Bob Barker: Clumsy contestants, mad models
Friday brings Bob Barker’s last episode of “The Price is Right,” an event that might just be, for a certain breed of TV viewer, just as epochal as Sunday’s series finale of “The Sopranos.” (Some people like to see goombahs getting whacked; others like to watch Plinko.)
You see the sense of history being made in the crowd, which can barely bring itself under control long enough for the contestants to play the games. You see it in the contestants, some of who are hysterical to the point of hyperventilation (one guy tumbles down the aisle on his way to Contestants’ Row; another takes a header while spinning the Big Wheel). They’re blitheringly inarticulate when gushing to Bob. (One contestant waited in line for five days to witness the final taping, and what does he get for his troubles? He may be the only contestant who had a chance to win a car but didn’t.)
Where you don’t see it is in Barker himself – ever the pro, he soldiers on, delivering his mild little quips amidst the hoopla, forwarding the momentum of the show when fan hysteria threatens to slow the pace. Even the farewell is snappily perfunctory – Bob thanks his fans for their longtime support in two sentences, then makes his usual plea for viewers to spay or neuter their pets, then waves, smiling, to the audience while credits roll for a seemingly interminable amount of time. The announcer gives Bob a hug, but none of Barker’s Beauties do.
Which may be telling – if you want to maintain a positive opinion of Barker, then by no means read this piece, which speculates that he may have been forced into retiring after a weary CBS saw one too many lawsuits filed against the show.
It’s one of those artfully concocted articles that mix solid quotes about peripheral topics with blind quotes, hearsay and speculation when addressing its core concern. You’d almost think the author had a vendetta against Barker after Bob got the guy’s puppy mill shut down.
There are two kinds of “Price is Right” models: Those who sue Barker for sexual harassment (usually after they’re cut loose by the show) and those who don’t. Clearly, Bob’s left some very angry women in his wake (the best line in the above story can’t, unfortunately, be reproduced here, but it has to do with one exasperated Barker’s Beauty drawing a line in the sand as to the number of ways she would gratify him). But one imagines that it’s a very curious thing, to get a job solely on the basis of one’s pulchritude (that, and the ability to gracefully glide one’s hand across the hull of a speedboat) and the sort of beauty demanded by television has a shelf life, so it’s not a gig that anyone’d wring a half-century career out of, as Barker did with his.
Anyway, CBS should’ve considered, for Barker’s swan song, to add a touch of class to the proceedings and jettison the "promotional consideration" from the anti-fart elixir with the lyrical slogan: “I’ll take Beano before and there’ll be no gas.”
Oh – and Barker’s microphone is closing in on $20,000 on eBay.
- “The Price is Right:” 11 a.m. EST/10 a.m. PCT Friday; also 8 p.m. Friday, CBS (Channel 2).
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About this blog
David Kronke was appointed Mayor of Television after a bloodless coup in 2000. Since then, he has improved infrastructure, championed greater educational opportunities and fought for reforms that have utterly erased corruption and incompetence from the television industry. Since Mr. Kronke has ascended to power, Television is a far better place.
Bob was, indeed, the Hugh Hefner of game shows.
But, the greater crime is that that stupid-ass game show has been on for 35 fucking years!