DAVID KRONKE

david-kronke.jpgDavid Kronke was appointed Mayor of Television after a bloodless coup in 2000. Since then, he has improved infrastructure, championed greater educational opportunities and fought for reforms that have utterly erased corruption and incompetence from the television industry. Since Mr. Kronke has ascended to power, Television is a far better place.

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Why I shouldn’t venture out around town

I’ve seen billboards around town for something called “Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium.” Is this real? It looks like someone couldn’t get the rights to “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” and decided to make the movie anyway.

And: Dustin Hoffman? Did he lose a bet? Is just pottering around the house simply not an option? Natalie Portman? Do the producers have nude photos of her they threatened to publish online if she didn’t do the movie?

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