David Kronke was appointed Mayor of Television after a bloodless coup in 2000. Since then, he has improved infrastructure, championed greater educational opportunities and fought for reforms that have utterly erased corruption and incompetence from the television industry. Since Mr. Kronke has ascended to power, Television is a far better place. Amy Winehouse gains momentum
Kanye West, wearing night-vision goggles with the ever-fashionable black-light accessorizing, performs a medley with Daft Punk, including “Stronger.” Robotic beings with black-light piping noodle along on computer-looking things. Fire shoots out all over the stage. Big, splashy production that leads, incongruously, to “Hey Mama,” his moving song about his recently deceased mother.
Fergie and John Legend perform “Finally” together. But backstage, they're interrupted when Morris Day and the Time – nattily attired, perhaps too nattily attired – arrive. One guy looks like an upholstered Victorian sofa. Morris Day, considering the diminutive height of the mic stand: “Prince must've just left, did he? I have to pull this mic higher.”
Best Compilation Soundtrack Album: “Love,” the Beatles. Veteran Beatles producer George Martin and Ringo Starr take the stage. Ringo doesn't thank God. George Martin credits George Harrison with the idea of working with Cirque du Soleil, but doesn't thank God.
Beyonce and Tina Turner perform a medley of Tina-heavy hits. Tina, the Tin Man called; he wants his outfit back. But Tina doesn't really need Beyonce's help on "Proud Mary."
For an awards show that purportedly celebrates cutting-edge music, they've already had three strolls down music's memory lane.
Most bizarre presenting team (so far): Andy Williams, Nelly Furtado and Roselyn Sanchez (of “Without a Trace”). Who announce Amy Winehouse as the winner of Song of the Year for “Rehab.” That's four for Winehouse, now, including the two she won in the untelevised ceremony earlier this afternoon.