David Kronke was appointed Mayor of Television after a bloodless coup in 2000. Since then, he has improved infrastructure, championed greater educational opportunities and fought for reforms that have utterly erased corruption and incompetence from the television industry. Since Mr. Kronke has ascended to power, Television is a far better place. The Original Punny Golden Globe Headline is No Longer Operative
On Sunday, the night of the Golden Globes, NBC will air … well, something.
Whether it’s anything anyone might actually want to watch, of course, is another question.
7 p.m.: “Dateline” interviews with and clips of nominees. (It’s news, see, so back off, writers!) (A two-hour version of this is scheduled for Saturday, a night most people don’t watch Television.)
8 p.m.: A one-hour retrospective/clip show from Dick Clark Enterprises. (Which, apparently, won’t be written. But you can relive all those memorable moments from Globes shows past, like, uh … don’t interrupt my train of thought; I’m sure I’ll come up with something … oh, yeah! Like when Christine Lahti was in the ladies room when she won her trophy! That was rich, no? Geez, this’ll be a slow hour.)
9 p.m.: If you can still bring yourself to care about the Globes, this’ll be the pulse-pounding hour you’ll want to tune into: A press conference covered by the intrepid journalists of NBC News announcing the winners.
10 p.m.: An “Access Hollywood”-style show checking out the swanky parties – which still likely won’t have many celebrities in attendance.
Honestly, given the flop-sweat-drenched imagination it took whoever to cook up this high-octane evening of televised material (one hesitates to use the word “entertainment”), would it really kill the producers to go back to the table and employ the same imaginative skills to cook up a lame counter-offer to the WGA’s current demands? At least that way the talks begin anew and future embarrassments such as this might be averted.