David Kronke was appointed Mayor of Television after a bloodless coup in 2000. Since then, he has improved infrastructure, championed greater educational opportunities and fought for reforms that have utterly erased corruption and incompetence from the television industry. Since Mr. Kronke has ascended to power, Television is a far better place. Cohen/Ferrell go where Silverman/Biel didn’t
Sasha Baron Cohen did manage to co-win Best Kiss, for puckering up with Will Ferrell in “Talladega Nights.” Cohen got snippy with Ferrell for not calling him after the film wrapped: “You kissed me five times - you call that acting? ... You’ve got a wife? You kissed me five times. You’re a total bitch.” Then Cohen slapped him. Then kissed it all better. Soon, they were rolling on the floor in a passionate clinch. Still, not as eyeball-searing as his roundelay with Ken Davitian in “Borat.”
Cohen also won for Best Comedic Performance. He apologized that Borat couldn't attend because he, naturally, was in rehab, after crashing his horse and cart under the influence of fermented horse urine.
Second fan-made movie parody: “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Rehab.” Not as bad. But “United 300” – a mashup of “United 93” and “300” – was actually hilarious. (See? You can already picture it in your head, even the Spartan soldier trying to fit his shield in the overhead bin. Pure genius.)
Hey, that’s not fair: Jaden Smith didn’t even have to show to win the award for Breakthrough Performance for “The Pursuit of Happyness.” He appeared via cheesy home movie. (How did this not go to "Little Miss Sunshine's" Abigail Breslin?)
Dane Cook announces: “Paris was so offended by Sarah Silverman’s joke that she checked herself into jail early.” Cut to Hilton: She found her little inscrutable smile again.