"Law & Order" plays Mel Gibson's race card

Friday night’s episode of NBC’s “Law & Order� opens with the following obligatory disclaimer: “The following story is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event.�

It then proceeds to relate the tale of a celebrity pulled over for drunk-driving who calls a female police officer “sugart!ts.�

We suggest the following disclaimer for future “Law & Order� episodes:

“Look, we’ve been on the air for 17 years, plus, we have a couple of spinoffs still on the air snatching salacious storylines from our grasp. Most shows run out of ideas after four or five years. Cut us some slack, willya?�

Chevy Chase gives his funniest performance in about two decades as Mitch Carroll, a washed-up entertainer (big stretch there). Through a clenched jaw that apparently serves as character development, Chevy’s Mitch spews such invective as “Are you a Jew? You’re a Jew, right? I should’ve known they’d stick me in a room with a Jew cop! I’m not talking to any Jew!� and “They suck the money out of this town so they can send it to Israel to make bombs and matzo� and “Jews are always playing the victim when all the time, I’m the one who’s been the victim.�

The big twist is that here, when Mitch (begins with “M�) is pulled over, there’s blood spattered on his clothes, blood linked to a murdered Jewish TV executive whom he had insulted (and who had subsequently blackballed him in the entertainment industry – by this episode’s reckoning, Jews pretty much do run Hollywood). At this point, the requisite plot twists implicate someone else while not quite exonerating Mitch with an “M.�

So, Mitch with an “M� does the usual damage control: “I’d like to apologize again if any of my statements hurt anyone of the Jewish faith,� he says, blaming his boozing, “which I’m getting help for,� and adding, “I’m going to be doing a lot of soul-searching. I’m going to be reaching out to a lot of my Jewish friends. … Some of my best friends are Jews.� His attorney wears a yarmulke to a hearing.

“L&O� creator Dick Wolf, in a letter accompanying the episode’s screener, writes (dictated to a lackey, no doubt), “The story may be ‘ripped from the headlines,’ but there are shocking twists and turns that are the trademark of some of the most provocative episodes of ‘Law & Order.’�

Not that shocking, actually, and certainly not that provocative. But the “ripped-from-the-headlines� aspect, in this case, at least, promises some viewer curiosity.

Look: “Law & Order� had not just a damn fine run but a virtually legendary one. But if this is how the show sees fit to garner attention these days, then maybe NBC actually is better off blanketing its airwaves with babes with briefcases.

"Law & Order:" 10 p.m. Friday on NBC (Channel 4 in L.A.).