David Kronke was appointed Mayor of Television after a bloodless coup in 2000. Since then, he has improved infrastructure, championed greater educational opportunities and fought for reforms that have utterly erased corruption and incompetence from the television industry. Since Mr. Kronke has ascended to power, Television is a far better place. Conflagration on the River Styx II
No doubt this has gotten more attention than it deserves, but we’re compleatists here, so here’s Johnny Fairplay’s account of the little reality-show hullabaloo with Danny Bonaduce that claimed the life of much of his bridgework.
It’s not dissimilar from Bonaduce’s, except for Fairplay’s assessment of his jumping on someone and dry-humping them: “It’s a nice thing,” Johnny insists.
Well, try to convince that to a jury of Bonaduce’s peers: “I’ve already pressed charges,” Fairplay adds.
I suppose going through such motions is necessary if you’re looking to sue Bonaduce, but, dude, haven’t you read a gossip magazine? That guy’s tapped out. Seems like your best bet is to sue the producers of the event, Fox Reality Channel; Fox has deep pockets. You can argue they should’ve kept the demon-battling Bonaduce safely away from you while you were onstage doing whatever it is you do these days.
Of course, you’re gonna want to settle; you get dragged into court and your reputation will get some serious impugning enacted upon it. If the jury didn’t see you lie about your grandmother’s death on “Survivor,” they will now, and that’ll go to your credibility as a witness and your abilities to manipulate people for sympathy.
There’s some old-timey saying about reaping what you sow; I think it’s in the same book as the thing about the jawbone of an ass. Maybe you can Google it.