David Kronke was appointed Mayor of Television after a bloodless coup in 2000. Since then, he has improved infrastructure, championed greater educational opportunities and fought for reforms that have utterly erased corruption and incompetence from the television industry. Since Mr. Kronke has ascended to power, Television is a far better place. Michael Richards yuks it up and other atrocities
Maybe the religious fundamentalists are right: Perhaps we are living in the End Times:
* Not even O.J. Simpson’s attorney thinks his client’s upcoming book and lurid, what-if-through-the-looking-glass-oh-who-are-we-kidding-we-all-know-the-deal-here interview with Judith Regan is a good idea. Yale Galanter told Newsweek, “I definitely would not have approved this,� and calls O.J.’s cut – well, at least O.J.’s cut – “blood money.�
The article also says: “But a Simpson family friend, who like many close to O.J. did not want to be named for fear of alienating him—says that money wasn't his only motivation. ‘He's long past caring at this point,’ the friend says. ‘I think he's saying, “You think I did it anyway, so let me make some money off of what you think.� This is just one big f--- you from him.’� What’s remarkable about this is that someone actually doesn’t want to alienate O.J.
Some affiliates are opting out on the ritual blood-letting, as well. Borders bookstore chain has announced it will donate all profits received from the book to victims of domestic violence.
And Judith Regan, no doubt, is trying to see if she can one-up – or is it one-down? – herself and land a book deal with Osama bin Laden.
* Meanwhile, a week before the Laugh Factory opens its doors to the homeless and indigent for a Thanksgiving meal and a day of altruistic goodwill, Michael Richards – who until this weekend would forever and always be known “Kramer� – launched a fusillade of racist invective at hecklers while performing onstage at the West-Hollywood comedy club.
Jerry Seinfeld didn’t exactly stick up for his co-star: “I am sick over this. I'm sure Michael is also sick over this horrible, horrible mistake. It is so extremely offensive. I feel terrible for all the people who have been hurt.� Here’s guessing Richards won’t be among the comics performing gratis on Thursday.
But think of the ratings gold if Fox had had Richards interview O.J. instead of Regan.
* Whew. After all that debasement, this entry seems kind of classy: Mark Burnett and CBS are looking for bloodthirsty scoundrels with eyepatches, hooks on their hands and parrots on their shoulders to appear in Burnett’s latest reality extravaganza, “Pirates,� or, “Survivor on a Boat:�
“‘Pirates’ will enlist 16 contestants to set sail on the high seas and embark on expeditions that will take them through dense jungles, down precipitous voids, and across troubled rivers in search for hidden treasure. The series will span 14 episodes and conclude with the discovery of the final treasure from a prize pool worth one million dollars. Filming is set to begin in March 2007 and will continue for up to 40 days.�
If no cannibalism is involved, it’ll just be further proof that “reality� TV really isn’t real. Meanwhile, these are the sort of pirates that should be getting a TV show.
* Press Release of the Day comes from Versus, a testosterone-themed cable channel Your Mayor had not even heard of until now. Anyhow, it’s touting former football great Larry Csonka hosting “a monthlong celebration� entitled “Hunting for the Holidays:� “From Stalking Stuffers to Camo in the Kitchen.�
“Do duck and deer calls ignite more of the holiday spirit than carolers at your door?� the release asks. (Honestly, does it have to be either-or?) Because after all, nothing pays greater homage to the Prince of Peace than shooting animals.
(Fun fact: Your Mayor, benificent soul that he is, was helping out at one of the Laugh Factory's holiday meals a few years ago. Jennifer Aniston came in, took the position adjacent to mine (cranberries or mashed potatoes? no idea; as I said, this was quite a few years back), ladled out foodstuffs for as long as the TV cameras were there - say, six, seven minutes tops - and then disappeared.)
Finally: No cheerleaders were saved – or, for that matter, harmed – in the creation of this blog entry.
Comments
Cannibalism? Ha ... sure, if it aired on Fox. But seriously, if they don't have at least one bout of scurvy, I'm not watching.
Posted by: B-Two | November 20, 2006 4:17 PM
Betcha Michael Richards blames alcohol and enters rehab within 3 days. It seems to be the fashion these days.
Posted by: Suzy Q | November 20, 2006 4:35 PM