The war on abstinence

'Tis the season ... for carnal activity.

Anti-war activists have declared today another cry – of pleasure – for peace. And yes, before you yawn with disinterest, let us clarify: Today’s edict “is for people around the globe to have an orgasm on December 22 and to focus their moments of pleasure on world peace.�

The goal is to end the war in Iraq by "effect(ing) positive change in the energy field of the Earth through input of the largest possible surge of human energy, a Synchronized Global Orgasm.� To put it another way: That’s obviously not a gun in your pocket, but you’re still glad to see me?

(Imagine the greeting card: "Thinking of you on Global Orgasm Day!" Get to it, Hallmark!)

"The orgasm gives out an incredible feeling of peace during it and after it," co-conspirator in this cause, Paul Reffell, tells his interviewer. "Your mind is like a blank. It's like a meditative state. And mass meditations have been shown to make a change."

Well, the mind being a blank certainly resonates when considering this as a form of protest. But it certainly redefines the concept of getting a peace.

Reffell’s fellow anti-war spokesunit Donna Sheehan explains, "The combination of high-energy orgasmic energy combined with mindful intention may have a much greater effect than previous mass meditations and prayers."

Certainly, you hate to think of anti-war activists as lunatics, but, well … Just think if the Bush Administration had thought up co-opting orgasms to sell its war of choice in Iraq. Then maybe his approval rating wouldn't be so low.

They even have a poster gal for their campaign: Lynndie England. Hmmmm... Maybe that wouldn't’ve worked, after all.

But let me get this straight: While approaching the big kablooey, all participants are supposed to think about the war in Iraq? Wouldn't that sort of keep people from sealing the deal? And, then, if no one actually succeeds in their goal because their minds are filled with mental images of mangled corpses, then all that work is for naught, right? And if you do actually manage to achieve lift-off with such thoughts clouding your mind, doesn't that make you a little, uh, sick? I'm so confused.