Just think how bad this would've been without the writers

6:25 p.m.: Eleven-year-old Jamia Simone Nash steals the show from an entire choir during the performance of the gospel-tinged Best Song nominee “Raise it Up” from “August Rush.”

6:29 p.m.: Owen Wilson gives the Oscar for Best Live Action Short Film to “Le Mozart Des Pickpockets.” More acceptance speeches have been given in broken English during this ceremony than not.

6:31 p.m.: If you hadn’t gotten sick of Jerry Seinfeld’s ubiquity while promoting “Bee Movie,” this pretty much sealed the deal. “Peter & the Wolf” is named Best Animated Short Film.” Winner Hugh Welchman brings his date – his little Peter puppet – onstage with him.

6:37 p.m.: Dark-horse nominee Tilda Swinton wins an Oscar for “Michael Clayton.” She thanks George Clooney for wearing his Batsuit with the nipples every day on the film’s set. No, really – I wouldn’t’ve thought to make that up.

6:44 p.m.: Jessica Alba, who, it’s safe to say, will pretty much never win an Academy Award, gets some face time with the camera. Now we know what starlets like her are good for: Hosting the technical awards and pretending to care.

6:46 p.m.: How is it that Josh Brolin and James McAvoy’s banter introducing the Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay is so badly written?

6:48 p.m.: Is the sweep beginning? The Coen brothers grab the Best Adapted Screenplay trophy for “No Country for Old Men.” But they better have better acceptance speeches should they win for editing, directing and/or Best Picture.

6:50 p.m.: Geez, the Academy is hellbent to bore us silly: They’re offering a short film explaining the voting process. Did you know Academy voters actually go to theaters to see the films? And then they vote on ballots? That might’ve been a little too inside-baseball for the rest of the country.

6:52 p.m.: Again, Stewart’s just as underwhelmed as we are: “Wow. That was amazing.”

6:55 p.m.: That’s more like it: An over-produced and –choreographed production number! Kristin Chenoweth and a cast of hundreds perform “That’s How You Know,” also from “Enchanted,” and also phoned-in.