“The World is Just Awesome”
That’s the Discovery Channel’s new slogan – who knew the network was aimed at 8-year-olds?
John Ford, president of the network, explained: “No other network delivers on the wonder, optimism and thrill of life on planet earth quite like Discovery. Our viewers are true fans of the world and this campaign is their cheering section.”
“Fans of the world” – does it have detractors? (Outside of those who are down on the Kyoto Protocol, that is.) As opposed to fans of Jupiter or Mercury? Let’s look at the bracketology:
Elite Eight
Mercury (No. 1) vs. Neptune (No. 8) (Sorry, Pluto, you got demoted, so you’re not in the playoffs): An unimpressive match-up; Neptune wins thanks to the methane in its atmosphere and its 1,300-mph winds.
Venus (No. 2) vs. Uranus (No. 7): Another listless face-off, won by Uranus thanks to the titters of schoolchildren everywhere.
Earth (No. 3) vs. Saturn (No. 6): A hard-fought battle between the scrappy smaller planet and a powerhouse giant. Saturn boasts 60 moons and, of course, those photogenic rings, but is 93% hydrogen. Earth meanwhile, has intelligent life – Earth wins!
Mars (No. 4) vs. Jupiter (No. 5): Another tooth-and-nail battle for dominance; Mars’ mythology, Marvin the Martian and land rovers vs. Jupiter’s vastness and legendary Great Red Spot. Jupiter is just too large for Mars to surmount.
Final Four
Neptune (No. 8) vs. Jupiter (No. 5): Jupiter in a rout.
Uranus (No. 7) vs. Earth (No. 3): Earth in a rout; smutty gags just aren’t enough against life itself.
Championship
Earth (No. 3) vs. Jupiter (No. 5): A veritable clash of titans (but not of Titan, Saturn’s moon), this climactic battle pits David vs. Goliath, life vs. hydrogen, the Solar System’s highest surface gravity vs. a density of a mere 1.326g/cm3 – and, again, Earth’s living ecosystems help it vanquish its foe! Life rules! Well, that and Kevin Love’s domineering presence in the paint.
Back to our regularly scheduled blog post:
Anyway, as part of its new awareness campaign, Discovery has cooked up a song celebrating Earth’s awesomeness. It’s set to the tune of an old children’s song I’ve never heard of, which further underscores the network’s 8-year-old mindset. Here’s the song; keep in mind someone got paid for this:
I love the mountains,
I love the clear blue skies.
I love big bridges,
I love when great whites fly,
I love the whole world and all its sights and sounds
Boom de ah da, boom de ah da
Boom de ah da, boom de ah da
I love oceans
I love real dirty things
I love to go fast
I love Egyptian kings
I love the whole world and all its craziness
Boom de ah da, boom de ah da
Boom de ah da, boom de ah da
I love tornados,
I love arachnids,
I love hot magma,
I love the giant squids,
I love the whole world, it’s such a brilliant place
Boom de ah da, boom de ah da
Boom de ah da, boom de ah da
This song just incrementally diminished our world’s awesomeness.
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About this blog
David Kronke was appointed Mayor of Television after a bloodless coup in 2000. Since then, he has improved infrastructure, championed greater educational opportunities and fought for reforms that have utterly erased corruption and incompetence from the television industry. Since Mr. Kronke has ascended to power, Television is a far better place.
you're all gay as hell. this new campaign is perfect for discovery. go do something with your sorry ass lives than rating tv.
I LOVE the new ad and it's a huge hit on YouTube. You're way off on this one.
This is by far one of the most talked about campaigns for the network. I don't know how gave you the authority to be rating TV when you clearly don't know what the audience likes.
This is by far one of the most loved and talked-about ad campaigns for the network. I don't know who gave you the authority to be rating TV shows since you clearly don't know what the audience likes.
I LOVE this slogan! It's great and it's catchy! So what if it seems immature! Let me quote another song for you " I believe the children are our future..."; it's true! Let's get anyone/everyone involved about learning about our planet-- it's the only one we have! And oh how I envy everyone of those pictures- I wish I could be there seeing "Great Whites fly, big bridges, and the ultimate fireworks while a storm is rolling in!" Keep the catchy songs coming Discovery!
Yep, you're a total dip. Try thinking with your head, instead of sticking it in your hip...
Put down the Cosmo and turn off NPR for just a second....
This is a brilliant ad! It's simple, catchy, and clearly in sync with the product. I loved it...both as a consumer...and someone who knows a thing or two about marketing.
Ok...now you can go back to being smarmy and attempting to appear smarter than your readers...
Boom de ah da, boom de ah da...
I think its great probably one of the best ads of all time. For those who thinks its silly maybe you should loosen up and remeber how great it feels to be eight years old agian.
What? This is an old campfire song sung by Scouts! I researched that in about 3 minutes, "your honor". Just because you've never heard of it doesn't mean it's bad. Maybe you ought to step outside and get some of your soul back.
Perhaps the world needs an 8-year-olds point of view. You "social elites" that get off telling people what to enjoy, based upon your own perverted view of the world could learn something. Get a life.
It's time for The Mayor to be part of a recall vote. In a time when we are subjected to commercials from Clear Blue Easy stating "the most technologically advanced product you will ever pee on", The Discovery Channel has given something upbeat and inoffensive, and something that sticks in your head and makes you smile. The world is far too full of hatred and cynicism, and this commercial shows just how awesome the world SHOULD be. Go back to listening to Rush Limbaugh, Mr. Mayor!
hi,.
the song is very.....nice & feel deep in soul, how this world work for all....humann, animal & etc.
Thanks for remembering us .....
Panlima
Banda Aceh.
"Go back to listening to Rush Limbaugh, Mr. Mayor!"
I resent that remark. As a long-time listener of Rush, I love this song. It's a great reply to the lifeless "hipper-than-thou" sarcasm coming out of the Hollywood/Manhattan garbage factories.
feel this song....
feel the WORLD.......
It's the coolest commercial