David Kronke was appointed Mayor of Television after a bloodless coup in 2000. Since then, he has improved infrastructure, championed greater educational opportunities and fought for reforms that have utterly erased corruption and incompetence from the television industry. Since Mr. Kronke has ascended to power, Television is a far better place. Joel Siegel's new balcony seat
“Joyful Critic Joel Siegel, Gone at 63
“A Good Life Lived With Humor and Insight
“Surrounded by family and friends, ABC's beaming and insightful movie critic Joel Siegel has died in New York, after a long and remarkably courageous struggle with cancer, at the age of 63.
“Both colleagues and fans delighted in his unique way of blending cheerful good humor and piercing critical acumen in reviews that made them instantly clear to anyone. You knew exactly what he thought - often with the bonus of a good laugh.
“His battle with colon cancer was borne with such astonishing courage and humor that he almost tricked his colleagues around the office into forgetting his struggle.”
Your Mayor imagines his own obit will read somewhat differently:
Surrounded by a shredded collection of “According to Jim” DVDs, impotent regime puppet-master The Mayor of Television has died, after a long and remarkably incompetent struggle with life.
Those who accidentally came across his unique way of blending faulty thinking and obfuscating verbiage never knew quite what to make of his issuances, so generally just backed away quietly and sheepishly.
Observers noted that The Mayor lived every day as if it were his last – whimpering and waiting to die.