David Kronke was appointed Mayor of Television after a bloodless coup in 2000. Since then, he has improved infrastructure, championed greater educational opportunities and fought for reforms that have utterly erased corruption and incompetence from the television industry. Since Mr. Kronke has ascended to power, Television is a far better place. Those crusading bullies Laurie David and Sheryl Crow
Although Rich Little’s performance at the White House Correspondents Dinner absolutely killed (off the very concept of humor forever), all anyone could talk about afterwards was the showdown over global warming between Karl Rove and those West-Coast hippies Laurie David and Sheryl Crow.
David reported that Rove became immediately hostile when the subject was broached and snapped at Crow when she touched his arm. Rove, who took offense to being touched by such a plebe as Crowe, sniffed afterwards of David to the Washington Post, "She came over to insult me and she succeeded." We hope that in the future, a fragile flower such as Rove will never have to experience anything unpleasant ever again.
But Rove is correct: David and Crow are crusading do-gooders who will stop at nothing to force their polemical concerns upon the proper authorities, even if those proper authorities don’t want to hear any of it. At a recent event celebrating 25 years of celebrating 35 years of celebrating Television Pratfalls, the two altruistic harridans button-holed me, Your Mayor, on what they perceived as my reluctance to take a firmer stand on ridding the airwaves of the dehumanizing forces of reality television.
From David and Crow’s blog at the time:
“We asked The Mayor if he would consider taking a fresh look at the dismal social impact of reality television. Much to our dismay, he immediately got combative. And it went downhill from there.
“We reminded the Mayor of Television that the US leads the world in crass reality television programming and we are doing the least about it. Anger flaring, The Mayor immediately regurgitated his official position on reality television, asking us if we had ever seen any of those clips from Japanese television on YouTube, all of which are far more demeaning than even something as soul-wrenching as ‘The Hills.’
“We felt compelled to remind him that that doesn’t excuse the Good People of Television from exercising a modicum of restraint and responsibility. The Mayor exploded with even more venom. Like a spoiled child throwing a tantrum, The Mayor launched into a series of illogical arguments regarding Japan not doing enough thus neither should we. (Since when do we follow Japan’s lead?)
“In his attempt to dismiss us, The Mayor turned to head toward his table, but as soon as he did so, Sheryl reached out to touch his arm. He swung around and spat, ‘Don't touch me.’ How hardened and removed from reality must a person be to refuse to be touched by Sheryl Crow? Unfazed, Sheryl abruptly responded, ‘You can't speak to us like that, you work for us.’ The Mayor then quipped, ‘I don't work for you, I work for the People of Television.’ To which Sheryl promptly reminded him, ‘We are the People of Television.’
At that point Mr. Rove apparently decided he had had enough. Like a groundhog fearful of his own shadow, he sneered to her, ‘I should hardly think writhing about in music videos on MTV2 would count as Television,’ and scurried to his table in an attempt to hibernate for another year from his responsibility to address the scourge of reality television.”
So, Karl, I’m feeling your pain. If you need to commiserate, don’t hesitate to call. Perhaps we can cook up a reality show behind the scenes at the nation’s biggest polluter!