David Kronke was appointed Mayor of Television after a bloodless coup in 2000. Since then, he has improved infrastructure, championed greater educational opportunities and fought for reforms that have utterly erased corruption and incompetence from the television industry. Since Mr. Kronke has ascended to power, Television is a far better place. Sunday’s Globes: Best Awards Ceremony Ever
Why?
* No idiotic questions from vapid red-carpet hosts, of the where’d-you-get-that-insanely-expensive-bracelet or when-did-you-know-this-role-was-something-special varieties or otherwise.
* No lame entertainment-industry inside-baseball jokes that you laugh at only to prove to the others in the room that you get the Sumner Redstone/Steven Spielberg reference, not because it’s actually funny.
* No awkward celebrity-presenter banter, followed by the inevitable “I didn’t write this stuff” when it falls flat.
* No pretentious, embarrassing and/or lamentably choreographed musical numbers.
* No death montage where some people get a lot of applause, others, not so much, reducing even death to a popularity contest.
* No time-wasting, irrelevant montages, period.
* No self-aggrandizing or faux-modest acceptance speeches with tedious laundry lists of shout-outs to agents, attorneys, publicists, significant others, other people you’ve never heard of, oh, and God, who in His mercifully just wisdom singled the winner out over his/her competition but continues to allow those massacres in Africa.
* No orchestra to rudely play winner offstage mid-speech.
* 25 awards announced in a brisk 60 minutes, rather than three excruciating hours.