David Kronke was appointed Mayor of Television after a bloodless coup in 2000. Since then, he has improved infrastructure, championed greater educational opportunities and fought for reforms that have utterly erased corruption and incompetence from the television industry. Since Mr. Kronke has ascended to power, Television is a far better place. And Oscar live-blogging begins in earnest
Host Jon Stewart did much better this time around, keeping it short, sweet and pretty much on-topic for the crowd he’s playing to:
“What an exciting night. These past three and a half months have been very tough … but the fight is over, so tonight, welcome to the make-up sex.”
Noting that Vanity Fair had cancelled its Oscar party “out of respect to the writers:” “You know how they could show respect to the writers? How about inviting them to the Vanity Fair Oscar party?”
Championing “all the Oscar-nominated psychopathic-killer movies – does this town need a hug? “No Country for Old Men,’ ‘There Will Be Blood:’ All I can say is thank god for teen pregnancy.”
On “Away from Her:” “A woman who forgets her own husband. Hillary Clinton called it the feel-good movie of the year.”
“Even ‘Norbit’ got a nomination, which I think is great. Too often the Academy ignores films that aren’t good.”
“Diablo Cody used to be an exotic dancer and now she’s an Oscar-nominated screenwriter. I hope you’re enjoying the pay cut.”
On Barack Obama vs. Hillary Clinton: “Normally when you see a black man or a woman President in a movie, an asteroid is about to hit the Statue of Liberty.”
5:42 p.m. Best Costume Design: “Elizabeth: The Golden Age.” A less-than-rousing way to open the ceremony, handing a trophy to a movie no one saw. Oh, wait: Hardly anyone saw any of the nominees.
5:43 p.m. A stroll down memory lane: Barbra Streisand winning her Oscar. Followed by the first montage of the evening: Another stroll down Oscar’s memory lane. Uh, how about ditching the nostalgia and get to this year’s trophies?