The Future of Television Apparently Doesn’t Involve Television

1.

For a conference all about exploiting the emerging technologies, the folks running The Future of Television conference at the Roosevelt Hotel still haven’t figured out how to get microphones to operate smoothly. Lots of “Is this thing on?” (as I type this, the current speaker’s isn’t, in fact) and the occasional howl of feedback or sputter of static.

The networks, broadcast and cable, are pretty much an afterthought here, as the conference is all about digital media, online, broadband, mobile – everything but that large piece of furniture in your living room. Even a panel discussion on reality TV skittered away from its topic to bring up hulu.com and iTunes and mobile content. Conference moderator Ned Sherman said, “Television may not be the right word for this industry anymore: We’re all content creators.”

2.

Steve Canepa, Vice President of Global Media & Entertainment Industry at IBM, made my head explode, first panel out. The man – if “man” is the right word; I suspect “ambulatory artificial-intelligence unit” might be more accurate – appears to be pathologically incapable of speaking in anything but Jargon.

Some things he says are simply impenetrable ways of conveying simple concepts. Canepa recommends “Putting product and customer master records at the center of your business model,” but all he’s saying is, your business is what you sell to your customer. And when he notes that the “Key to innovating in their business model is access to skills,” he’s merely suggesting you hire people who know what their doing.

Here, but a sampling of snatches from his bewilderingly obfuscating but no doubt forward-looking speech:

* “Harvesting out of those transactions an analysis of preferences and behaviors.”

* “Finite marketing spend (to gain) influence over those clusters.”

* “Very proprietary structures that are bolted together in a hard way.”

* (from a graphic during his presentation) “Media hub enterprise service bus – transformation, mediation, persistence, dynamic routing.”

* “The infrastructure was componentized. … we integrated those together with an open architecture.”

* “Having a mini to mini relationship in each piece of that value chain.”

* “Segmentation, interactive-oriented experience.”

* (Speaking of Hulu.com) “Traditional programming in open platforms; there’s a movement toward the center.”

* “Core competencies must evolve.”

* “The value proposition you can offer us is probably a lot less.”

3.

There seem to be precious few panel discussions on the actual content of programming; content, apparently, is not part of The Future Of Television. But there was one panel on Reality TV, and for a brief few minutes, there was a little injection of personality amidst the earnest techno-chatter.

Panelists included Andrew Cohen of Bravo, who basically just talked up Bravo shows; David Lyle, Fox Reality Channel president, the one forthright and funny guy to appear all day (noting that reality is usually dismissed as a guilty pleasure, he said, “We don’t feel guilty and we pleasure ourselves daily”); John Saade of ABC and Ryan O’Hara of TV Guide Network, who didn’t really seem to belong on the panel but what’re you gonna do?

Moderator Ken Rutkowski asked members of the audience who said they didn’t watch reality TV why. One woman opined, “It’s contrived.”

David Lyle: “Yeah, so?” (Cohen, by contrast, fumbled around, trying to say that his shows weren’t manipulated but in a way that wouldn’t sound like a complete lie but gave up and just talked about how great they were.)

Another person complained that early reality TV was so bad, citing the first season of “The Bachelor.”

Rutkowski: “I worked with him at CNet – he wasn’t looking for a woman.”

One audience member delivered a brief screed on the fact that reality isn’t real, that it’s manipulated by editing and even the mere presence of the cameras.

Lyle replied, “The only way we can have this discussion is in a bar.”

There was absolutely no discussion of the creative component required in putting together a television show. Rutkowski apparently got bored with the topic of the genre itself, instead asking questions about hulu.com and iTunes and maybe creating reality shows for cell phones.

ABC’s John Saade, speaking about “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” and “Oprah’s Big Give,” theorized, “Watching those shows on a Sunday night is a collective penance for the country.” If that’s the case, then clearly it’s not enough.

4.

People can text message during the panels; their thoughts show up on a large screen to the left of the stage in real-time. Some of the texts become part of the panel discussions. An interactive conference about interactivity: Have I blown your mind yet?

One unimpressed attendee texted: “Only 2 women on all the panels – proportionate to their power in this space?”

No, just proportionate to their ability to digest jargon and self-aggrandizing b.s.

5.

Marshall Herskovitz bailed as keynote speaker due to a death in his family, but his partner Ed Zwick showed instead. I believe he just compared the computer screen to a movie screen. He also threatened to do another "quarterlife."