David Kronke was appointed Mayor of Television after a bloodless coup in 2000. Since then, he has improved infrastructure, championed greater educational opportunities and fought for reforms that have utterly erased corruption and incompetence from the television industry. Since Mr. Kronke has ascended to power, Television is a far better place. In which Fred Thompson meets Tila Tequila
As some of you may know, Your Mayor has a real, full-time job that sometimes supercedes his blogging skills, and this week, I was particularly busy manning the phone, providing tech support for people in India with computer problems. It’s tough mastering that accent, let me tell you.
So I’ll just hack away at a few of the things that I’ve missed in short order.
* For a guy who’s ostensibly so charismatic that he broke into showbiz by getting hired to play himself in a movie, Fred Thompson, the Republican’s putative best hope for retaining the White House next year, seems awfully damn somnolent for someone announcing his intentions to run for President.
Even the venue for the announcement was lazy, cribbed from Ahnold’s campaign strategy. Discussing Iraq with Leno, dude didn’t seem like a guy who wanted it very much. The studio audience was just sitting there, waiting for an idea or sense of passion to applaud – because, after all, that’s what studio audiences do – but he refused to accommodate them until he popped off the usual “greatest country in the world” line and the audience, figuring that would have to do, gave it up. Odd, because he can be an engaging interview. That, coupled with how he waited until the heat drifted off him to declare, not to mention that Newsweek article, doesn’t instill a lot of confidence. Step it up, Fred; make this a horserace.
* No one’s watching television anymore. Every network achieved almost historic low ratings last week. NBC averaged 4.2 million viewers in primetime, meaning, roughly, 1/75th of the country watched NBC, an ostensible broadcaster. Univision almost had as many viewers.
It’s getting to the point where you practically can’t give TV programming away: Apple is hacking off the industry – as we’ve noted, NBC’s already bolted – by suggesting selling downloads of episodes of TV shows at iTunes for a mere 99 cents, which is what they charge for a single three-minute song. Apple says more people’ll buy ’em, so you’ll make more money, TeeVee people say well yeah maybe but then we won’t be able to sell those handsome DVD boxed sets that make us all that money.
* Oh, goodie: Another reality show featuring someone who’s famous for being famous. Tila Tequila, whose predilection for eschewing outerwear has transformed her into the reigning queen of MySpace (which, according to the New York Times Magazine and Rick Rubin, is officially over), is getting her own TeeVee gig. MTV’s doing “A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila,” a dating show that’ll feature both men and women trying to woo the retiring wallflower. It already has a sponsor: Single Day FAMVIR.
If this is how MTV thinks it’s going to regain its lost glory, well, words fail.
* And while our minds are in the gutter: All these stories about squeaky-clean “High School Musical” star Vanessa Hudgens’ nasty, bad, naughty photo online, and yet no word on where you can find it? Or who took it and/or leaked it? (We’ve got our eye on you, Zac Efron.) America wants answers, dammit!