David Kronke was appointed Mayor of Television after a bloodless coup in 2000. Since then, he has improved infrastructure, championed greater educational opportunities and fought for reforms that have utterly erased corruption and incompetence from the television industry. Since Mr. Kronke has ascended to power, Television is a far better place. "Dancing" with some "Stars"
TMZ took a breather from its usual celebrity-baiting to unveil the new list of “stars” who’ll be competing on ABC’s “Dancing with the Stars” this fall, and if they’re correct, the show’s actually inching toward luring real celebrities – or, at least, getting B- and C-list people rather than C- and D-listers.
Most bewildering/intriguing addition: Billionaire tech guru and Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban, whom you’d think’d have better ways of spending his time. On the other hand, since he put a moratorium on kvetching about NBA referees on his provocative personal blog, maybe this’ll give him a new group of refs over whom to get livid.
Cuban, you may recall, hosted a short-lived ABC reality show, “The Benefactor,” that was kind of an “Apprentice” knockoff. So “Dancing with the Stars” is the reality version of ABC’s “Private Practice,” which hired a bunch of people who used to headline their own shows – Tim Daly, Amy Brenneman, Taye Diggs – as supporting players in an ensemble cast.
And Cuban will be competing against:
* Vegas crooner Wayne Newton (many years ago, Your Mayor ran the overnight shift for an automated easy-listening radio station; my job consisted of making sure the music reels didn’t run out and, every 15 minutes or so, burbling some insipid folderol like, “For those beautiful moments, add the easy-listening sounds of 104.1 FM!” Invariably, around 3 or 4 in the morning, I’d get a call from a drunk woman requesting that I play “some Danke Schoen music.” So if she’s still alive, you know who she’ll be pulling for in this competition.)
* Aaron Carter, washed up at such an early age
* Erstwhile “Medicine Woman” Jane Seymour
* Tori Spelling, whose own reality show must not be humiliating enough
* Jennie Garth, who, after suffering a legion of indignities as Kelly on “Beverly Hills, 90210,” can’t really embarrass herself any further
* Boxer Floyd Mayweather, Jr.
* Erstwhile “Hulk” Lou Ferrigno
* Nia Peeples, who never really quite got big enough to become washed up
* TeeVee journalist Richard Quest, whose CNN bio touts his “dynamic and distinctive style”
* Model/former Leo squeeze Gisele Bundchen
* Indie racer Helio Castroneves
* Sabrina Bryan, the youngest contestant and, as a star of the Disney Channel’s “Cheetah Girls” movies, one with actual dancing experience (though, reportedly, Mark Cuban made money while in college teaching disco-dancing)
Yeah, yeah, I know: Slow news day.