Monday TV: The Results Show

Like inveterate Midwesterners who only know how to do the stoic, stolid thing, viewers greeting the new TV season last night swarmed for the comfort food of familiar programming, eschewing the more exotic fare offered by the new shows.

Is that a simile, or what?

ABC won the evening, thanks to “Dancing with the Stars” disrupting the actual programming by usurping 21.2 million viewers from the scripted shows. “The Bachelor,” on the other hand, looks to be running on fumes; it retained a mere 9.6m of its “Dancing” lead-in. The network should’ve considered scheduling one of its new shows after the first few weeks of “Dancing” rather than squandering such a lead-in on the geriatric “Bachelor.” (The sitcom “Samantha Who?” debuts at 9:30 p.m. on Oct. 15.)

NBC had so-so results – second-place in each timeslot, but third-place overall (it’s complicated, but “CSI: Miami” tilted the evening’s overall second-place ratings to CBS). “Chuck” took second place at 8 p.m. with 9.28m viewers. “Heroes” improved just slightly on its premiere last season with 14.12m. “Journeyman” logged 9.48m, not bad but not great (“Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip” fared a lot better last season in its debut and look where it is today), with more than a million viewers tuning out from the first half-hour to the second.

CBS used to own Monday nights. No longer. If “How I Met Your Mother” can only manage 8.3 million to open the night, we’ll never get around to meeting the mother. Its lame performance makes “The Big Bang Theory’s” improvement to 9.6m at 8:30 all the more impressive.

“2.5 Men,” which dominated its timeslot last season, finished in a wan third-place, with 13.4m. 12.08m ossified souls stuck around for “Rules of Engagement.” “CSI: Miami” won its timeslot with an audience of 14.84m, but, like other CBS shows that have debuted this season, lost a sizable chunk of its audience from last year –almost 3 million.

Fox is hurting: 7.3 million patient people watched “Prison Break” (as opposed to the 9 or 10 million who’d watch last season); with actual competition to contend with, “K-Ville” lost nearly 30 percent of its premiere audience from last week: Only 6.17m tuned into its second episode.

The nicest thing you can say about this is: Well, that could’ve gone better.