David Kronke was appointed Mayor of Television after a bloodless coup in 2000. Since then, he has improved infrastructure, championed greater educational opportunities and fought for reforms that have utterly erased corruption and incompetence from the television industry. Since Mr. Kronke has ascended to power, Television is a far better place. “Children of Sanjaya”
When “Children of Men” was released last Christmas, critics immediately hailed it as one of the year’s best films, and perhaps one of its most prescient.
They had no idea.
Riffling through the extra features on my “Children of Men” DVD, I viewed the “Alternate Takes” section, only to find these scenes that might’ve made the film all the more chillingly relevant:
There’s a different version of the film’s opening scene, in which Clive Owen buys a coffee amidst a stricken group sadly eyeing the shop’s TV monitors, which is issuing this report:
“Our lead story: The world was stunned today by the death of Sanjaya Malakar, the Least Talented Human on the Planet. Sanjaya was stabbed outside of Buenos Aires after refusing to sign an autograph. Witnesses say Sanjaya spat in the face of a fan who asked for an autograph. He was killed in the ensuing brawl. The fan was later beaten to death by the angry crowd. Sanjaya struggled all of his life with the celebrity status thrust upon him as the Least Talented Human on the Planet.”
A later scene shows saddened fans in thrall to their computer screens as they watch former teen fans of Sanjaya pouring bouquet upon bouquet of flowers at makeshift shrines throughout the world, as a newsreader intones:
“Throughout his life, Sanjaya Malakar was a tragic reminder of the 18 years of utter talentlessness that humanity has endured, and its effect upon the world we now live in. It seems that the mantle of the World’s Least Talented Human has been passed to Jim Belushi, a one-time situation-comedy star living in Encino, California.”
An even later outtake shows Clive Owen meeting a woman who had appeared on the reality series “Flavor of Love,” and is pregnant with a child by Flavor Flav, a child who could just become the new Least Talented Human on the Planet.
The DVD also offers an unreleased version of the Jarvis Cocker song that ended the film, “Running the World:”
“Well did you hear there’s a bullsh!t show, ‘Idol’
Where the cutest end up with the most votes
Paula claims cream always rises up to the top
Well I say – sh!t floats
“That’s the way, don’t you know
From the guys that’s still running the show
Let’s be perfectly clear boys and girls
Seacrest’s still running the world
Seacrest’s still running the world
“Ah, it stinks
Yeah, it sucks
It’s musicologically unjust
The voters by talent aren’t fussed
So Seacrest’s still running the world
Seacrest’s still running the world.
"If you text-vote it’s perfectly natural
You’ll get to elevate some kind of dummy.
It’s the ideal way to order the world
F@&# the talent – does it make any money?
And if you don’t like it, then leave,
Or use your right to protest in the streets,
Yeah, use your right, but don’t imagine that it’s heard
Not while Seacrest’s still running the world
Seacrest’s still running the world
Seacrest’s still running the world
Seacrest’s still running the world.”
(end with big piano chord)
Get your copy of “Children of Men” today!
Comments
http://www.hollywoodsquared.com/videos/thank-you-sanjaya/
Keep your stick on the ice Sanjaya.
Posted by: Sweatband man | April 20, 2007 12:18 PM
Sadly, this ridiculous kid will probably make more money this year than I do. Not that I have any talent, either, but at least I know it.
Posted by: Suzy Q | April 22, 2007 3:20 PM