Become famous, already

“Don’t Forget the Lyrics” will look at and listen to you Thursday between 4 and 8 pm. at Jillians, 1000 Universal Studios Blvd., Universal City. If you’re enough of a train wreck, they might even put you on the TeeVee.

If humiliating yourself isn’t the way you want to go to achieve international stardom, you might want to direct a short horror film and send it to chillertv.com. Contest starts tomorrow; entries will be online from Sept. 5-21; voting thereafter; winners announced on Halloween. Winners in the categories of Best Picture, Creepiest Character and Scariest Special Effects will win $5,000 each. But don’t bother with Creepiest Character: I’m submitting C-Span footage of Alberto Gonzalez testifying – or whatever it is he was doing – before the Senate. Surefire winner.