Were it not for the montages, this'd be over by now

7:02 p.m.: Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill get into a debate over which of them is more like Halle Berry and which is more like Dame Judy Dench. That’ll no doubt become a topic of debate for weeks to come in dorm rooms pungent with the smell of marijuana.

7:03 p.m.: Best Sound Editing goes to “The Bourne Ultimatum.” The winners blank out and just start sputtering out names at random. Mercifully, the orchestra play them off. “Bourne Ultimatum” wins Best Sound Mixing, too. These guys actually have their stuff together, even making a joke: “Is it all right to kiss Halle Berry, now?”

7:09 p.m.: What does it say that the most emotional moment in this year’s show is the clip of Halle Berry accepting her Oscar at the 2002 ceremony? And yes, that came during yet another tiresome montage. Couldn’t they’ve hired a few more writers to cook up some more material or just gone for a short ceremony? As Samuel Johnson said of "Paradise Lost:" "No one wished it any longer."

7:12 p.m.: Hey, another upset: Marion Cotillard is Best Actress for “La Vie en Rose,” and we get a live, not canned, emotional moment. Cotillard's acceptance speech (apparently, her life is officially rocked) is in broken English, but it says volumes more than any of those prior. She exults, “It is true: There (are) some angels in this city!” Nah, but you haven’t been in town long enough, so we’ll give you a pass on your endearing naïveté.

7:19 p.m.: Just based on the response “Once” gets at its mere mention, it’s safe to say Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova will win the Best Song Oscar for “Falling Slowly.”

7:22 p.m.: Bulletin: Jack Nicholson confesses that he loves the movies. He says the word “humanity,” then cackles ominously. Oh, Jack – they’ve pimped you out for yet another montage?