)
92.5
4
The Secret Life Of... (Food Network)
92.2
5
Monk (USA)
92.0
6
SpongeBob SquarePants (Nickelodeon)
91.0
7
7th Heaven (The WB)
90.8
8
NBA Basketball (ESPN2)
89.8
9
The O'Reilly Factor (Fox News Channel)
89.3
10
Intervention (A&E)
87.3
11
NASCAR Racing (Speed Channel)
86.8
12
Trauma: Life in the ER (Discovery Health)
86.6
13
Deadliest Catch (Discovery)
86.2
14
Mega Movers (History)
85.2
15
Overhaulin' Truck (TLC)
85.0
16
Explorer (National Geographic Channel)
85.0
16
The This Old House Hour (PBS)
84.9
18
Monster Garage (Discovery)
84.5
19
One Tree Hill (The WB)
84.4
20
Law & Order: Criminal Intent (Bravo)
84.1
21
Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends (Cartoon/Adult Swim)
84.1
21
Unwrapped (Food Network)
83.9
23
The Andy Griffith Show (TV Land)
83.7
24
The West Wing (NBC)
83.4
25
That '70s Show (FX)
83.4
25
Trick My Truck (CMT)
83.2
27
Any Movie (Hallmark)
83.1
28
The Amazing Race 9 (CBS)
83.1
28
Ghost Hunters (Sci Fi)
82.9
30
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart (Comedy Central)
82.8
31
Survivor: Panama -- Exile Island (CBS)
82.5
32
CNN Presents (CNN)
82.1
33
American Idol (Fox)
81.9
34
All of Us (UPN)
81.4
35
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (Spike TV)
81.2
36
Modern Marvels (History)
81.1
37
The Planet's Funniest Animals (Animal Planet)
81.0
38
Sanford and Son (TV Land)
80.7
39
Stargate Atlantis (Sci Fi)
80.6
40
Emeril Live (Food Network)
80.4
41
Hogan Knows Best (VH1)
80.2
42
Reba (The WB)
80.2
42
NCIS (CBS)
80.2
42
Charmed (The WB)
80.1
45
Friends (TBS)
80.0
46
Stargate SG-1 (Sci Fi)
80.0
46
Miami Animal Police (Animal Planet)
80.0
46
Dallas SWAT (A&E)
79.6
49
Doctor Who (Sci Fi)
79.6
49
NBA Basketball (TNT)
78.8
51
$40-a-Day (Food Network)
78.6
52
Seinfeld (TBS)
78.6
52
Eve (UPN)
78.5
54
MLB Baseball (ESPN)
78.5
54
Good Eats (Food Network)
78.5
54
Baseball Tonight (ESPN)
78.5
54
Ghost Whisperer (CBS)
78.5
54
La Hora Pico (Univision)
78.5
54
Everwood (The WB)
78.2
60
Mystery Diagnosis (Discovery Health)
78.2
60
Law & Order (TNT)
78.1
62
Star Trek: The Next Generation (G4)
78.0
63
Forensic Files (Court TV)
77.9
64
Good Times (TV Land)
77.8
65
Top Chef (Bravo)
77.6
66
The Colbert Report (Comedy Central)
77.6
66
World Poker Tour (Travel Channel)
77.4
68
World's Most Extreme Homes (HGTV)
77.4
68
Overhaulin' (TLC)
77.3
70
Flip This House (A&E)
77.3
70
Pros vs. Joes (Spike TV)
77.3
70
NFL Live (ESPN)
77.2
73
The Apprentice (NBC)
77.2
73
NUMB3RS (CBS)
77.2
73
MythBusters (Discovery)
77.1
76
House Hunters International (HGTV)
77.1
76
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (ABC)
76.7
78
Close to Home (CBS)
76.7
78
Lost (ABC)
76.7
78
MLB Baseball (ESPN2)
76.6
81
Invasion (ABC)
76.6
81
ER (NBC)
76.4
83
The First 48 (A&E)
76.3
84
Animal Cops Detroit (Animal Planet)
76.3
84
The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy (Cartoon/Adult Swim)
76.3
84
House (Fox)
76.2
87
Animal Cops Houston (Animal Planet)
76.1
88
Deal or No Deal (NBC)
76.0
89
24 (Fox)
75.9
90
WWE Monday Night Raw (USA)
75.8
91
The Investigators (Court TV)
75.7
92
Gilmore Girls (The WB)
75.5
93
Prime News Tonight (Headline News)
75.5
93
Anderson Cooper 360 (CNN)
75.4
95
Designed to Sell (HGTV)
75.4
95
NBA Basketball (ESPN)
75.3
97
Rachael Ray's Tasty Travels (Food Network)
75.3
97
Iron Chef America (Food Network)
75.2
99
Smallville (The WB)
75.2
99
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