David Kronke was appointed Mayor of Television after a bloodless coup in 2000. Since then, he has improved infrastructure, championed greater educational opportunities and fought for reforms that have utterly erased corruption and incompetence from the television industry. Since Mr. Kronke has ascended to power, Television is a far better place. Other trainwrecks Dr. Phil can impose himself upon
Over the weekend, Dr. Phil infamously inserted himself into the once-funny-now-not-so-much spectacle that is Britney Spears’ life. Say what you will about Ms. Spears – that she needs a lot of medication or a whole lot less – but at least she’s still coherent enough to recognize an opportunistic hack seeking a ratings bonanza by exploiting someone else’s pain. (That, or she just had no idea who he was. Either way: Points to her.)
Still, there are some highly public lapses in judgment and examples of monumental dysfunction that we wouldn’t mind watching Dr. Phil wade into headlong. To wit:
* The Writers Strike
Patric Verrone: You’re a jerk.
Nick Counter: No, you’re a jerk.
Dr. Phil: This relationship needs a hero.
* Republican front-runners
Mike Huckabee: I don’t believe in evolution and think women should be subservient to their husbands. Vote for me!
Mitt Romney: I wear magic underwear and believe Gitmo should be twice its size for twice the torture. Vote for me!
John McCain: I’m a straight-talking maverick who defends the President’s policies. Vote for me!
Rudy Giuliani: 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11. Vote for me!
Dr. Phil: I must have 'stupid' written on my forehead!
Fred Thompson (resigned sigh): Really, I want to be President.
Dr. Phil: I want you to get excited about your life.
* Democratic Presidential candidates
Barack Obama: I’m the candidate for change.
John Edwards: We’re the candidates for change!
Dr. Phil: This is gonna be a changing day in your life!
Hillary Clinton: I’ve been changing for the past 35 years!
Dr. Phil: Let's just call a spade a shovel.
Bill Richardson/Dennis Kucinich: We haven’t dropped out yet.
Dr. Phil: How's that workin' for you?
* The Bush Administration
W: The war in Iraq is a just war.
Dr. Phil: Did you fall out of the dumb tree?!!
W: Alberto Gonzalez is a good and decent man. So are Scooter Libby, Tom DeLay and Jack Abramoff.
Dr. Phil: If you're gonna talk to me, you're gonna have to be honest.
W: If waterboarding is torture, which it ain’t, then we’re not torturing.
Dr. Phil: You can't change what you don't acknowledge.
W: Warrantless wiretapping doesn’t subvert the Constitution, and if it does, we can write laws that make it legal.
Dr. Phil: I didn't just ride in on a load of turnips.
W: No one could have anticipated the breaching of the levees, but: Heck of a job, Brownie! We’ll do whatever we can to restore the great city of New Orleans to its previous splendor.
Dr. Phil: Get real!
W: The jury’s still out on global warming. And evolution. And our economy. And Iran’s nuclear program.
Dr. Phil: Are you stupid?!? What are you thinking?