First in a series: Letters to the FCC: "Family Guy"

Did the people stranded in New Orleans bother to write letters to FEMA asking them for some help? No, because they knew the government doesn't actually do anything for its constituency. Nonetheless, there exists still a small handful of people who believe their government is there to help them - and help them with the more lascivious gremlins who cavort about in their TeeVees.

A website has amassed some government documents under the Freedom of Information Act, including this batch of complaints about Fox's "Family Guy." (Warning: This site is really slow and balky to navigate.) What's remarkable about some of the letters is the amount of obsessive detail to all that naughtiness the complainant, such as this one, which the guy watched while dining with his family (his family's backs were turned from the TV, as he notes, so here's guessing he's one heck of a conversationalist and truly engaged with his loved ones):

(Note: I tried to clean up the sundry misspellings and punctuation mistakes until I got bored and gave up.)

"On, Sunday, March 12, 2006, my family went to a new family restaurant, Quaker Steak & Lube. We were seated in an area that had at least 8 televisions on, plus a blaring stereo system. The television that was facing me was turned on to Fox and had the close-captioning turned on. While I was eating, I was "treated" to the show "Family Guy", an animated cartoon show. For a 30 minute show, it was chock full of raunch and offensive tv. The story line revolved around a mother's attempt to wean the infant from breastfeeding. It went into great detail, including the infant crawling into her bedroom at night to attach a double breast pump to her, the older sons attempting to breastfeed from the father, the mother's issues with engorgement, the father's attempt, while at a wedding reception to "cool her down" by throwing champagne over her breasts and then trying to dry her off by "jiggling" her. During this wedding reception scene, the newly married groom is seen having a hard time controlling himself because of this woman's engorgement problem. Throughout the 30-minute show, the mother is seen removing her shirt, the baby finally latching on and the mother seeking solace and advise from the family dog who insists that he needs to see the mother topless and also asks to check out her underpants. Needless to say, I was outraged that this filth is allowed to be shown on our airwaves and I was thankful that with the configuration of our table, that I was the only one who had to look at it and not my elementary aged sons. The show that followed, "Free Ride", was not much better, with graphic references to the parents' sex life, including questions to the college aged son if he could have sex with a celebrity who would he choose, with the followup from the mother about which celebrity she thinks of when she has sex with the father. The college aged son leaves the room in disgust at the thought of his parents having sex, all the while the parents are yelling at him, "Yes, we have sex!" I do not normally watch Fox television and now I can see that I have made a wise decision, since they apparently not showing decent programming, at least on Sunday evenings."

Again, a dedicated viewer with a watch pays attention to every indiscretion down to the minute in which it transpires:

"The father tells the story of Star Wars. The character of Ben is shown to be a toothless, bald old man who makes sexual advances to the adolescent boy (Chris) who is a regular character. ... Especially disturbing are the following 4 references (including approx. time into the episode); 1.(16 minutes into the episode) Princess Leia refers to Bens past "trouble" and says "we paid to keep the families of those children quiet, so you owe us"; 2.(22minutes into the episode) the adult Ben calls the child Chris "my sexy friend"; 3.(40 minutes into the episode) Ben's light saber is flaccid and when the child shows up it immediately becomes erect (like a penis) and Ben says "boy, you got here just in time"; 4.(52 minutes into the episode) Ben makes another sexual innuendo to the boy by saying "force that thing in there. Just like I showed you with those puppets, but don't tell nobody 'cause you'll get into trouble". I don't need to interpret these since they are obscene and imply that sexual advances made by an adult man on a child is humorous. Please tell FOX they went too far this time."

Others aren't quite as dogged about keeping a stopwatch on the action, or they just can't tell time:

"I am complaining about the show aired on Fox 42 KPTM Omaha, NE aired on; February 6, 2005. The show was aired after the Super bowl. I am not sure; exactly what time, but I would say it was 9:00 or 9:30. It was a half hour; show and it was terrible. After the super bowl reaches a lot of people, Fox is going to air Family Guy again (and that show is full of sexual; innuendos and displays of indecency) back to back with American Dad, I would; like to see both shows not happen; I do not believe that I saw a message before the show stating that the; content is explicit or a TV rating, I have a three year old daughter that; was watching. She was by me for the super bowl.; There are a few examples I can call to mind that made this show really hard; for me to watch, First of all, the show is about an American Dad that works; for a government agency. He makes it his job to try to get his son laid all; through out the show. There is a cheer leader that the boy thinks he should; get some action from. When this boy and his sister are sitting in the; kitchen together they are arguing and the sister says, why don't you go; through puberty. The boy replies, "Why-if I do, are you going to DO IT with; me?" The way he said it implied to me (and the other people watching); incest or sex, The really bad part of the show is the fish KLAUS is a German; fish. He is vile and has an unhealthy crush on Francine (the mom), Klaus; tells Francine that she should put her finger into his bowl so he can feel; her warmth, The way the fish said it was creepy and gross, It seemed to me; kind of dirty, The next complaint about the fish is that Francine was; wearing a skirt and the fish was on the floor under her skirt, The fish; looks up and say "Francine! I can see your clittenshousen" (or some German; word that sounded a lot like Clitoris or some other female body part,; Other than the obscene stuff, this show just really shouldn't be aired, You; have a hippie daughter, Hayley Smith, an untrusting father that likes to; have sex and get his son some, You have a party girl mother that lets the; family fish sexually harass her all the time. ... You also have an alien; that spews out some slime when he gets slightly excited. ... I was appalled by this show. It was disgusting and hard to; watch. ... This show is portraying Americans as; being shallow, scatterbrained, stupid and horny. No wonder so many countries; hate Americans and America. No wonder our children are promiscuous and in; trouble. See this show. I am sure that you will find it isn't suitable for the crowd; that saw it."

There are other shows that draw just as vociferous complaints, which I'll share soon. Provided, of course, the blog server isn't sucked into another cyber-black-hole.