David Kronke was appointed Mayor of Television after a bloodless coup in 2000. Since then, he has improved infrastructure, championed greater educational opportunities and fought for reforms that have utterly erased corruption and incompetence from the television industry. Since Mr. Kronke has ascended to power, Television is a far better place. Why does Time Warner Hate America? Part Deux
Clearly, the funniest thing about “Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters,” the cheeky, no-budget theatrical spin-off of Adult Swim’s cheeky, no-budget cartoon about crime-fighting fast foods, is envisioning the uninitiated having to sit through the thing.
Heretofore, I had expected that the funniest thing the movie had to offer was the fact that it shut down the city of Boston back in late January with a series of viral-marketing Lite-Brite boards featuring a Mooninite (a supporting character from the show that looks like an ’80s Atari video game avatar) flipping the bird.
But now, having seen the film and having gauged critical reaction at rottentomatoes.com, which measures an almost spastic reaction to the film between fans (“Narrative's beside the point in a movie created by two guys who gorge on pop culture's high-fat diet and regurgitate it into something approaching . . . art? Close enough.” – Village Voice) and deep-seated haters (“If George W Bush could prove that Saddam Hussein had funded this movie I would reverse my stance on the Iraq War and say that every single civilian casualty was justified.” – Chud.com), I can safely say that were someone to make a documentary about people who knew nothing about Adult Swim who somehow got suckered into seeing this movie, the character arcs from bewilderment to irritation to outright outrage would be absolutely hilarious. I suspect the film’s creators, Matt Maiellaro and Dave Willis, understand this as well, and probably would even invite such a film. Which makes them – what? – anarchic artists or utter @ssholes?
(For the record, the Daily News’ Bob Strauss hated the thing. Also for the record, rottentomatoes.com would be a much better gauge of critical reception to films were it to figure out how to cope with critics’ shrugs to movies: A lot of 2-and-a-half-star reviews are deemed positive assessments, but then, a lot of them are also considered negative. Why not create a middle ground reflecting the reviewers’ true, neither-here-nor-there feelings?)
“Adult Teen Hunger Force Colon Etc. Etc.” opens with a vaguely amusing parody of those old-fashioned, “Let’s-all-go-to-the-lobby” movie-theater ads featuring cheerful singing movie-lobby snacks, then turns into an ominous speed-metal rant, virulently scolding all manner of stupid behavior patrons in movie theaters participate in these days. “If you don’t understand, you should not be here,” rancid snacks bellow. Which means, in this case, most people should not be there, but too late – we’ve already got your money, the punkified snacks taunt.
From there, the film launches into an overblown episode of the TV series, which is dispensed on Adult Swim in agreeable 15-minute bites. 85 minutes of such random tripe will probably feel like too much, even to fans of the show; the film, for those who care, concerns an evil home-exercise machine hellbent on destroying society or, at least, New Jersey. Our heroes – Frylock, a supersized box of French fries who, were he as smart as he seems, would’ve abandoned his compatriots long ago; Master Shake, a vein-ossifying beverage whose idiocy is outweighed only by his arrogance; and Meatwad, a lovably dim-witted parcel of no-doubt-tainted protein – give battle.
The show’s favorite villains all make appearances, and there’s a ludicrously convoluted “origin” sequence that calls into question the sanity of every single comic-book movie that’s ever been made. Truth be told, a lot of critics sited at rottentomatoes.com got it right: This is something that is pretty funny in 15-minute chunks; not so much at 85 minutes.
Laughs are sprinkled here and there; it’s a smidgen gorier than Adult Swim might consider managing, and there’s a lot of swearing that wouldn’t cut the mustard (another fast-food staple!) on basic cable; hence, its R rating. But dirty words only induce a certain element of the show’s audience (read: 14-year-old boys) to laugh. In the end, “Aqua Teen Hunger Force with Lots of Extraneous Wording to Follow” isn’t nearly as transgressive as it needs to be to justify forking over the Hamiltons required to sit in an auditorium filled with stoned philistines.