Was someone jerky to you? Sue 'em!

Kyle Doss and Frank McBride, Michael Richards’ hecklers, tell “Access Hollywood� they want – well, something – from him for – um, their pain and suffering. To that end, they’ve secured the services of Gloria Allred.

From the story:

“‘It is not enough to go on television and say ‘I’m sorry,’� Allred said. “We are issuing a challenge to Michael Richards.�

“That challenge would require Richards to meet face-to-face with Doss and McBride in front of a judge. So far, no lawsuit has been filed.

“‘We want the retired judge to make a recommendation on how much Michael Richards should pay to compensate our clients,� added Allred.

“And if Richards refuses?

“‘Then he will have to bear the consequences of whatever comes next,� she said.�

Honestly, I didn’t know you could sue someone simply for being an @$$hole. If she actually wins that argument in court and sets a new legal precedent, Allred herself could wind up the target of a few lawsuits.

As indefensible as Richards' behavior is, it seems that a court of law is the one place where it is defensible. He didn't actually lay a hand on the guys, and there is this thing called the First Amendment which protects even the most appallingly stupid speech.

But this begs the question: I saw Carrot Top perform once; can I sue him for my pain and suffering?

Besides, isn't helping utterly quash a career satisfaction enough?

Plus, you’ll be relieved to hear that Richards is an equal-opportunity hater: He has launched anti-Semitic tirades onstage, but on those occasions no one had a cell phone with a camera.