David Kronke was appointed Mayor of Television after a bloodless coup in 2000. Since then, he has improved infrastructure, championed greater educational opportunities and fought for reforms that have utterly erased corruption and incompetence from the television industry. Since Mr. Kronke has ascended to power, Television is a far better place. What Stephen Colbert tastes like
Finally, Your Mayor was able to locate a pint of Stephen Colbert’s Ben & Jerry’s new ice-cream flavor, AmeriCone Dream. Herewith, the culinary review:
“(After) particularly delicious morsels of grilled yellowtail collar, stewed radish and sticks of plum-flavored mountain yam, it’s a good thing I ordered extra sardine burgers. … Arrangements of gooey octopus sashimi popping up after ramekins of roughly chopped Spanish mackerel, bowls of room-temperature egg custard topped with sea-urchin gonads preceding chilly bowls of house-made tofu slicked with sweet miso paste, yakiniku skewers of grilled tongue coming simultaneously with a plate of braised tongue in brown sauce that could have been served at any tapas bar in Spain, but always — almost always — a bowl of ochazuke, brothy rice, at the end. … There were slices of marinated squid liver, which came as a surprise to everyone at the table — I have cleaned a lot of squid in my life, but I never knew that squids even had livers, much less livers the color, texture and very particular flavor of raw calves’ liver. This must have been a very large squid. I liked the cream cheese flavored with bonito, even when I found out the flavoring was actually fermented bonito intestines.”
Oh, sorry – that’s from a review by the LA Weekly’s Pulitzer Prize-winning restaurant critic Jonathan Gold. My bad.
Colbert’s ice cream is perfectly serviceable, though (perhaps appropriately) somewhat vanilla. Plenty of waffle cone in the mix, curled just like that ear of his, but when it comes to caramel, Colbert is pretty conservative. Ben & Jerry’s Karamel Sutra offers a more liberal dose of the flavor, and is a lot tastier for those interested in a more apolitical dessert.
But those interested in the Stephen Colbert Experience should consult this site to find where Colbert can be found selling himself out in your nation’s grocers’ freezers.