Zen and the Art of Cyber-World Maintenance

Now that you’ve spent yet another grueling week at work, how does it feel to suddenly discover that you may, in fact, not exist; that you may possibly just be another random avatar in some computer geek’s sadistic cyber world?

Doesn’t really make all that effort seem like it’s worth it, does it?

Per John Tierney of the New York Times:

“Until I talked to Nick Bostrom, a philosopher at Oxford University, it never occurred to me that our universe might be somebody else’s hobby. I hadn’t imagined that the omniscient, omnipotent creator of the heavens and earth could be an advanced version of a guy who spends his weekends building model railroads or overseeing video-game worlds like the Sims.

“But now it seems quite possible. In fact, if you accept a pretty reasonable assumption of Dr. Bostrom’s, it is almost a mathematical certainty that we are living in someone else’s computer simulation.”

[snip]

“Dr. Bostrom assumes that technological advances could produce a computer with more processing power than all the brains in the world, and that advanced humans, or “posthumans,” could run “ancestor simulations” of their evolutionary history by creating virtual worlds inhabited by virtual people with fully developed virtual nervous systems.

“Some computer experts have projected, based on trends in processing power, that we will have such a computer by the middle of this century …”

[snip]

“‘My gut feeling, and it’s nothing more than that,’ (Bostrom) says, ‘is that there’s a 20 percent chance we’re living in a computer simulation.’”

Well, that’s enough to drain one of the will to live – er, occupy bandwidth – the notion that we’re nothing more than the deterministic pawns of some cyber-nerd bored enough to cook up West Nile virus, rehabbing celebutards, bobble-head-doll collectors, “The Legend of Bagger Vance,” the Foucault pendulum, American Apparel advertisements, chickpeas and Comedy Central roasts of Flavor Flav.

It blew Keith Olbermann’s mind, too (scroll to the bottom), and so he discussed it with philosophy professor William Irwin:

“OLBERMANN: The classic answer from Descartes to the question of existence, I think therefore I am, perhaps more correctly stated as, a guy clicks a mouse, therefore I am. … Like a super advanced version of the SIMS.

[snip]

“IRWIN: [T]here are three possibilities really. That technologically mature societies go extinct before they reach the stage of being able to produce these kinds of things, in which case nuclear holocaust, that sort of thing. Or, second option, that they simply wouldn‘t do this or would find it boring or ethically troublesome.

“OLBERMANN: Like that has ever stopped science before.

“IRWIN: Unlikely. I would put that as a low probability. The third one is that they would get to this point in this technology and then, perhaps, they would make these worlds. If there were a billion people in such a world, each of whom is running a virtual world with people in it, say a billion people, it becomes a billion to one shot that you are one of the people in the real world.

[snip]

“OLBERMANN: Is human existence a research experiment? A video game? Is somebody winning? Is there a high score?

“IRWIN: Who knows. But, in any case, we are not the players in it if this scenario holds true. We are simply being played. We are the pawns in chess, if you will. Who knows what the point of the game is? Someone‘s science experiment, someone‘s hobby, whatever the case might be.

“OLBERMANN: One of my favorite jokes has always been there‘s evidence that there is a god, but there is just as much evidence that it's clearly a part-time job. That would explain everything. Even if this is a research project somewhere, the guy goes home at night and it could be a million years in between visits. Right?

“IRWIN: It makes a lot of sense when you think about it. The classic question in philosophy is how could this world be the product of an all knowing, all loving, all powerful god? It takes a lot of faith to believe that. However, if this world is simply a virtual simulation, maybe it is run by a fourth grader who has forgot about it or a part-time creator.

“It begins to explain what? Deadly hurricanes, cancer, the Lindsay Lohan scenario and the on going popularity of ‘American Idol.’”

Not to be outdone, Anthony Zuiker has decided to turn his show “CSI: New York” into a virtual game in the online digital village Second Life. Ellen Gray of the Philadelphia Daily News (home of our favorite terrorist-loving lunatic) (but don’t worry; Ellen’s cool) reports that Zuiker’s creating an episode in which Gary Sinise’s character “will download an avatar and chase a killer into the virtual-world community.”

"What you'll see is Gary Sinise's avatar be downloaded . . . He'll walk and he'll fly," Zuiker told Gray.

And then, you’ll be able to go to Second Life and help solve murders yourself:

“(T)here's a Zuiker Blog, where you can go in and see a dead body and then give your opinion about what happened to the body, and then I'll rank, 1 through 10, the Top 10 people,” Zuiker, whom you think would have plenty to do, seeing as he already oversees three hourlong TV dramas, declared.

So, now you can spend your weekend pondering whether your miserable existence even exists. Have a good time! – oh, why am I even bothering talking to you? You may not even be you.