David Kronke was appointed Mayor of Television after a bloodless coup in 2000. Since then, he has improved infrastructure, championed greater educational opportunities and fought for reforms that have utterly erased corruption and incompetence from the television industry. Since Mr. Kronke has ascended to power, Television is a far better place. “Dancing With the” – uh, wait; there really are some stars in this list
Here’s a conundrum: When “Dancing With the Stars” upgrades its roster from perennial B- and C-listers and People Who Were Famous Long Ago to former A-listers and People Who Were Successful Not So Long Ago, does that make the show more exciting or more depressingly pathetic?
The show returns March 17. ABC announced the participants today on “Good Morning America.” Chances are good you’ve not only heard of some of them but have seen them in action and perhaps even remember them fondly.
Among the participants:
* Marlee Matlin, who won a frickin’ Oscar for “Children of a Lesser God” in the ’80s and has since appeared in recurring roles in NBC’s “The West Wing” and “My Name Is Earl.” Matlin, of course, is deaf: How can she dance to music she can’t hear?
* Monica Seles, who was once the top-ranked women’s tennis player in the world.
* Steve Gutenberg, who starred in a dozen movie blockbusters including “Three Men and a Baby” and the “Police Academy” series and was once considered by some to be pretty funny.
* Penn Jillette, the once-edgy comic/magician who heretofore had devoted his life to, on Showtime, calling out “Bullsh!t” in others.
* Marissa Jaret Winokur, who won a Tony for her role in the Broadway production of “Hairspray.”
* Jason Taylor, Miami Dolphins defensive end, who was this year’s NFL Man of the Year and last year’s Defensive Player of the Year. (Didn’t he see what flouncy costumes they made Emmitt Smith wear when he was competing?)
* Priscilla Presley, who was married to Elvis, for chrissake, and starred in those “Naked Gun” movies.
* Shannon Elizabeth, who starred in “American Pie” and has inspired vast numbers of young men of a certain skill set to download provocative images of her from a vast online database.
* Mario, a platinum-selling artist who just two years ago won Billboard magazine’s award for Top R&B/hip-hop single of the year.
* Kristi Yamaguchi, an Olympic Gold Medalist in figure skating.
* Adam Carolla, pal of Jimmy Kimmel/co-creator of “The Man Show,” host of random cable shows and a uniquely crude syndicated morning radio program, and the first guy who actually makes a lot of sense being on this list.
* Cristian de la Fuente, telenovela star named by People magazine as one of its “50 Most Beautiful,” and the second guy who actually makes a lot of sense being on this list.
Maybe it’s just me, but when people who appeared on these “celebrity” “reality” shows were those who populated the fringes of celebrity arcana, the trend was good for a laugh in that Schadenfreude kind of way. But when people who actually had real careers (or, in one way or another, still do) turn up on these shows, it’s kind of disquieting: It suggests that this current economic downturn is worse than we ever imagined.
Comments
Thank you for printing what I was sniggering about yesterday evening. I tuned into "Dance Wars" ONLY to see who was picked and had the ultimate "Huh" look frozen on my face.
I am a fan of the show,plus, my girlfriend is one of the star's costumers and I always wish the show well.
I guess we will just have to wait and see...
Posted by: Arlene Krausz | February 19, 2008 9:54 AM
Penn Jillette is toast. But Jason Taylor? Squee!
Posted by: FanGirl | February 19, 2008 7:41 PM