“High School Musical’s” new mathlete

… would be me. I’ve been running the numbers, and if the Disney Channel’s original movie (a sequel will premiere next month) is not the most phenomenally profitable piece of entertainment in history, I’d be interested in finding out what is.

The show is currently being licensed to theater groups (both professional and high-school) for live productions across America. The licensing fee generally runs somewhere between $500 and $2,300, depending on the size of the theater and the number of performances. Disney expects that there will be 2,000 licensed productions through the end of this year. Using the conservative estimate that the average licensing fee is $1,000, there’s $2 million in found money off the bat. (Barbara Kopple – a two-time Oscar winner, mind you – has made a documentary about a couple of Texas high schools mounting productions of the musical; it, too, will debut next month on Disney Channel).

The film cost $4.2 million to produce. It has been seen by 160,000,000 people worldwide, which is 50,000,000 more than watched the final episode of “M*A*S*H” (unfair and completely misleading comparison, since those “M*A*S*H” viewers all watched on one night, while the “H*S*M” viewers have accrued over a year and a half, but still, that’s a huge stinkin’ number – no other recent film or TV show has been seen by that many people).

Last November, Disney said it had made more than $100 million off the movie, and that’s not counting the ancillary merchandizing – the toys and games and books and touring production and other things (cast member Ashley Tisdale says she’s heard tale of “High School Musical” underwear – “It’s weird to think of people wearing you,” she says – while Kenny Ortega, the film’s director, has gotten wind of “High School Musical” wallpaper – fans can convert their bedrooms to one of the movie’s iconic sets; coming soon (no fooling): “High School Musical On Ice!”) have amassed another $600 million in profits. And it’s not over yet: After next month’s movie, there’s talk of a third film to play theatrically.

Which means that Disney has earned a staggering 166 and 2/3rds times more than its initial investment. On something even its stars admit they initially dismissed as a simple made-for-cable TV movie. Warren Buffett and Berkshire Hathaway can’t even get a return like that.

No jokes here, really. It’s just that – damn, that’s just a lot of money for a thing like that to have made.