David Kronke was appointed Mayor of Television after a bloodless coup in 2000. Since then, he has improved infrastructure, championed greater educational opportunities and fought for reforms that have utterly erased corruption and incompetence from the television industry. Since Mr. Kronke has ascended to power, Television is a far better place. Next on “Today:” The Dead Parrot Sketch!
NBC’s “Today” show announced yesterday that next month its correspondents would traverse the ends of this earth, traveling pole to pole, ’round the Equator, and landing everywhere in between for a week of global hijinx beginning Nov. 5.
Hasn’t Michael Palin already done this, and numerous times?
Of course, NBC has found a different peg for this gimmick: its “green” initiative. (How better to conserve our natural resources than to fly your correspondents all over the planet, not in search of actual news stories, but just to be able to say you did?)
Perhaps if we absorb NBC’s publicity machine’s take on this tomfoolery, we’ll form another opinion. So here goes (some of the duller bits have been excised):
“In an historic broadcast first, NBC News’ ‘Today’ is taking an unprecedented look at our home, Planet Earth. ‘Today’ anchors will be dispatched – literally – to the ends of the earth to explore the extraordinary diversity of life on this planet – the climate extremes, the wildlife, and the limits of human exploration. This trip will culminate in the first live simultaneous broadcast in history from the top and bottom of the globe.
“Never before has a television network linked locations live around the entire circumference of the planet in a single groundbreaking program. ‘Today’ anchors will embark on a grueling trek to extreme destinations: Matt Lauer will travel to the very top of the globe, the Arctic, [editor’s note: Thanks for the clarification!] and broadcast from remote locations on the Greenland ice sheet; Ann Curry will travel to the very bottom of the globe, Antarctica, [editor’s very same note: Thanks for the clarification!] and broadcast from extreme locations including the McMurdo Research Station located at the southern end of ‘The Ice;’ Al Roker will travel to the Equator and broadcast from the middle of an endangered cloud forest in Mindo, Ecuador, 7,000 feet above sea level; Meredith Vieira will connect the global dots from ‘Today's’ home base in New York where she will take a look at how the global issues at these unique locations are affecting people across the United States.”
Hey, Discovery Channel won a bunch of Emmys with their "Planet Earth" miniseries, so why not?
The big question is: How did they decide who’d go where? Was someone rewarded? Was someone punished? Did Vieira draw the short straw and get forced to stay home, or was Curry instructed to share with her her frequent-flier miles?
And what the hell is an “endangered cloud forest?” Are clouds endangered? If a cloud scuds into another in a forest and no one is there to hear it, did it make a sound? If someone was there to hear it, did it make a sound?