ABC plays it safe

ABC announced today that just about every show on its air that isn’t absolutely tanking (or, at least, doesn’t cost much to produce) will return next season.

In addition to “Lost,” “Grey’s Anatomy,” “Desperate Housewives,” “Dancing with the Stars,” “Boston Legal,” “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” and “The Bachelor,” ABC also renewed “Ugly Betty” and “Brothers & Sisters.” And, for some reason, “Men in Trees,” even though that show fumbles away most of its “Grey’s Anatomy” audience – even that critic’s punching bag “October Road” did better in its debut in the timeslot than “Men/Trees” has ever done.

“Jimmy Kimmel Live” will retain its late-night timeslot. “America’s Funniest Home Videos,” “Supernanny” and “Wife Swap” will also return.

Firing up the old press-release-style-enthusiasm-muted-by-corporatese-language generator, McPherson approved a quote that had him declaring, “We have had a strong year, with two of the season’s breakout hits, ‘Ugly Betty’ and ‘Brothers & Sisters,’ and the solid performance of ‘Men in Trees.’ We are pleased that viewers have invested in these new favorites along with our other returning series. These shows provide us with a substantial foundation to make ’07-’08 our best schedule yet.”

(Emphasis mine, but I just thought it might make you go “Awww…” that way, underscoring the touchingly blind, even misguided, faith McPherson has for any schedule that would include “Wife Swap” and “Men in Trees.”)

This feels like a network that’s not so much interested in improving than in simply not failing even more. Other networks (particularly NBC) in recent years have replaced bubble shows (“Boomtown,” “Law & Order: Another Spinoff”) with shows that did markedly worse in the ratings. So ABC’s conceding, essentially, that their development slate doesn’t have anything better than “Men in Trees” or “The Bachelor.”

Also interesting are the ABC shows not on the list – any of the comedies and “What About Brian,” its pallid Monday-night melodrama. None of those shows deserve renewal, though ABC learned this year you can’t expect a brand-new sitcom to automatically create an audience, so if they want to keep comedy on their schedule, they’ll probably have to retain at least “George Lopez.”

Will Stephen McPherson be the man to finally pound a stake through “According to Jim’s” heart? If so, sir, I will forgive you "Men in Trees."