David Kronke was appointed Mayor of Television after a bloodless coup in 2000. Since then, he has improved infrastructure, championed greater educational opportunities and fought for reforms that have utterly erased corruption and incompetence from the television industry. Since Mr. Kronke has ascended to power, Television is a far better place. Famous people work for CBS, not just enslaved kids
As Us Magazine might enthuse, Stars! They’re just like us! Except, of course, they appear on the TeeVee and are famous and we don’t and aren’t! So, really, they’re nothing like us except for the biped and opposable-thumb things.
CBS wants you to know that people you may have heard of will be appearing on some of their returning shows. So they have passed along this information to me, so that I can act as a conduit and provide you with the particulars of these exciting developments.
Which I do, even though the network has confirmed that it will not be providing advance screeners of “Kid Nation.” Apparently, CBS believes the show’s dubious, possibly illegal but certainly unethical back story would poison reviewers and therefore they wouldn’t be able to catch a break, so they’ll just ride that well-oiled publicity machine of contempt and outcry and wager that no legal authority will be able to figure out who, specifically, should be incarcerated – make that, put in a fun, maximum-security summer camp with a lot of menacingly brawny men with tattoos – for creating such runaway entertainment.
So, where were we? Oh, right – the CBS shows that didn’t endanger children have some cast changes. And I’m cobbling this fact into a blog entry.
Well, we already told you about Joe Mantegna replacing persnickety Mandy Patinkin on “Criminal Minds,” so never mind.
Jay Mohr, a comic actor who had an edge once upon a time (he starred in “Action,” remember? No? Well, he did), has joined the cast of “Ghost Whisperer,” per the press release, “playing Professor Payne who provides an encyclopedic knowledge of the spirit world, as well as genuine concern for Melinda’s (Jennifer Love Hewitt) safety as she puts herself in ever greater danger to protect those she cares about — even though he hides his concern behind an ever-present irreverent sense of humor.” Because that’s what I associate with “Ghost Whisperer” – an ever-present irreverent sense of humor.
Kevin Pollak, who does the best William Shatner imitation going, will no doubt allow that talent to lie dormant and ossify when he joins the cast of “Shark” in the recurring role of James Woods’ new boss, the new D.A.
Remember Henry Thomas? Adorable little Elliot in “E.T.?” Well, having peaked so early in his career has sent him over to the dark side, so he’ll be playing a villain on “Without a Trace:” Specifically, “Jack's (Anthony LaPaglia) evil nemesis, and the leader of a human trafficking group who the FBI team is pursuing.”
On the other hand, James Marsters, best known as Spike on “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and “Angel,” gets to play a nicer guy on “Without a Trace,” a detective working a case with the Feds.
Last, and least – because it concerns “Rules of Engagement” – Heather Locklear will appear in a couple of episodes because that’s likely all she could stomach, particularly since they’re gonna have her character date David Spade.