Oprah OWNs Television

Her own show, her own magazine, her own website – all too small potatoes for Oprah Winfrey. Now, come 2009, she’ll have her own cable network (currently named Discovery Health): OWN, for, of course, Oprah Winfrey Network.

“Fifteen years ago, I wrote in my journal that one day I would create a television network, as I always felt my show was just the beginning of what the future could hold,” said Winfrey in a press release. “Eight years ago, I wrote in my journal that I would single-handedly push a man into being voted President of the United States. Five years ago, I wrote in my journal that I would control the planet. So, you know, fair warning.”

“There is no stronger voice than Oprah Winfrey in engaging, motivating and connecting people to live healthier lives,” said David Zaslav, President and CEO of Discovery Communications. “Oprah has inspired me personally, and through this new venture, Oprah’s talent and drive will have a dedicated multimedia platform to empower, engage and connect with people on-air and on-line. Although, I must say that bit about controlling the planet worries me a little.”

In addition to providing her name, talent, and personal commitment, Winfrey – who will serve as Chairman of the network – will have full editorial control over the joint venture and will be responsible for OWN’s programming, branding and creative vision.

Here’s a tentative schedule of OWN’s daily programming:

6:30 a.m. “Oprah Explains Breakthroughs in Dental Hygiene”
7 a.m. “Oprah Samples Delightfully Healthy Breakfasts (With an Occasional Slice of Bacon!)”
8 a.m. “Oprah Multi-Tasks as Her Driver Chauffers Her to Her Office”
9 a.m. “The Unwashed Try to Touch the Hem of Oprah’s Garment as She Enters Her Offices”
9:30 a.m. “Oprah’s Personal Assistant Recalls Her Favorite Anecdotes Underscoring Oprah’s Magnificent Beneficence”
10:30 a.m. “Oprah’s Executive Producer Explains How Oprah Can Be So Talented”
11:30 a.m. “Oprah News Update”
Noon: “Oprah’s Health-a-licious Lunch Recipes”
1 p.m. “Empowered by Oprah: Past Guests on ‘Oprah’ Relate How She Changed Their Lives”
2 p.m.: “Oprah’s Fans Explain Why Oprah’s So Great”
2:30 p.m. “Oprah Prepares For ‘Oprah’”
3 p.m. “Oprah”
4 p.m. “Oprah Unwinds From ‘Oprah’”
4:30 p.m. “The Pope Kisses Oprah’s Ring”
5 p.m. “Oprah News Update”
6 p.m. “Oprah Checks in at Oprah Magazine”
7 p.m. “Oprah Consults with Those Running Oprah.com”
8 p.m. “Oprah’s Most Glamorous Red Carpet Moments”
9 p.m. “Oprah is Apprised of the Rest of the Entertainment Industry’s Well-Being”
10 p.m. “Oprah News Update”
10:30 p.m. “Oprah Receives a Buss on the Cheek from Steadman”
10:32 p.m.-6:30 a.m. “The Best of Oprah”